On Dreams and Suffering

Dreams and suffering. We like to think and talk about dreams, for the most part, but suffering is another matter. Suffering is an uncomfortable subject for most of us. Whether we like it or not, we are all faced with suffering at some point in our lives, and we are all given the choice of either letting our suffering drive us to the total denial of our dreams or to deliver us to the entire delight of our God-given destiny.

At my church, I work closely with the youth group. I love those kids and am amazed that I have the privilege to teach them. Often when I look at their bright, hopeful faces, I feel ancient. They seem like soft sandy beaches on a warm Caribbean shore, while I feel like a rocky Mediterranean beach with chilly blue waves crashing against my coast. They have dreams that have not been touched by suffering. My dreams don’t resemble their dreams.

Why do I feel this way? I can’t say that I have suffered greatly. My trauma, by comparison to many, has been minimal. But I have witnessed the suffering of close friends and family that has totally changed my perspective on what it is to live life fully and to love unconditionally. The suffering I’ve witnessed has altered my expectations and my dreams.

When I hear young people talk about the type of homes they want, I think about my friends and family who have lost homes in floods or fire. When girls talk dreamily about the number of kids they want to have, I remember the funerals of children I’ve attended. Recently, I heard a young man describe the type of son he wanted to have, and I wondered how he would react to a child who was developmentally challenged.

There is no harm in dreaming. I have dreams, too, of exotic vacations, a beautiful house, and a loving husband. When I was a kid, I once cut out pictures from magazines and pieced together a blueprint for my dream home. I remember my mother looking wistfully at my patchwork house and saying, “I hope you get the house of your dreams.”

These days, I don’t snip out pictures from magazines anymore; I use Pinterest, instead. Several years ago, I, like many girls, created a Pinterest board, where I pinned lovely white dresses and delectable cakes. I still have that board, but it’s changed. As time passed, I started pinning more quotes about what makes a good marriage, because I’ve started to dream less about the marriage party and more about the actual marriage relationship.

How did this dream change? I can remember the exact moment. Together, my grandparents were separately battling the physical effects of a stroke and Alzheimer’s Disease. My grandmother, scrambling to keep her thoughts straight, was using her frail frame to leverage my grandfather from one seat to another. I looked at them and felt a new revelation dawn on my mind: This is love. This is what it means to vow “For better, for worse/ In sickness and in health/ Til death do us part”. This is it.

In this past year, again, I’ve been reminded of that moment as I have watched my best friend and her husband recover from an explosion that burned them both. They have the kind of strong love that I witnessed in my grandparents, though their love is still technically so young. My dreams of pretty dresses have faded almost to non-existence. My dream has shifted to a beautiful love instead.

Ultimately, I think suffering is supposed to change us for the better. It’s painful to view suffering in a positive light when we are in the midst of it. If we must encounter trouble, however, we should learn to look for the ways it will benefit us.

Suffering is a master teacher. Suffering tells us what is really important in life. What’s more important, the house or the family? What is more important, my appearance or my ability?

Suffering tells you the content of a person’s character. When you hit a rut in the road, and your cup of coffee spills, you feel frustration but not surprise. Coffee came out of the cup, because coffee was in the cup. Similarly, when suffering occurs, the true character of a person is revealed.

Perhaps most importantly, suffering teaches us to appreciate the mundane moments that bring relief. Have you ever enjoyed a really good cup of coffee while waiting in the hospital? Or sung a hymn with someone preparing to go to the Lord? Have you ever tilted your head toward the sun and listened to the birds sing after crying your eyes out? I’ve learned to look for those moments in times of hardship.

A lot of people of faith do not like to acknowledge suffering. I’ve heard people ardently declare that suffering is not in God’s will for his people. I do not believe that torment is for the people of God, but I do believe that suffering is something we will all encounter from time to time. Jesus suffered.

Isaiah prophesied that the coming Messiah would be a “man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.” (Isa. 53:3)

I love the wording of the Passion Translation of Hebrews 2:18 : “He [Jesus] suffered and endured every test and temptation, so that he can help us every time we pass through the ordeals of life.”

Jesus said, “And everything I’ve taught you is so that the peace which is in me will be in you and will give you great confidence as you rest in me. For in this unbelieving world you will experience trouble and sorrows, but you must be courageous, for I have conquered the world!” (John 16:33, TPT)

So, do we despair that suffering is inevitable? No, not by any means! We delight in knowing that while suffering is inevitable, God is ever faithful! We remind ourselves that our pain is not prophecy; our pain simply resets our focus on our purpose and passion. Look at the opening verses of Romans 5:

“1 Our faith in Jesus transfers God’s righteousness to us and he now declares us flawless in his eyes. This means we can now enjoy true and lasting peace with God, all because of what our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One, has done for us. 2 Our faith guarantees us permanent access into this marvelous kindness that has given us a perfect relationship with God. What incredible joy bursts forth within us as we keep on celebrating our hope of experiencing God’s glory!
3 But that’s not all! Even in times of trouble we have a joyful confidence, knowing that our pressures will develop in us patient endurance. 4 And patient endurance will refine our character, and proven character leads us back to hope. 5 And this hope is not a disappointing fantasy, because we can now experience the endless love of God cascading into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who lives in us!“

This is our hope! This is our assurance! If you are dreaming, keep dreaming! If you are suffering, keep holding on to hope in Jesus! His compassion does not fail. There is nothing too hard for Him. He loves you with an everlasting love. Let’s trust God with our dreams and with our suffering. Maybe it’s time for our dreams to be re-drafted, even if they must be stenciled with suffering.

One for the Single Gents: You Complete Me, Part 2

Every once in a while, I find myself scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed, and I see that someone has taken a quiz on, say, www.zimbio.com. They discovered which Disney princesses or villains they are, and, if I’m curious enough, I’ll take the quiz myself. Recently, I was surprised by the results I was receiving from these “personality tests”. In regards to Disney villains, if you must know, I was Jafar from Aladdin. In “Which ‘Once Upon a Time’ Character Are You?”, I was astonished to learn that I was Prince Charming!

The challenge commenced. I began taking quiz after quiz, and, sure enough, I consistently was told that I was a man (except for the Disney princess quiz! *I was a tie between Belle and Pocahontas.) That being said, from one fellow to another, I dedicate this post to you, my he-man, manly-man friends!

It is interesting to me how something so trivial as a personality quiz can sometimes impress profound self-reflection. In taking those quizzes, my eyes were opened to some of my own faults and weaknesses. Does it surprise you that I’m flawed? God forbid (but thanks just the same!). The revelation of our own imperfections beautifully allows us to better praise the immaculate perfection of Jesus Christ.

The apostle Paul said it best: “This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.”  (1 Timothy 1:15). Sometimes, we may read that scripture and think, “Come on, Paul, you weren’t the chief of sinners! You wrote 2/3 of the New Testament. Our prisons are filled with criminals who committed far worse sins that you ever did.” However, Paul was correct, because he realized that he was the chief sinner in his life’s story as I am the chief of sinners in my life’s story. Without the love of Jesus Christ in my life, I, too, am “become as sounding brass, or tinkling cymbal.” (1 Corinthians 13:1).

What does this have to do with being single or being complete? Am I going to advocate celibacy as Paul did in 1 Corinthians 7? What does this all mean? Allow me to clarify.

When we read the Bible, especially the Old Testament, it can be easy to gloss over chapters of genealogies and age-old stories. This year, though, as I began reading through the Bible, I found new meaning in the story of Jacob. Jacob fascinates me, because I see in him a male version of myself.  I recall joking to my mom when I was younger and homeschooled, saying, “You should have named me Jacobine, because I am a ‘dweller of tents’ too!” (Genesis 25:27).

All joking aside, I really like Jacob, despite his flaws. He was man who knew what he wanted and  pursued it whole-heartedly. When he met that gorgeous shepherdess Rachel in the desert, he immediately bargained for her hand in marriage with her father Laban and agreed to work seven years for her (Genesis 29:9, 18). Now, that is love!

Fast-forward twenty years, and you will see Jacob married to two women (Rachel and her ‘tender-eyed’ sister, Leah), the keeper of two concubines, the father of over a dozen children, and the owner of a gigantic herd of livestock. The blessings in Jacob’s life were monumental. His wives adored him. He was married to the woman of his dreams (Rachel). He had plenty of children to fulfill the promises of God to his forefathers (that his seed would be blessed). He was materially wealthy. For all intensive purposes, Jacob was a man’s man. He had it all-his father’s blessing, a family, and  riches. From our perspective, Jacob’s life might seem complete. What more could he possibly desire?

Let’s cut to the chase-shall we? Jacob and his posse were returning to the land promised them by God, but they encountered a problem. See, Jacob had cheated his brother, Esau, out of his birthright and paternal blessing, and Esau had brooded inconsolably for twenty years. Informants told Jacob that his brother was coming to meet him with an army (Genesis 32:6). This was distressing news; it required Jacob to think and think quickly.

Our man of action devised a plan: he would send his goods, then his concubines, then his wife Leah, and his favorite wife Rachel forward to meet his brother, as gifts of atonement. Finally, Jacob would present himself  humbly before Esau.

So, he “took them, and sent them over the brook, and sent over that he had. And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.” (Genesis 32:23-24).

Interesting things happen when we are left alone. The quietness of solitude is the amplifier for the still, small voice of God. Jacob then wrestled with the angel of God. More importantly, he wrestled all night, even after having the joint of his thigh dislocated (Genesis 32:25). Why? Jacob battled through excruciating pain and refused to quit, because he realized that his life would be forever empty without the presence of God in his life (Genesis 32:26). That’s a man’s man!

Have you ever been that desperate? Have you ever craved a word from God so ardently that you spent the night in spiritual travail and supplication?  Despite his outward appearance of wealth and success, despite his forefathers’ relationship with God, Jacob would fight in the dirt with an angel all night long just to receive his own personal promise from the Almighty. Without God, he realized his life was incomplete. Like brass, he was shiny on the outside, cold on the inside.

The good news is Jacob was rewarded for his efforts. The angel acquiesced and declared to him: “Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.” (Genesis 32: 28).

Jesus said, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” (Matthew 16:24-25).

The point is clear. Nothing in this world will ever satisfy our soul’s craving for that which gave us breath (the Spirit of God). Neither relationships nor wealth nor fame and acclamation will satiate  us. Only Jesus can satisfy. His Word feeds us. His Spirit quenches our thirst.

Like John the Baptist, I pray each day Jesus will increase, and I, with all my possessions and earthly desires, will decrease. (John 3:30)

Paul said it best:

“That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us:

“For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring.” (Acts 17:27-28)

“And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:” (Colossians 2:10)

Guys, if you’re hungry, distressed, depressed, or just feeling like the void in your heart grows deeper with every activity meant to fill it, I hope this post might nudge you to give Jesus a shot. He’s worth it, and-believe it or not-you are worth His blessing in the eyes of God.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)

Thanks for reading! May God bless you!