Prayers that Hurt: Prayers of Forgiveness

When I think about the most impressive feats of forgiveness that I have ever seen or heard of, I think of the response of the Amish community in Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania to schoolhouse shooter/suicide victim Charles Carl Roberts IV. Parents mourning the brutal loss of their innocent children offered forgiveness and love to Mr. Roberts’ widow and children. What a sobering, humbling reminder of what forgiveness looks like.

Still, I often think about the nuances of forgiveness, perhaps because it is the area in which I require the most improvement. In the past, I have been able to easily forgive some people who have hurt my feelings greatly, because I remember, like Jesus that “They know not what they do.” (See Luke 23:24). However, there are other situations that are much more nuanced and difficult.

Sometimes it’s easy to forgive an outright enemy, but it feels impossible to forgive someone who perseveres in appearing like a friend. Psychologists tell us that there are individuals called narcissists who like to “lovebomb” their victims. They hug you and say they love you. They give you gifts. They act like your biggest fan. Then, they try to control you, to isolate you from friends and to impose their will onto your life, perhaps even under the guise of “God’s will”. You may try to reach a place of understanding with these individuals and find yourself exposed to gaslighting, manipulation, or even attempted humiliation. Then, the cycle begins again. (See this article here.)

Many articles I’ve read tend to describe narcissistic relationships in terms of romantic relationships, but this can happen in any relationship with another person. It could be a parent-child relationship, an employer-employee relationship, or even a ministry relationship. Toward this latter end, we find the current theme of church hurt being discussed across social media platforms.

There is no hurt quite like church hurt. There is nothing like experiencing the negative human frailties of someone in a position of spiritual leadership. I have been both guilty of inflicting hurt and being hurt in this regard. Forgiveness is vital to our collective healing. But what does forgiveness look like, biblically? And how do we learn to forgive?

When Jesus taught about forgiveness, He taught us to have mercy and grace towards those who have wronged us. In fact, one of the major themes of His famous “Sermon on the Mount” is that of forgiveness. Let’s look at what Jesus taught:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

(Matthew 5:38-48, NIV)

On a first reading, this teaching goes against our human nature. No one wants to pray for the person who has hurt us. We don’t naturally want to turn the other cheek. We don’t want to pray blessings on those who have cursed us.

Jesus didn’t just preach forgiveness, He showed forgiveness. When Jesus died on the cross, He said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 22:34, KJV) It is difficult to imagine how Jesus was able to say those words as He prayed for those who put Him to death.

It can be hard to read on forgiveness when our hearts long for justice. Today, we hear a lot about seeking justice, and it isn’t wrong to hope that justice will be performed. When we are wronged, we want the world to know that we are wronged. When we are hurting, we want others to know that we hurt.

The Lord cares when we are wronged. Scripture teaches that God is just, and He has the power to seek revenge.

Deuteronomy 32:35 (NIV) quotes God as saying, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay.” Isaiah 9:7 (KJV) prophesies of the Messiah, saying, “Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end, upon the throne of David, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this.”

Psalm 37:12-13 (NIV) says, “The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them; but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming.”

We can still hope for justice while learning to forgive.

When we forgive, we are putting our trust in the God who loves justice. Forgiveness does not deny the wrong that has been done to us. Forgiveness acknowledges the wrongdoing and chooses kindness toward the wrongdoer.

Not every person who does wrong is sorry. Forgiving someone who is not apologetic for their wrongdoing is extremely difficult. We always have to remember that God does not require our bitterness to enact His justice.

Romans 12:18-21 (NIV) says: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

The Apostle Paul encouraged the church in Rome to “live at peace with everyone” as much as possible – “as far as it depends on you”. Living peaceably means not pouring our anger out on a person. If we repay kindness toward those who hurt us, we may bring peace into an agitated situation.

But what if people continue to negatively respond to your efforts of peace?

Trust God to avenge you.

If you want to sleep well and have peace in your hurt, give that hurt to the Lord. Let him work out your situation. Let God’s justice prevail. Focus your thoughts on the goodness of God, and trust his goodness to extend towards your pain.

How do we forgive and bless those who wronged us?

First, we must choose to pray to forgive someone. How we pray for someone begins with a choice. We begin by acknowledging that God will right any wrongs.

Second, we realize that surrendering to God’s justice will free us from bitterness. Forgiveness does not eliminate justice; forgiveness allows us to surrender justice back to God. We can trust the Lord with our hurts, because He joins us in our pain.

Romans 8:26 (NIV) states, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.”

When we pray hard prayers of forgiveness for those who have wronged us, the Spirit of God joins us with “groanings which cannot be uttered.” (See Romans 8:26, KJV) The Lord is not oblivious to our pain. We can acknowledge our heartaches to God while we seek to forgive those who have instigated our pain.

Unforgiveness can lead us to do even worse than what was done to us.

The Amish schoolhouse killer had a reason for killing innocent girls: He was angry at God for the death of his baby daughter. He justified killing children because his daughter had died shortly after being born. But those deaths did not bring back his child who died. This was not true justice.

One loss never justifies the loss of another. Forgiveness does not erase our pain, but it displaces our anger. We are choosing to free ourselves from anger when we surrender it to the Lord in prayers of forgiveness. We choose peace over bitterness when we forgive. Ultimately, we allow God’s true justice to be performed when we stop trying to take justice into our own hands.

Let us pray.

Lord Jesus, only You know the wrongs that have been done against us and the wrongs we may have done to others. You know the truth. You know our pain, and You grieve with us. You know the pain of those we have hurt, and You grieve with them. Please comfort those who are hurting today. Comfort those who have been wrongfully mistreated. Help us to trust in Your justice. Help us to forgive ourselves for our past mistakes. And help us to forgive those same people who have hurt us, because we know that hurtful actions often come from hurt-filled people. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: It is appropriate to remove/protect yourself from continued abuse, especially if the abuse is physically violent in nature. Report violations of/assaults against your person or belongings to the proper authorities (both legal and church) in order to put a stop to abuse. Forgiveness is a choice we make to rid ourselves of continued negative thoughts that may violate our emotional state. Forgiveness does not require us to be endlessly subject to abuse. Turn the other cheek, but don’t continue to stand in the presence of the person who insists on striking you.

In the Garden

There is no perfume so heavenly as a blooming garden on a warm day.

There is a particular garden that always catches my attention when I go out for a ride on my bicycle. I love cycling with the sun and wind in my face, and fire in my muscles! I can hear the birds singing, and I can smell the food that’s being cooked as I pass by houses. There is one house, however, that I love to pass on my rides, because it has one of the most exquisite gardens that I’ve ever seen.

Picture it. A colonial-style home with white columns. There’s a dainty white table and chairs on the lawn. There are oak trees surrounded by spider plants. There are pink and white flowers stretching up from the ground. It’s a picture that you want to breathe in. I usually slow down my pace when I approach this house just to appreciate the beauty of it.

Several weeks ago, a friend and I were walking through my neighborhood, and I purposefully directed our path to go by this house. My friend looked at the house and said, “Wow! You know that’s an old garden. You don’t grow a garden like that overnight.” I smiled, thought about my modest yard, and agreed.

There are a lot of planting/farming/gardening metaphors in the Bible. Throughout history, civilizations were largely agricultural. So, it makes perfect sense that God would use agricultural terminology when speaking to his people. Unfortunately for those of us living in the Western world, we have become more industrial and have lost an understanding of the land. This loss of understanding in physical terms can also affect our understanding in spiritual terms as well.

The psalmist often compared a righteous man to a tree planted by rivers of water. (See Psalm 1, Psalm 52:8, Psalm 92:12-13, Psalm 104:15-17 )

The Song of Solomon uses the garden metaphor to depict a healthy sexual relationship between man and wife. (See Song of Songs 1:16-17 , Song of Songs 2:1-15, Song of Songs 4:11-15; Song of Songs 5:1, Song of Songs 7:7-13)

Matthew 13 is almost wholly comprised of parables about planting and growing to illustrate how we develop faith and apply God’s word to our lives.

The scriptures listed above are just a few of the many scriptures about planting, watering, growing, gleaning, and harvesting that can be found in the Bible. Moses wrote laws about it. David sang Psalms about it. Solomon romanticized it. Jesus applied it practically to our lives.

One day, on yet another bike ride, I was talking to the Lord about my life and was astonished to pass by my favorite house and garden only to see chaos! The owners were outside. Piles of greenery were discarded in heaps. Pots of plants were lined up, fresh from the store and ready to be planted in the ground. The dainty table and chairs were being vigorously re-painted. I felt the Lord speak softly to me: You need to learn more about gardening.

So, I brought a mint plant home after a visit at my parents’ house. I watched as the stress of the move killed most of the leaves. I plucked off the dead leaves, placed the plant in the sun, and watered it. New leaves came in.

Then, I purchased some new plants and began to make a compost for the bottom of my pots. I cut up the stems of an old bouquet and threw them in the pots. I collected dead leaves and put them in the pots. I noticed some dead insects on my porch and decided to throw them into the pots as well. Decaying plants and bugs provide excellent nutrients for the dirt which grows the plants.

Gardening is rather nasty if you think about it.

I started looking at my plant beds, which had been developed prior to my moving into the house. While the plants are prospering, so were the weeds that were sprouting up. I got down on my hands and knees in order to extricate the parasitic undergrowth of weeds. Before I knew it, 2 hours had passed. I was covered in dirt. A trash bag was full of weeds.

Gardening is hard work.

The results of good gardening, however, are beautiful.

One of my favorite verses of the Bible is Song of Songs 4:12, which I want to include here in different versions for context :

“A garden enclosed Is my sister, my spouse, A spring shut up, A fountain sealed.” (KJV)

“Dear lover and friend, you’re a secret garden, a private and pure fountain.” (MSG)

“My darling bride, my private paradise,
fastened to my heart.
A secret spring are you that no one else can have—
my bubbling fountain hidden from public view.
What a perfect partner to me now that I have you.” (TPT)

I love this verse, because I love the imagery of a person as a garden. I love the intimacy of being an “enclosed garden” both physically and spiritually. The relationship between the King and his beloved in Song of Songs is accepted as a template for marriage, much like marriage is biblically understood to be a physical representation of Christ’s relationship with the Church. Just as I reserve my body for my spouse, I reserve my soul for God.

As much as I do love to share parts of my life with people, there are parts of my life that I only feel comfortable sharing with God. The scripture teaches that God discerns the hearts of men (and women, of course). He is the only one who I trust to tend to the garden of my life. When I let God and his word take full effect in my life, I am letting the Master Gardener take control. If I don’t allow God into my life, I won’t be a garden but an overrun wilderness – a desirable place for predators to nest.

Sometimes we pass by someone else’s garden, like I do on my bicycle. We see the blooms and wish that our gardens were as fruitful. For the most part, we do not see the Gardener at work. We don’t see the piles of dirt, the decay, and the rain that worked together for those beautiful plants to grow. So, when we welcome the Lord into our lives, we are surprised when we feel like we’re being buried, when death and heartache are on every side, and storms of life blow over us. We want that lovely, picturesque garden, but we don’t want the tearing, uprooting hand of the Gardener.

Have you felt the Gardener’s hand on your life? Do you feel his painful grasp on the roots of your generational addictions and thought patterns? Those generational sins do not make up your root system – they are the weeds that encircle your roots, and they can be plucked out. Do you sense his touch in the midst of the troubles that have come upon you? Our sufferings are just compost that enriches us where we are planted.

Don’t worry about what the Gardener is doing to you. You can trust that He is working all things for your good. Ultimately, His work is going to ensure that you bloom and flourish!

And there is nothing so beautiful and heavenly as your garden will be if you’ll allow the Gardener to perform his work.

On Marriage

My mother held to a certain policy while raising her two daughters: If we were old enough to ask a question, we were old enough to hear the answer. Recently, as my friends have gotten married and become parents, I have begun seeking answers to the questions that my friends’ marriages have brought to mind, in the hope that my own journey into marriage will be prosperous.

Proverbs 25: 2 says, “It is the glory of God to conceal a matter;  to search out a matter is the glory of kings.” (NIV)

In regards to marriage, I have often wondered why the issues of married life are not more freely discussed in our churches. If Paul could write about sexual issues in his epistles, why aren’t they openly addressed today? My mother’s response to this has been that these issues are discussed in the appropriate confines of marriage seminars and premarital counseling sessions.

Why, then, do so many of my engaged and/or newlywed friends ask the same questions as I, their single peer? More people today feel comfortable approaching Google with their questions than seeking guidance in the church. I often wonder if an outdated sense of decency in our leadership is unintentionally leading to a moral decline in our congregations.

(Considering the average age of people exposed to pornography is 11 years old, why are we being largely silent about intimacy in marriage from the pulpit? Teenagers, singles, etc. will ask their questions. If those questions are ignored by the church, they will seek those answers elsewhere. More importantly, if the parents to teenagers are silent, they can be assured that Google and peers are providing the answers weighing on the minds of their children. That is the nature of the time in which we now live.)

Emphasizing abstinence to singles does not prepare them for marriage. Nor does emphasizing marriage for the sake of avoiding sin adequately prepare an individual for marriage. In fact, some people have no need of getting married – a fact that many Christians like to ignore entirely. (See Matthew 19:12 and 1 Corinthians 7: 32, 34)

While we should discuss purity in our relationships, we also need to learn what healthy intimacy looks like in a marriage. How can that be learned in a crash course six weeks before the wedding? That’s like sending grade school students into a Bar examination and hoping they will pass and become great lawyers.

Last year, I had the honor of participating in two weddings. At one rehearsal dinner, the bridesmaids and groomsmen were seated separately. The bride had come to chat with her friends and mentioned reading a book that I had recommended to her. Immediately, the women who were married began asking questions about that book, whipping out their phones and jotting down the title and author.

The irony of the situation was not lost on me. I, the single bridesmaid, had found access to information that they, the married, also wished to know. While I hope to one day have a great marriage, they are in the process of building theirs. I had found a resource that was merely interesting to me but possibly expedient for them at that time.

While I am by no means an expert on marriage, I am happy to share an insightful blog by a Christian marriage writer, Sheila Wray Gregoire. I share this with the hopes that my married and unmarried friends might find some of the answers they’re looking for! Check it out: https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/

 

Keep the Momentum

I was in the woods, pedaling up a slope, over the knobs of tree roots, darting branches overhead. My companion, ahead of me, called back and told me to shift gears. Suddenly, I was flying.

My memory soared back to the summer of 2015, when I spent over a month in the southern French Alps for an immersive school program, through which I was able to work with the Office de Tourisme in the city of Jausiers. During that time, I was introduced to hiking.

My family is not an outdoorsy family. We never went camping or hiking. Once, I remember my dad taking us all out fishing, and that was it. Our vacations were spent in resorts, where we ventured out to shop and maybe tour museums and see some shows. The one thing I loved to do with my dad, while on vacation, was to go horseback riding. Dad and I would ride horses while my mother and sister shopped.

So, in 2015, I was thrust into a new world. I stayed in a lodge that specialized in sporting activities, the Centre Sportif d’Oxygénation Jean Chaix. Groups would come in from all over France to stay there. One group, I remember, was a cycling club from Paris. They came for an entire week to have a vacation full of cycling through the mountains. As I left for my internship, they were mounting their bicycles. When I went into the common room to do my homework, they were practicing yoga. I was amazed by their constant physical activity.

That being said, I did my own fair bit of hiking during that trip, and I loved every minute of it. The tourism office brought me on an official work-related hike, hosted by the park rangers of the Parc du Mercantour. On that hike, I struggled to keep up with my French counterparts. These were mountain people, accustomed to long hikes on rocky terrain with steep inclines. I was just a girl from Louisiana, more accustomed to swimming in subtropic conditions than hiking through snow in July.

Climbing up the mountain was not too difficult. We would stop and take pictures of the chamois, and I would have time to catch my breath. Yes, I lagged behind the others, but I didn’t worry, because I knew they weren’t going to abandon the American college kid to the wilds of the Alps. Sure enough, they waited for me when it was time to descend.

When I looked down the mountain, I froze. The downward path looked like a cliff to me. I could not see where to put my feet as I watched the other people seemingly walk on air down the face of the mountain.

I stood there until a park ranger came up to me and said, “Prenez ma main.” (Take my hand.) He then explained to me, in French, “March forward and slide a little down the rocks. There. Take another step. Slide. There.”

This was the memory that came to my mind yesterday, as I rode my bicycle up, down, and all around the trail in my local state park. My friend ahead waited patiently for me to keep up and gave me advice on how to maneuver the path. “Peddle up the slope, then ride the downward slope. Keep the momentum,” he called out to me.

Keep the momentum.

Those words have been repeating in my head.

Keep the momentum.

After the mountaintop experiences, we have to come down the mountain.

Keep the momentum.

Sometimes, we fall.

Get back up, and keep the momentum.

I am so thankful for the people who have helped me get to where I am now. No one is perfect. No one is born an athlete. Believe it or not, no one is born a Christian. Being a Christian requires the same amount of dedication and work as athleticism requires. At some point in all of our lives, we are new to something, and we need the encouragement of an older, more experienced person to help direct our paths.

Let the church be like the guides who helped me through the Alps and through the woods. Let’s not become so preoccupied with being cool that we don’t even realize the struggles of the people around us. If you see someone falling behind, call back, encourage them, and offer them a hand, if you need to do so. Don’t abandon the newbies. Don’t leave them to figure it all out while you zoom ahead of them.

Lead them. Wait patiently for them to catch up. Help them to follow the path. Give them advice. Show them how to keep the momentum of their faith through the ups and downs.

Keep the momentum.

 

 

Beyond the Storm

In 2016, the clouds rolled into my life. I was harassed. My house flooded among thousands of others in the greatest flood to ever hit Louisiana in 500 years. Then, on September 8, my grandmother, Loretta Bernard, went home to the Lord after battling Alzheimer’s disease for over a decade.

During this time, many well-intentioned people offered well-meaning advice. “You just need a boyfriend.” “At least your house did not burn” was the comfort offered for the piles of moldy heirlooms and belongings thrown on the roadside. “Her suffering is over.”

The human experience is marked by duality. We are both physical and spiritual, emotional and intellectual. Even rational, Spirit-filled Christians fight irrational, carnal emotions. It is one thing to look empirically at hardships and call them a trial, but it is quite another thing to experience the fiery trial which befalls you.

Some trials cause rage and fear, feelings of violation. The August flood came to me as numbing, inconceivable destruction. In some ways, losing your possessions is like dying alive. You look at your tangible memories (pictures, journals, sermon notes, diplomas, etc.) in the face as they rot, and you cast them out as if they never existed. When it became clear that Grandmother was dying, we sat by her side, holding our breath, praying for her struggling to end, yet anxiously watching the rise and fall of her breath, listening.

Dying is not pretty, from what I have seen. I met Grandmother’s dying process with great grief. In the end, I blessed God at her death, because I could not bear to see her suffer any longer.

We humans want to think that we know how we will react to the storm when it comes.  I never fathomed the strength I would gain to gut my house. I never imagined the simultaneous peace and loss Grandmother’s death would bring.

Most of all, I realized how much I underestimate Jesus. I was given immeasurable compassion from friends and family who lifted me up in prayer.  After the flood, we were overwhelmed by help from family, friends, and even strangers who came from far and wide to help us remove what was destroyed and restore what was left.

A church brother offered my family and I a place to stay rent-free until our house was habitable again. (We lived there for almost four months). Churches gave us sheets, blankets, food, toiletries, and later, paintbrushes. A couple from Wisconsin camped in our yard for months to help us rebuild. We received incredible monetary gifts. Friends of mine contrived to replenish the beloved books I lost.

Every need we had, God supplied.

Too often, we ask ourselves, “What would I do if or when…?”  However, really, we should wonder, “What will God do if or when…?”

From what I saw in 2016, I can testify that though the enemy may come against us like a flood, the Lord raises a standard against him. (Isaiah 59:19).

From the flood, I learned “GOD is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed…Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled.” (Psalm 46:1-3).

Like the Psalmist, I boast that never have I “seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed.” (Psalm 37:25-26).

To the mourners, be assured. Jesus said, “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4).

We do go through storms in this life, trials beyond compare and belief. (See 1 Peter 4:12.) You may lose your job, your possessions, your friends, your loved ones. Any and all may disappear. (See Job!)

Nevertheless, do not focus on the storm itself, because it will pass. Instead, trust in the God who sees beyond your shortcomings and who provides beyond your fears and doubts.

Cast your cares on him! (1 Peter 5:7) Trust in his might! (Psalm 37:5) Take refuge in him! (Psalm 31:3) Rest in knowing that he provides for his people. (Matthew 6:33)

Have faith that while you tremble at the thunder, Jesus Christ is orchestrating your sunshine beyond the storm.

 

Woman of God: A Powerful Force in Ministry

There is a new force rising in the ranks of Pentecost. This force has been the subject of much discussion as of late, and we see the evidence of it in our major publications. This force, powerful and strong, is the educated female minister.

Let there be no confusion. Ministry is multi-fold. There are music ministers and ministers of hospitality in addition to the commonly known ministers, such as preachers and teachers. There are ministers of writing, obviously. The list does not end there. We can also identify bake sale coordinators, campus ministers, prison ministers, pastors, missionaries, evangelists, etc.

A woman can fill each one of these roles.

However, I am not writing this post to argue the validity of there being no distinction of male or female, Jew or Gentile in the body of Christ. (See Romans 2:11, Galatians 3:28). I am writing to re-introduce the 21st Century Church to its forgotten vessel: the educated woman.

I’m afraid of sounding utterly snobbish and pretentious even as I try to put into words what is throbbing in my heart. I feel that there is a great need for women of God to broaden their minds, strengthen their doctrine, and stand boldly for Christ. Likewise, there is also a great need for men of God to support and acknowledge these women in ministry.

Growing up, I often doubted that there would ever be a place for me in ministry. One of my mom’s favorite memories of me occurred after a service with a missionary. At the tender age of five, I looked up at my mother and asked, “Mommy, do you think God would let me be a missionary?”

That was a precious moment. Not so precious, though, were the times during my teenage years when I would sit in a youth service or camp and hear a minister say, “Some of you young men will grow up to be pastors and missionaries! And some of you women will grow up to be pastors’ wives and missionary wives!” Why can I only be a wife, I wondered.

I grew tired of dating young men who didn’t want to talk about doctrine. I grew tired of ambitious young men who only wanted to know if I played an instrument and liked to cook. When my uncle joked that maybe “the Lord was calling me to the single life”, I admitted to wondering the same.

The truth is that I do not want to be the woman who sits on a pew to look pretty. I don’t want to sing pretty or play pretty or talk pretty or smile pretty just for the sake of prettiness. And though all these things are good, they should never be expected of a person based on her gender!

I want to dig into the Word of God. I want to learn as many languages as I possibly can to dive into this globalized society with the message of Christ. I want to write and travel and teach.

And I am a woman.

Why am I writing this? I’m writing for you, whoever you are. I am writing for the 14-year-old girl who feels a call to preach. I’m writing to the 17-year old who is trying to figure out the benefits of a secular college versus those of seminary. I am writing for the smart girls who feel stifled and for the sweet boys who want to make a difference.

There is a place for you in ministry!

Furthermore, there is a place for you in ministry, and it does not depend on your relationship status, ladies. Go to college, if you can afford to do so. Learn about this world in which we’re living. Learn how they think. Learn what you think! Dig into the Bible! Entrench yourself in sound doctrine. Speak words of life into the lives of your classmates. Be a witness in this world, “a city set upon a hill that cannot be hid” (See Matthew 5:14). Get involved in a campus ministry. If you are still in high school, start a P7 Bible study. Grow up to marry, if the Lord wills it, a man who will be emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually strong enough to lead you and uplift you in your walk with God.

Gentlemen, learn to value a woman’s mind. Learn to see her as your intellectual equal. Esteem her good works. Ask her what she thinks. Be interested in what she thinks. Aspire to marry, if the Lord wills it, a woman who will awe and inspire you to be a better man, rather than marry a woman who will only flatter your vanity and make you think you are better than the man you are. I say this with kindness.

What are the benefits of a woman in ministry who has a secular education? She has studied to show herself approved both in the spiritual and in the natural. (See 2 Timothy 2:15). She has established herself intellectually and spiritually. She has found purpose in her life beyond marriage and procreation. Although the sanctity of marriage is to be honored, let’s not forget that the apostle Paul did caution against it as it can prevent both men and women from working as much as they can for the Lord. (See 1 Corinthians 7).

Who are some powerful, educated women mentioned in the Bible? Deborah, a prophetess, was a judge of Israel and accompanied Barak’s army into battle. (See Judges 4 and 5). Huldah, a prophetess, lived in a college in Jerusalem and counseled priests. (2 Kings 22:14, 2 Chronicles 34:22). These two women stand out among the many smart, holy women of faith in the Bible, such as Hannah, Abigail, Esther, Mary, Elizabeth, the other Mary, Martha, Priscilla, Lois, Dorcas, etc. (See The Bible!)

By the way, both Deborah and Huldah were married. So, don’t think I’m bashing men or marriage. (The good Lord and I have had many a talk about boys and marriage over the years. Marriage is a beautiful experience for those who are called to it, and I look forward to one day marrying the man whom God has chosen for me.) What I am doing in writing this post is desperately shooting a spark out in the digital universe, hoping to shed light on a subject that has been seemingly ignored for too long. To put it simply: There is an identity for women greater than that of “daughter” or  “wife” or “mother”, and that is,  Woman of God.
Ladies, you are not a trophy to be won. You are jewels who shine in your own right. (See Proverbs 31). Don’t let your passion to serve the Lord be quenched! Don’t be frightened away by obstacles; they are only there for you to overcome them. I see a bright future, full of opportunities for you in this new generation. Never give up. You are a force to be reckoned with!

Defining the Church

One of the scariest words in the vocabulary of the modern American is simply this: Church.

It’s okay. Inhale. Exhale. Let’s try to practice saying it.

Just purse your lips together and tap the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth, behind your teeth. Ch.

Now, flatten your tongue as you pronounce the low central  vowel along with its vocalic /r/. Ur.

Then repeat the above. Ch.

Church.

There, the deed is done. You said it. Congratulations. Inhale. Exhale.

As silly as our little exercise may seem, I hope it makes you and I both think about the words we constantly-sometimes thoughtlessly-allow to flip through our tongues or fingers, as the case may be.

Currently, I am in the process of getting two degrees from Louisiana State University. My majors are English and French, with a minor in linguistics. Word exercises like the above are common in my line of work.

In fact, I have ‘Eliza Doolittle’ moments all the time! In linguistics courses, professors will even pass around hard candy sometimes for us to place in our mouths, so we can practice making sounds and study the movements of our tongues against the candy while making the sounds.

The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
Moses supposes his toses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously.
Et cetera, et cetera!

The Church (capital “c” meaning The Church, e.g. the Bride of Christ) is more than just a word. What you see on the screen before you is just the signifier (parole) for the signified (langue). In layman’s terms, the letters C-H-U-R-C-H are what you, my dear reader of the English language, recognize as meaning something other than mere letters of the Roman alphabet.

That being said, I must ask:

What does this word, Church, mean for us? What comes to our mind when we see or hear or say this word?

Church.

Since I grew up in a pastor’s home, I must say a flood of thoughts, images, emotions and memories pour through my mind when I summon that word to the forefront of my recollection. I see Sis. Mendoza’s candy sale, my Grandmother sitting erectly on a pew, Mother at the piano, Dad in the pulpit. I remember praying in the altars, singing on the platform, vacuuming between the pews, listening intently to sermons upon sermons upon sermons, watching missionary slideshows, eating with friends, volunteering with the Salvation Army.

But my personal memories do not construct an adequate definition of the Church for anyone else. Let’s think of a more general statement.

Many say that the Church is a hospital for the lost, sick, and weary.

I like this definition. It is supported by Scripture.

James, the brother of Jesus, writes, “Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall heal the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he hath committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.” (James 5:14-15)

The Church, through faith and the power of the name of Jesus, provides healing for the sick.

Isaiah, a prophet of Israel, writes of the Church, which is often referenced in Scripture as the Bride, saying, “I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels.” (Isaiah 61:10)

Here, Isaiah speaks of God clothing the Church with salvation and righteousness. Hence, the Church is for the lost and unrighteous.

The apostle Paul, speaking of the unrighteous, says that they shall not inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9) He makes a long list of what signifies unrighteousness, then comes back with:

“And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:11)

So, the Church is place for imperfect, unrighteous, unclean, guilty people to meet with a perfect, righteous, pure, and holy God.

The definition does not end there, however.

The Church is a hospital for the lost, sick, and weary, yes.

However, the Church is also an agency which delegates tasks of service to the saved, healed, and triumphant.

Once we, the broken sinners that we are, become healed and redeemed by the blood of Christ Jesus, we are no longer in need of a hospital. Does that mean we no longer need the Church? As Paul would say, “God forbid”. (See Romans 3)

The Church is not some physical building. We are the Church. You are the Church, and I am the Church. (See 1 Corinthians 12, Galatians 3:24-29)

As time passes and the fervency of our conversion lessens, we often forget who and what the Church is. We are the Church. The Church is a hospital. The Church is an agency, with many members. Some of us are to preach, teach, exhort, encourage, sing, bake, and/or clean. We are to wash each other’s feet, share our bread, visit the prisoner, cover the naked. That is what the true Church does. (See Matthew 5 and 25, Luke 3 and 22, 1 Corinthians 11)

So, forgive me if I’m sickened today, as I see “Church” members parading down streets with filthy, hateful signs, condemning the sinner, when we should be loving him. (John 3:17)

Forgive me if I’m tired of seeing religious rants posted on social media by people who will not lift a finger for their neighbor. (Mark 12:27-32)

Forgive me if I am confused and utterly disappointed by the “Church” members who seek a church (lower case “c”, meaning a meeting place or local congregation of believers) which will satisfy their every want and desire (good music, fun events, gobs of people), when-really-we should be seeking to serve our Church and communities, regardless of the size, the fun, or the recognition.

The questions we should be asking ourselves are simple. Is our church a house of prayer? (Matthew 21:13, Mark 11:17, Luke 19:46) Does our church adequately represent the hands and feet of Jesus? (James 1:27) Are our leaders passionate for the cause of Jesus and living lives of service? (Mark 9:35, 1 Timothy 3) And am I doing everything in my power to shine the light of Jesus to the world around me instead of just sitting on a pew and tanning in His presence? (Matthew 5:14)

Forget the music.
Forget the lights.
Forget the media.
Forget the events.
Forget the fellowship hall, or lack thereof.
And please, for the love of every pastor on the face of the earth, forget the size of the congregation.

Because when we are able to strip away those artificial attributes of a church, we can more clearly see The Church. God has something deeper for us, something more exquisite than smoke and lights: the opportunity to bring love, grace, and healing to a hurting world.

Seeing a revelatory vision of Jesus, John writes, “And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.” (Revelation 22:17)

We have to stop looking at the Church’s packaging and see it for its water. It might be easier to say “Church” if we could have a sip of that water. It might be easier to stand and serve others if we would first satisfy our own thirst for the everlasting. (See John 4)

It’s free.
It’s cool.
It’s living life abundant.

Let’s say it.

Church.

One for the Single Gents: You Complete Me, Part 2

Every once in a while, I find myself scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed, and I see that someone has taken a quiz on, say, www.zimbio.com. They discovered which Disney princesses or villains they are, and, if I’m curious enough, I’ll take the quiz myself. Recently, I was surprised by the results I was receiving from these “personality tests”. In regards to Disney villains, if you must know, I was Jafar from Aladdin. In “Which ‘Once Upon a Time’ Character Are You?”, I was astonished to learn that I was Prince Charming!

The challenge commenced. I began taking quiz after quiz, and, sure enough, I consistently was told that I was a man (except for the Disney princess quiz! *I was a tie between Belle and Pocahontas.) That being said, from one fellow to another, I dedicate this post to you, my he-man, manly-man friends!

It is interesting to me how something so trivial as a personality quiz can sometimes impress profound self-reflection. In taking those quizzes, my eyes were opened to some of my own faults and weaknesses. Does it surprise you that I’m flawed? God forbid (but thanks just the same!). The revelation of our own imperfections beautifully allows us to better praise the immaculate perfection of Jesus Christ.

The apostle Paul said it best: “This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.”  (1 Timothy 1:15). Sometimes, we may read that scripture and think, “Come on, Paul, you weren’t the chief of sinners! You wrote 2/3 of the New Testament. Our prisons are filled with criminals who committed far worse sins that you ever did.” However, Paul was correct, because he realized that he was the chief sinner in his life’s story as I am the chief of sinners in my life’s story. Without the love of Jesus Christ in my life, I, too, am “become as sounding brass, or tinkling cymbal.” (1 Corinthians 13:1).

What does this have to do with being single or being complete? Am I going to advocate celibacy as Paul did in 1 Corinthians 7? What does this all mean? Allow me to clarify.

When we read the Bible, especially the Old Testament, it can be easy to gloss over chapters of genealogies and age-old stories. This year, though, as I began reading through the Bible, I found new meaning in the story of Jacob. Jacob fascinates me, because I see in him a male version of myself.  I recall joking to my mom when I was younger and homeschooled, saying, “You should have named me Jacobine, because I am a ‘dweller of tents’ too!” (Genesis 25:27).

All joking aside, I really like Jacob, despite his flaws. He was man who knew what he wanted and  pursued it whole-heartedly. When he met that gorgeous shepherdess Rachel in the desert, he immediately bargained for her hand in marriage with her father Laban and agreed to work seven years for her (Genesis 29:9, 18). Now, that is love!

Fast-forward twenty years, and you will see Jacob married to two women (Rachel and her ‘tender-eyed’ sister, Leah), the keeper of two concubines, the father of over a dozen children, and the owner of a gigantic herd of livestock. The blessings in Jacob’s life were monumental. His wives adored him. He was married to the woman of his dreams (Rachel). He had plenty of children to fulfill the promises of God to his forefathers (that his seed would be blessed). He was materially wealthy. For all intensive purposes, Jacob was a man’s man. He had it all-his father’s blessing, a family, and  riches. From our perspective, Jacob’s life might seem complete. What more could he possibly desire?

Let’s cut to the chase-shall we? Jacob and his posse were returning to the land promised them by God, but they encountered a problem. See, Jacob had cheated his brother, Esau, out of his birthright and paternal blessing, and Esau had brooded inconsolably for twenty years. Informants told Jacob that his brother was coming to meet him with an army (Genesis 32:6). This was distressing news; it required Jacob to think and think quickly.

Our man of action devised a plan: he would send his goods, then his concubines, then his wife Leah, and his favorite wife Rachel forward to meet his brother, as gifts of atonement. Finally, Jacob would present himself  humbly before Esau.

So, he “took them, and sent them over the brook, and sent over that he had. And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.” (Genesis 32:23-24).

Interesting things happen when we are left alone. The quietness of solitude is the amplifier for the still, small voice of God. Jacob then wrestled with the angel of God. More importantly, he wrestled all night, even after having the joint of his thigh dislocated (Genesis 32:25). Why? Jacob battled through excruciating pain and refused to quit, because he realized that his life would be forever empty without the presence of God in his life (Genesis 32:26). That’s a man’s man!

Have you ever been that desperate? Have you ever craved a word from God so ardently that you spent the night in spiritual travail and supplication?  Despite his outward appearance of wealth and success, despite his forefathers’ relationship with God, Jacob would fight in the dirt with an angel all night long just to receive his own personal promise from the Almighty. Without God, he realized his life was incomplete. Like brass, he was shiny on the outside, cold on the inside.

The good news is Jacob was rewarded for his efforts. The angel acquiesced and declared to him: “Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.” (Genesis 32: 28).

Jesus said, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” (Matthew 16:24-25).

The point is clear. Nothing in this world will ever satisfy our soul’s craving for that which gave us breath (the Spirit of God). Neither relationships nor wealth nor fame and acclamation will satiate  us. Only Jesus can satisfy. His Word feeds us. His Spirit quenches our thirst.

Like John the Baptist, I pray each day Jesus will increase, and I, with all my possessions and earthly desires, will decrease. (John 3:30)

Paul said it best:

“That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us:

“For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring.” (Acts 17:27-28)

“And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:” (Colossians 2:10)

Guys, if you’re hungry, distressed, depressed, or just feeling like the void in your heart grows deeper with every activity meant to fill it, I hope this post might nudge you to give Jesus a shot. He’s worth it, and-believe it or not-you are worth His blessing in the eyes of God.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)

Thanks for reading! May God bless you!

One for the Single Ladies: You Complete Me, Part One

Once upon a time, a young woman named Von de Leigh met a young man. He was kind of cute, a little funny. She thought she had met her match. Then, she nearly lost her mind.

“I never thought I could feel this way about another person,” she thought pensively. “Why is this happening to me? I used to be happily single, loving Jesus, and living life! Now, I can’t stop thinking about some stupid guy-He’s not stupid, Von de Leigh! He is wonderful and brilliant and has a heart for God. Surely, on some enchanted evening, he will see the light (gleaming from my eyes) sweep me off my feet, and we’ll all live happily ever after! Right?”

These fantasies lingered for days, weeks, and months, even. She dressed her best, smiled her most,  and adamantly tried to be the most amazing woman on earth.

Then, she began to lose her stamina. Despite all the effort she invested into being what she imagined was the perfect woman, she knew that nothing she could ever do would be enough for someone who was simply not interested in her.

“God, what is happening to me,” she cried to Jesus. “I can’t take it anymore! I’ve done everything I can do! And I am done wasting my time obsessing over something over which I have no control. If he is not in Your plans for my life, please take these feelings away!”

So, God, hearing the cries of His daughter, gently took away the unrequited hopes and dreams which had taunted/tormented her for so long.

And that is not the end. In fact, the Lord sealed her with new promise and revealed to her what she will now share with you:

Happy Singles’ Awareness Day! You have survived another Valentine’s Day, comprised of a social media newsfeed heralding pictures of flowers, candles, stuffed animals, and cardboard hearts full of chocolate. I applaud you.

Here’s the good news, all of the chocolate is on sale today, for you and I, fellow singles!

Pardon the sarcasm. I happen to love Valentine’s Day. In fact, yesterday, I wore a heart-embellished cardigan as I stood in front of the Student Union at LSU, passing out cards and candies with my campus ministry, The Cause (which you can follow on Facebook and Twitter, @thecauselsu).  It was a good day!

However, for those of us who are single, Valentine’s Day and every other day that a friend gets engaged/married/has a baby or simply posts a picture of his/her significant other can be difficult.

We all have or have had seasons like the one I depicted in my little tale. We just want to love and be loved. We want the teddy bear, the bouquet, and the waxy chocolate, preferably dipped in a hint of strawberry.

This year, I have begun writing a new chapter in my life. I am in a concentrated season  of prayer and fasting. At the First Pentecostal Church of Baton Rouge (www.fpcbatonrouge.com), my pastor, Dan Davis, has been preaching a series entitled “GROW”, inspired by Psalm 92. In my own personl prayer time, I have been emphasizing “more of God, less of me.”  I do want to grow-deeper in Truth, closer to God.

My youth group (225 Nation!) has embarked on a mission to read through the new chronological BREAD (Bible Reading Enhances Any Day) Bible, published by the United Pentecostal Church International (www.upci.org). Reading the Bible in its entirety is always an illuminating experience.

Recently, the night before I was to speak at the Cause, I tumbled into my room after doing an exhaustive amount of homework. I prayed, “Lord, I don’t have the time or energy to study more of Your Word than the three chapters I have to read tonight, and I have no idea what I should talk about tomorrow night!”  What could I possibly glean from Genesis or Exodus that would relate to students at a campus ministry? Instantly, the Lord reminded me of a story that I had just finished reading in Genesis 29. I’ll summarize it for you:

Once upon a time, there was a man named Jacob, who was running away from his evil twin brother, Esau. Escaping to his mother’s homeland, Jacob looked afar off in the distance, and saw a gorgeous woman, who was watering her father’s sheep. Jacob ran to this beauty, kissed her, lifted his voice, and wept (Gen. 29:11)!

Now, Jacob learned that Rachel was his cousin, and bargained with her father to work for seven years as a vassal to win his fair lady’s hand! How those years flew for this young lover! In fact, the years seemed “but a few days, for the love he had to her.” (Gen. 29:20).

Unbeknownst to Jacob, there was a peculiar custom in the land that the elder sibling must marry before the younger. Rachel was not the oldest daughter in her family. She had a sister named Leah, who was “tender eyed” (Gen. 29:17). As Jacob awoke the morning after his nuptials, he was astonished to find Leah-not his beloved Rachel-by his side (Gen 29:25)! Jacob confronted his father-in-law/Uncle Laban and demanded to be given Rachel as well, agreeing to work another seven years. And they were married.

However, all did not live happily ever after.

In fact, Genesis 29: 31 says, “And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb…”

Soon, she gave birth to a bouncing baby boy, named Reuben, and said to herself, “Surely the LORD hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me.” (Gen. 29:32). Yet two more sons son were born, and Leah, still desperately desiring the attention of her handsome husband, said, “Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons…” (Gen. 29:34).

But Jacob still did not love Leah. Despite what all the old wives in the village said, despite what the priest preached, and what the storytellers depicted about the great concept of being in love, Leah was beginning to lose hope. She began to think that Jacob did not complete her. In fact, she felt totally incomplete. She felt empty and hollow. Nothing she could do, no amount of children she could nurse and rear for Jacob, no amount of attention she could bestow upon him could make him love her. She felt utterly rejected and, worst of all, used.

Finally, Leah conceived and gave birth to her fourth son, who she named Judah. An overwhelming joy and peace encompassed her as she regarded this beautiful new life, and she said, “Now will I praise the LORD!” (Gen. 29:35)

Jacob could not complete Leah.

And no one in this world can complete you or me.

You see, no man or woman on earth is perfect. If I, who am imperfect, could only be complete by another imperfect man, then, one day, we would both be imperfect, incomplete, and crumbling apart. What, then, is the answer? If we will never be complete by a romantic relationship, who or what will fill the void in our heart?

Leah discovered that being a wife would not complete her. Being a mother would not complete her either. Even I have realized that my job, my degrees, and even my church-as much as I love them all- will never complete me. The good news is that Leah and I have both discovered what will complete us:

“Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” (I John 4:10)

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

“For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.” (John 3:16,17)

“And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:” (Colossians 2:10)

It may sound trite, but God will complete you! When you allow His love to pour into your heart and soul, you will find peace. It doesn’t matter what the movies say or what will be in your newfeed tomorrow. There is a love fuller, deeper, and greater than any romantic love that you can find here on earth, and that is the love of Jesus Christ.

May this be our prayer, “Lord, You complete me!”

To be continued…