Prayers that Hurt: Prayers of Faith

Over the past several months, I have been thinking and writing about prayers that are difficult to pray, prayers that are so hard to utter that they seem to hurt us. I did not come by these thoughts in moments of enlightened meditation. I was not cuddled up in a blanket, holding a cup of tea, and writing under the inspiration of the Holy Ghost. No, I have written this series while taking cold medication and wrestling with God over this season of life I am in.

I cannot explain why some seasons can be so similar yet so different from others. In 2015, I studied abroad. While feeling mildly homesick at times, I have always felt perfectly “at home” in France. In 2018, I moved a few hundred miles away from home. Within two weeks, I felt so much “at home” in southwest Louisiana that I chose to continue living there when my temporary job assignment ended. So, when I got married, I thought I would adapt seamlessly to Indiana, like I have in the past. To my surprise, that has not been my experience.

It has been nearly a year since I moved here, and I still feel like I am just visiting. I feel like I moved across the world. I do not understand the customs, the culture, or the language. I am an alien. You would think I would feel closer to God, but it feels like even God is at a distance from me.

I joked to my mother the other day that the warmer weather she experiences in the South is due to being held closer to God’s heart. Indiana had some warmer days last summer, but I’ve almost forgotten them in the midst of what seems like an endless winter. It is very hard for me to pray any prayer, let alone a prayer of faith.

So why am I writing on this topic? What makes me such an expert? I’ve just admitted that I am struggling to have faith.

I am writing to prove to myself and to you that prayers of faith are indeed hard, yet they still have their reward.

Since coming to Indiana, I have busied myself with work. Currently, I work in funeral services and volunteer at a food pantry in my spare time. Daily, I meet with people who are experiencing varying levels of loss and heartache. Some have lost jobs. Some have lost the physical ability to work. Some have lost loved ones. It is a humbling experience to witness the suffering of so many people. There are days when I come home feeling grateful for my blessings. There are also days I come home feeling overwhelmed and frustrated by all the heartache I see. I am only human.

The number #1 question many of us have is: How do I find hope after heartache?

First, we must understand that heartache and pain are symptoms of living in a sinful world. Every single one of us experiences times of change and loss. Trauma is relative, and we all experience it on some level.

But our trauma does not dictate our future.

We must remember that God is in the midst of our mess. He is working through our problems with us.

Romans 8:22-28 says this:

“For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because[a] the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,[b] for those who are called according to his purpose.” (ESV)

We can have hope, not because we experience pain, but because we know that the Spirit of God is groaning with us, working out our pain into our purpose.

Think of a situation that seemed to be bad but produced something good. Perhaps you have seen a stressful situation yield strength in someone? Perhaps you have seen weeping develop wisdom.

The Scripture we read says that the Spirit searches our hearts and helps our infirmities. When we pray, we can trust that the Lord is examining our hearts and groaning with us in any pain we experience. Trusting the goodness of God and His justice is the basis of our faith and hope.

Hebrews 11:1 and 6 states, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen…But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.”

When we believe in God, we understand that He is concerned for those who seek Him. This is the foundation of our faith and hope. This is how we build our hopeful prayers while experiencing heartache.

Having faith and hope does not always mean that we get what we want.

While God searches our hearts and groans with our groanings, He still has a perfect Will that may be different from our own.
Jesus taught His disciples to open prayers with the declaration, “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:10, KJV) I have to remember that God’s will is not always the same as my will.

I may not get what I want, but God will give what I need. Paul writes to the church at Philippi: “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19, KJV)

My needs are not equal to my wants. I may want coffee, but I need water. I may want chocolate, but I need nutritious food. God promises to supply our needs!

I go back to my original question: Why am I writing on this topic when I am admittedly struggling in this area?

James 5:16 says, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” (KJV)

You know, every time I hear that verse referenced in church, it’s condensed to “The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” No one ever talks about the first part: “Confess your faults on to another, and pray one for another, THAT YE MAY BE HEALED.” (Emphasis added.)

I don’t know about you, but I need healing. I mourn for my old life. If I were Lot’s wife, I’d be a pillar of salt already. I am struggling to see God’s hand or hear His voice in my new reality. This is my confession. Pray for me if you feel lead to.

Emotional healing comes through confession, prayer, and passionate faith. We need emotional support. We need prayer. And we need to have faith.

Ultimately, it’s important to remind ourselves that the final victory over all our trials is in Jesus.

Life really is short in the grand scheme of things. James 4:14 says, “For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.” (KJV) The irony is that life really seems to go by quickly the longer you live it!

Similarly, our troubles are not eternal. Let’s look at what the Apostle John saw in his vision of Jesus:

“And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.
“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
“And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.
“And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.
“He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.” – Revelation 21:2-7, KJV

These are the promises of God to those who overcome! What is an overcomer? It’s exactly what it sounds like.

To overcome is to “get the better of” or to “surmount”.

We can rest in knowing that there is more to our story than what we see right now! Jesus holds the ultimate victory. And we will share that victory with Him one day!

Until we reach that victory, we will pray in times of change, pray in times of loss, pray for forgiveness, and pray with hope and faith that God is working it all out for our good.

Lord Jesus, we thank you for the time that we have had to grapple with the prayers that hurt. It’s not always easy to pour our hearts out before you. Sometimes, prayer hurts. But we trust that you will be with us, groan with us, and sustain us through the hard times. We know that we will experience victory through you alone! Help us to continue to grow in faith and hope. We trust in you. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

Prayers that Hurt: Prayers of Forgiveness

When I think about the most impressive feats of forgiveness that I have ever seen or heard of, I think of the response of the Amish community in Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania to schoolhouse shooter/suicide victim Charles Carl Roberts IV. Parents mourning the brutal loss of their innocent children offered forgiveness and love to Mr. Roberts’ widow and children. What a sobering, humbling reminder of what forgiveness looks like.

Still, I often think about the nuances of forgiveness, perhaps because it is the area in which I require the most improvement. In the past, I have been able to easily forgive some people who have hurt my feelings greatly, because I remember, like Jesus that “They know not what they do.” (See Luke 23:24). However, there are other situations that are much more nuanced and difficult.

Sometimes it’s easy to forgive an outright enemy, but it feels impossible to forgive someone who perseveres in appearing like a friend. Psychologists tell us that there are individuals called narcissists who like to “lovebomb” their victims. They hug you and say they love you. They give you gifts. They act like your biggest fan. Then, they try to control you, to isolate you from friends and to impose their will onto your life, perhaps even under the guise of “God’s will”. You may try to reach a place of understanding with these individuals and find yourself exposed to gaslighting, manipulation, or even attempted humiliation. Then, the cycle begins again. (See this article here.)

Many articles I’ve read tend to describe narcissistic relationships in terms of romantic relationships, but this can happen in any relationship with another person. It could be a parent-child relationship, an employer-employee relationship, or even a ministry relationship. Toward this latter end, we find the current theme of church hurt being discussed across social media platforms.

There is no hurt quite like church hurt. There is nothing like experiencing the negative human frailties of someone in a position of spiritual leadership. I have been both guilty of inflicting hurt and being hurt in this regard. Forgiveness is vital to our collective healing. But what does forgiveness look like, biblically? And how do we learn to forgive?

When Jesus taught about forgiveness, He taught us to have mercy and grace towards those who have wronged us. In fact, one of the major themes of His famous “Sermon on the Mount” is that of forgiveness. Let’s look at what Jesus taught:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

(Matthew 5:38-48, NIV)

On a first reading, this teaching goes against our human nature. No one wants to pray for the person who has hurt us. We don’t naturally want to turn the other cheek. We don’t want to pray blessings on those who have cursed us.

Jesus didn’t just preach forgiveness, He showed forgiveness. When Jesus died on the cross, He said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 22:34, KJV) It is difficult to imagine how Jesus was able to say those words as He prayed for those who put Him to death.

It can be hard to read on forgiveness when our hearts long for justice. Today, we hear a lot about seeking justice, and it isn’t wrong to hope that justice will be performed. When we are wronged, we want the world to know that we are wronged. When we are hurting, we want others to know that we hurt.

The Lord cares when we are wronged. Scripture teaches that God is just, and He has the power to seek revenge.

Deuteronomy 32:35 (NIV) quotes God as saying, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay.” Isaiah 9:7 (KJV) prophesies of the Messiah, saying, “Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end, upon the throne of David, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this.”

Psalm 37:12-13 (NIV) says, “The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them; but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming.”

We can still hope for justice while learning to forgive.

When we forgive, we are putting our trust in the God who loves justice. Forgiveness does not deny the wrong that has been done to us. Forgiveness acknowledges the wrongdoing and chooses kindness toward the wrongdoer.

Not every person who does wrong is sorry. Forgiving someone who is not apologetic for their wrongdoing is extremely difficult. We always have to remember that God does not require our bitterness to enact His justice.

Romans 12:18-21 (NIV) says: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

The Apostle Paul encouraged the church in Rome to “live at peace with everyone” as much as possible – “as far as it depends on you”. Living peaceably means not pouring our anger out on a person. If we repay kindness toward those who hurt us, we may bring peace into an agitated situation.

But what if people continue to negatively respond to your efforts of peace?

Trust God to avenge you.

If you want to sleep well and have peace in your hurt, give that hurt to the Lord. Let him work out your situation. Let God’s justice prevail. Focus your thoughts on the goodness of God, and trust his goodness to extend towards your pain.

How do we forgive and bless those who wronged us?

First, we must choose to pray to forgive someone. How we pray for someone begins with a choice. We begin by acknowledging that God will right any wrongs.

Second, we realize that surrendering to God’s justice will free us from bitterness. Forgiveness does not eliminate justice; forgiveness allows us to surrender justice back to God. We can trust the Lord with our hurts, because He joins us in our pain.

Romans 8:26 (NIV) states, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.”

When we pray hard prayers of forgiveness for those who have wronged us, the Spirit of God joins us with “groanings which cannot be uttered.” (See Romans 8:26, KJV) The Lord is not oblivious to our pain. We can acknowledge our heartaches to God while we seek to forgive those who have instigated our pain.

Unforgiveness can lead us to do even worse than what was done to us.

The Amish schoolhouse killer had a reason for killing innocent girls: He was angry at God for the death of his baby daughter. He justified killing children because his daughter had died shortly after being born. But those deaths did not bring back his child who died. This was not true justice.

One loss never justifies the loss of another. Forgiveness does not erase our pain, but it displaces our anger. We are choosing to free ourselves from anger when we surrender it to the Lord in prayers of forgiveness. We choose peace over bitterness when we forgive. Ultimately, we allow God’s true justice to be performed when we stop trying to take justice into our own hands.

Let us pray.

Lord Jesus, only You know the wrongs that have been done against us and the wrongs we may have done to others. You know the truth. You know our pain, and You grieve with us. You know the pain of those we have hurt, and You grieve with them. Please comfort those who are hurting today. Comfort those who have been wrongfully mistreated. Help us to trust in Your justice. Help us to forgive ourselves for our past mistakes. And help us to forgive those same people who have hurt us, because we know that hurtful actions often come from hurt-filled people. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: It is appropriate to remove/protect yourself from continued abuse, especially if the abuse is physically violent in nature. Report violations of/assaults against your person or belongings to the proper authorities (both legal and church) in order to put a stop to abuse. Forgiveness is a choice we make to rid ourselves of continued negative thoughts that may violate our emotional state. Forgiveness does not require us to be endlessly subject to abuse. Turn the other cheek, but don’t continue to stand in the presence of the person who insists on striking you.

Prayers that Hurt: Prayers in Times of Loss

Months ago, I decided to write a series on “Prayers that Hurt”. It’s not that I believe that praying causes physical pain. (Although there have been times of deep prayer when I have felt anguished to the point of physical pain.) However, there are also times when praying is the last thing that we want to do. Sometimes, praying feels hard or maybe even useless.

I have never struggled to pray or study my Bible more than in times of loss. In my previous post, I wrote about times of transition. Yes, loss is often interrelated to change. Losing a loved one changes the atmosphere of holidays and significant moments in life, like graduations, marriages, and births. This past year alone, I’ve experienced so many changes and losses combined that it’s been mind-numbing.

The longer I live, the less I want to use an internet platform as any kind of personal diary, but I would like to share some lessons I’ve learned in the hopes that they would bless someone else. Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes, life feels like living in a snow globe. Every once in a while, something or someone comes and shakes up things. Life is blurry, and we can’t see through all the flakes falling around us.

That is often how it feels to navigate loss. You try to create order out of chaos. You try to see through the misty fog. You try to make sense out of the senseless. It is in those times that we must turn to Jesus, but how?

In my personal Bible reading, I’ve begun re-reading the Book of Job. We can’t really talk about loss without talking about Job. Job was a man who lived many, many years ago, long before Abraham or Moses or nearly anybody else you know from the Bible. In fact, we don’t know much about when Job lived. We know he lived in a place called Uz! Job was a blessed man who prayed to the Lord constantly – so much so, that he caught the attention of the spiritual world.

The Book of Job tells us that the Lord noticed Job’s righteousness, and so did Satan. Satan, the enemy of God and creation, believed that the only reason Job prayed to God was because God blessed him so much. So, God allowed Job to suffer through loss to see if Job would continue to trust in God or not.

Job lost everything.

His oxen and donkeys were stolen. His servants were killed. His sheep and shepherds were burned by fire. His camels were stolen.
Worst of all, his children were crushed under a house that capsized in a windstorm.

Then, his body was covered in sores.

Job experienced loss on every level – he lost his health, his livelihood (his job), and his family. What did Job say? How did Job pray? What did he tell his friends who came to comfort him? (Well, he said quite a lot, but I’m going to focus on a few key things that were said. For more information, I’d invite you to read Job for yourself!)

He prayed:
“And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.” (Job 1:21-22)
He told his friends:
“Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.” (Job 3:15)

How did Job still bless the Lord in the face of so much loss?

How did Job continue to trust in God?

Have you ever been in a situation and felt a little bit like Job? Have you lost loved ones? Have you experienced physical difficulties?

Think about some of the emotions that you have felt in those times. Maybe you’ve been angry. Me too. Maybe you have felt feelings of depression or anxiety. I’ve been there.

Job understood something important: That bad things happen even to good people. We come into this world with nothing. Even if we should have every material blessing that the world can offer, we will leave this world as we came in. Job understood that the blessings he enjoyed were from God and not his own doing.

Similarly, we have to understand that every good thing in our life is from God. It’s easy to become so bitter about our losses that we ignore our blessings. We can condition ourselves to only expect bad things. When blessings come, we don’t even know how to properly enjoy them, because we are just waiting for the next bad thing. I know I have done that, and I have to remind myself to enjoy the blessings while I can.

The Book of Job tells us that Job had three “friends” come to visit him, and they had all kinds of opinions about what Job should or shouldn’t feel or do during his time of loss. They suggested that his loss was the result of hidden sin in his life, but Job protested that it wasn’t. When we read the book of Job, it doesn’t seem like Job’s friends were very good friends to him at all.

Times of loss can reveal to us who are our true friends and who are not. Do your friends accuse you for your own losses? Do your friends cause you to doubt God?

Psalm 42:10-11 (KJV) says, “As with a sword in my bones, mine enemies reproach me; while they say daily unto me, Where is thy God? Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.”

Loss can reveal the best and worst of all people. Psalm 42 describes enemies who come mocking your faith in times of despair. These are the people who question your belief in God when difficult circumstances arise. Maybe you’ve had friends like Job’s friends who try to say the right thing and end up saying all the wrong things.

Like Job, the writer in Psalm 42 reminds himself that he will continue to praise God, because God is the health of his countenance. In other words, the psalmist is saying that he knows that God is the source of whatever good that is still in his life, despite his depression. While bad things happen in this world that is so riddled with death and destruction, anything that is good comes from God.

Read James 1:17:

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.”

While we may not know the origins of our losses, we can know with assurance that the origin of all good in our lives comes from God. God orchestrates our lives out of goodness and love.

Read Romans 8:28.

Can you trust that God is working everything for your good? Will you believe that God can reorchestrate the loss in your life into something beautiful?

Read Jeremiah 18:1-6.

The prophet Jeremiah tells us how God is able to take our brokenness, like a potter takes a marred pot, and make us into something new.

How do we pray while we’re on the Potter’s wheel – being remade from our brokenness?

First, we acknowledge that our loss does not negate God’s blessing.

When we lose belongings, we can still be grateful for the moments we had possessing them. When we lose a loved one, we can hate that they are no longer with us, but we can also be grateful that we were able to love them.

We also must remember that whatever good we can find in our lives is from the Lord. The person who offers condolences is showing God’s love and concern for you. The warm sunshine on your face is a shimmering reminder of God’s light.

Finally, we trust that the pain we are experiencing will be transformed by the hand of God into something beautiful.

Lord Jesus, we pray today for those experiencing a season of loss. You know who they are. You know the heartaches they harbor and the pain that they wish to conceal. You see the broken pieces. We trust that You are here with us, and that You understand where we are. Please help us to remember that Your grace is sufficient for us, that You are still showing Your goodness even in the midst of our grief. We trust that You are taking our marred hearts and making something beautiful out of them. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.

Prayers that Hurt: Prayer in Times of Transition

In the past 10 years, I have lost count of the major life changes that have occurred in my personal life. Flood, deaths, fire, hurricanes, pandemic, marriage, and relocation. This year has been probably the most eventful one. I quit the job I loved to move nearly a thousand miles away to marry my husband! It’s been a whirlwind of identity changes and culture shock.

Have you ever found yourself in an unfamiliar situation and been confused about what your actions should be? As we grow older, we continually find ourselves in new, unfamiliar situations. We go to school and eventually graduate. We work different jobs throughout the years. We live in different places. Some of us may even move to another city or another country.

Those kinds of changes are somewhat to be expected, but what about the unexpected changes that will occur? What about losing a loved one? What about moving to a new country where you don’t speak the same language as everyone else?

The Bible teaches us about a young woman named Esther who had been through a great many life changes.
She lived as an immigrant in Babylon after being carried away into captivity with her cousin Mordecai. (Esther 2:5)
She was an orphan. Her cousin raised her after her parents died. (Esther 2:7)
Her Hebrew name was Hadassah, but she came to be known by the Babylonian name Esther. (Esther 2:7)
She was selected to be the new queen of the empire after the king casually dismissed the queen he had. (Esther 2:17)

As queen, Esther faced her biggest challenge and potential life change: She had to decide if she would risk her life to save the Jewish people from annihilation. We must understand that Esther lived in a very different society from the one we live in today. While she was queen and married to the king, she did not have much freedom to speak to her husband the way that most wives can today. In fact, she was not allowed to even be in the same room as her husband without his invitation! The consequence for going to him without an invitation was death. (Esther 4:11) Nevertheless, Mordecai, her cousin, begged her to intervene for their people. Faced with the decision to save herself or risk death to save her people, what did Esther decide to do?

“When Esther’s words were reported to Mordecai, he sent back this answer: ‘Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?’ Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: ‘Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.'”(Esther 4:12-16, NIV)

Faced with the impossible, Esther decided to fast and pray for three days, and she asked everyone close to her to pray and fast as well. While we are not told about Esther’s emotions during those three days, we can imagine how difficult those three days were.
Esther didn’t know the end to her story, the way we know Esther’s story. She had no way of knowing how the king would respond to her.

What do you think you would do if you were in Esther’s situation? Too often, we feel pressure to hide our problems to fit an aesthetic on social media. We’d rather escape from the challenges of our lives by seeking diverting entertainment.

We’re probably all more likely to want to run away than press through difficult situations. It’s normal to want to avoid difficulties.
But what would happen if we decided to start pressing through our problems with prayer and fasting?

Read Matthew 26:36-39:
“Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, ‘Sit here while I go over there and pray.’ He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, ‘My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.’ Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.'”

There are times in our lives when we don’t know what to do. In those times, we should take our troubles to God in prayer and seek His will.

One of the takeaways we can have from the stories of Esther and Jesus is that times of change call for times of prayer. God gave Esther favor. She was able to approach the king without an invitation and subsequently save her people from destruction. As we know, Jesus endured the suffering of the cross to save us all from a world of sin. In both cases, Esther and Jesus found strength to do the tasks that they needed to do.

None of us wants to go through hard times, but we all do eventually. Hopefully, we won’t have to face annihilation or crucifixion. But what do we do when we are put in a difficult situation? How do we react?

Read James 1:2-3, 12:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

Throughout Scripture, we see examples of people resisting temptation and persevering in faith. The passage from James instructs us to endure temptation, to keep pushing through difficulties. How do we push through and endure hard times? We need to fast and pray.

God knows all things. (1 John 3:20) God knows when you are hurting, when you are scared, and when you are angry. You don’t have to hide your feelings from God in prayer!

When you pray, be open and honest with God. You can pour your heart out before Him. You can present God with your hurts and fears.

The Bible says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. ” (1 Peter 5:6-7, NIV)

God cares about you! He cares about your life, your difficulties, your heartaches, and your pains. We are invited to give our cares to God, to humble ourselves before Him, and offer our paths to Him.

If you are in a difficult situation, and your life seems to be changing beyond recognition, you can turn to God and pray the hard prayers. Ask God to step into your situation – whatever it may be. Be open about how you feel.

If you’re confused, tell the Lord.

If you’re angry, tell the Lord.

If you’re scared, tell the Lord.

Welcome God into your life, as messy as it may be, and allow Him to do His work. He cares for you!

My prayer for us all:

Lord Jesus, many of us have experienced or will experience life changes that will put us out of our element. We feel launched into the unknown, uncertain of the path forward. Help us to turn to You in these times. We don’t need distractions. We need You. We need You to step into our lives, sit with us in our pain, and guide us in our confusion. We are casting our cares upon You because we know that You care for us. Please walk with us today and guide us closer to You. In Jesus’ name, we pray, Amen.

On Simplicity

Many years ago, I heard a minister teach on the biblical book of Proverbs. He made the statement that the writers of Proverbs describe different “seats”, one of which being the “seat of the simple”. Joking, the minister quipped, “We will all sit in the seat of the simple at some point in our lives. If any of you have been newly married, you’re sitting in the seat of the simple!”

It has been quite a long while since I sat to write a blog post, 9 months to be exact. Within those 9 months, I have both become engaged and gotten married! I quit my job and moved 930 miles away from home to start a new life. Now, I definitely sit in the seat of the simple.

It is humbling to go from working a full-time job to keeping house while looking for work. I am relying on a husband, whereas I was fully self-reliant 9 months ago. While I have remained within the same national boundaries, I have encountered many cultural differences that make me feel uncertain of what to say or do. It is strange to hear words in my native tongue refer to things or ideas with which I am unfamiliar.

I find myself reverting to what is familiar or maybe nostalgic. I made a gallon of sweet ice tea – something I hadn’t done since childhood, because it was comforting to me. I made gumbo and potato salad. These are all relatively simple recipes, and they transport me to simpler times in my own life.

I was homeschooled for the majority of my childhood. My life was rather simple and quiet. I read many books, studied, and went to church. My life seemed to go from a slow trot to hyper speed when I entered university, and it has not seemed to slow in speed until now. I now have time to think, arguably too much time to think.

While our society still values the idea of deep thinking, it does not value stillness and simplicity in the same way as it once did. Think, but think fast, society seems to say. Write about it, post about it, and create a podcast about it. Needlepoint it on a pillow and sell it. Create a reel if you want to be heard, 6 hours of work for 18 seconds’ worth of content. Try to be mindfully in the moment as you continue to overproduce and overwork. Think but be active while doing so. This is what our western society seems to say.

But what if you just stopped to think? What if you didn’t post about it? What if you stopped posting for days at a time? What if you stopped scrolling through reels? What if you actually washed the dishes in silence? What if you sat on the grass and read a book? What if you wrote in a journal…and didn’t post about it? What if you didn’t make reels about your mindful day?

To be honest, I have to laugh at the irony of it all when I see social media accounts dedicated to healthy, natural, mindful ways of living. They advocate a simpler lifestyle yet manage to post to social media multiple times a day. How simple is that, really?

My sister advised me to take time for myself once I got married so that I could learn my new identity. We remap our self-perceptions when we get married. It’s not that you lose your identity upon getting married, but you add to it like adding a new thread to your life’s tapestry. I can’t say I’ve quite figured out this new pattern in my life. I enjoy being married, but I am still trying to comprehend the new landscape around me. I am navigating new territory with a wonderful companion, but his company does not eliminate the challenge of traversing the unknown. In many ways, he is as clueless as I am about the path before us.

The voice of the Lord whispers above society’s clamor for upward mobility and productivity: “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” (Psalm 46:10, NIV)

There is a time for productivity, and God knows that there have been seasons of my life when I have balanced multiple jobs or prioritized schoolwork while also recovering from the aftermath of a natural disaster. Just a few months ago, I balanced a full-time job, part-time school, church involvement, a long-distance relationship, and wedding planning. At this moment, however, it seems as if I have been called into a season of stillness and, yes, simplicity.

Like all seasons, this one will eventually come to an end. Proverbs teaches that the simple can gain wisdom and thus become wise. (See Proverbs 1:4; 8:5; 9:4-5) However, if I choose to grovel in my simplicity and constantly look back to my old life, I am in danger of becoming stagnant. I suppose this is why I am writing today, to let the world know that though I am entering a new season of indiscernible breadth and desert-like qualities, I hope to learn new things that will both benefit my life and the lives of those around me. Nevertheless, for now, I wait for direction from my Master Guide.

“But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31, NKJV)

May the Lord bless you.

On Love

Love.

It’s as necessary to our spirit as breath to our bodies. Yet love is one of the most difficult things to give to another person, and sometimes it can be the hardest thing to receive. Love can feel like alcohol on a wound or a bitter medicine. It hurts, yet it heals.

Of course, I am writing about true love, holy love, pure love. Shakespeare eloquently penned a description of love in Sonnet 116, saying:

“Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.”

Love is not love which ignores. Love is not love which demands sacrifice from others. Love is not love if it speaks with the intention to hurt and cause pain. Love is not love if it harms you physically. Love is not love if it does not give you clear, direct, honest answers.

What is love? Love is placing the needs and desires of another person above your own. Love is being able to look at a person who hurt you and choosing to see instead the hurt inner child in the heart of the abuser. Love might walk away from someone who is perpetually disposed to cause harm, while still praying for that person to find peace. Love never bad-mouths.

Do I have perfect love? I don’t think so. But I’ve seen it.

Ephesians 5 talks a lot about love and turns its focus specifically towards marriage. I’ve read commentaries on Ephesians 5 that have chilled my heart as false theologians tear the words out of the page and fit them into their own twisted doctrine. But Ephesians 5 itself is a love story. It begins, “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Eph. 5:1, NIV)

The writer of Ephesians tells us not to be loose with our bodies or with our words, but rather be holy and give thanks. Don’t get drunk but make music! Give thanks.

Ephesians 5:21 exhorts, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

This is a foreign concept to a civilization that focuses on the rights of the individual. The more I look at biblical love, however, the more I realize that true love submits. The next verse tells wives to submit to their husbands. Verse 24 tells wives to submit to their husbands like the church submits to Christ. These verses are key scriptures that false teachers like to grasp from the healthy biblical context and beat over the heads of women in bad marriages. But that is not correct. Wives submitting in marriage will not necessarily save all marriages. Biblical marriage is not built on one person submitting to the other.

Further in the reading, husbands are addressed. Verse 25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

To the untrained eye, it might seem that wives should submit and husbands should love.

But what is love?

The writer of Ephesians compares the love of a husband to the love of Jesus. How did Jesus give himself up for the church? Hebrews 12:2 describes it like this: “For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” How did Jesus endure the cross? For one thing, he carried his own cross on his way to be executed upon it. (See John 19:17)

So why would I say that false teachers focus on wives submitting to their husbands to save unhealthy marriages? If our sole focus in saving marriage is creating a power dynamic that hinges upon the submission of wives to the leadership of their husbands, then we are essentially taking the cross of the marriage from the husband and placing it disproportionately on his wife’s back.

Wives, submit to your husbands. Husbands, lay down your lives for your wives. What exactly is laying down your life for another? Submission.

Wait! What? How can two people submit to each other? I can hear the rebuttals coming.

The writer of Ephesians seems rather nonchalant as he concludes the topic. Ephesians 5 ends with the following words:

“ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Eph. 5:31-33, NIV, emphasis added)

Love is a mystery, and the love between a husband and wife is described as a profound mystery.

Proverbs 30:18-19 says:

“There are three things that are too amazing for me,
    four that I do not understand:
 the way of an eagle in the sky,
    the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
    and the way of a man with a young woman.” (Emphasis added)

I do not pretend to understand the mystery of marital love, but I hope to understand the essence of love. Paul wrote to the church at Corinth:

^“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV)

Creating hierarchies will never heal an unhealthy marriage, but love will. Insisting on one-sided submission in a relationship only enables narcissism. How about we all decide to fall in love instead?

One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?

Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself: All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22:35-39, NIV

Just love.

Dear Girl Who Feels Called to Preach

I hope this letter finds you well.

I am writing to you as a “Zillennial”. I’m from that awkward generation that was born at the very end of the Millennial generation, right before Generation Z. In my lifetime, I’ve seen many changes, including the ever-evolving place of women in the church.

To give you some context of my experience as a woman in the church, I once had a Sunday school teacher who firmly believed that a “woman’s place” was “in the kitchen.” When I was a student in college, I once debated a young youth pastor on whether or not a single woman could be used in a pastoral ministry. Once, I was told by a well-meaning pastor that he was at a loss on how to put me to use. Even as an adult, I have come across elders in the church who try to push books like “Created To Be His Help Meet” or “Love & Respect” on women – books which teach that women should learn to respect and serve their husbands.

If you are like me, you’re tired of being told you have no purpose other than to glorify a man. And you should be tired of this message, because it is entirely unbiblical! The only one worthy of our glorification is Jesus, our Lord and Savior.

Yet, I have not lost faith that I will one day see as many female faces as male faces behind pulpits in the coming days. I have a dream of seeing an increase in female preachers, evangelists, pastors, board members, etc. I believe that, as we grow in our knowledge of scripture, we will grow to appreciate the diversity among the “fellow laborers” mentioned by the apostles.

The writer of Philippians specifically states:

“And I urge you also, true companion, help these women who labored with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the Book of Life. Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!” – Philippians 4:3-4

Laboring in the gospel is the work of both men and women, and I pray that all of us come to that revelation.

Recently, I gave an oral presentation on feminist criticism in theological studies for a course I studied at Urshan Graduate School of Theology. In my presentation, I noted how the lifespan of Jesus is marked by women in the Gospel of Luke.

• Mary is told that she will bear the Messiah. (Luke 1:26-38)
• Elisabeth prophesies and confirms that Mary is bearing the Messiah. (Luke 1:40-45)
• Women follow Jesus to Golgotha. (Luke 23:27-28)
• Women that followed Jesus from Galilee witness the crucifixion. (Luke 23:49)
• Women go to anoint Jesus’ body for burial. (Luke 23:55-56)
• Women discover the empty tomb and preach that Jesus is risen to the male disciples. (Luke 24:1-11).

There is a cute little bluegrass Christmas song that says “Mary was the first one to carry the Gospel”. While I smile when I hear that song, I also find it very affirming. Women, according to the Gospel of Luke, were the first ones to proclaim the life, death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus. If women could carry the gospel then, I believe they are more than capable of carrying it today!

Young lady, you are wondering if God called you to preach, because you are usually just assigned to run the bake sale or sing. You may have seen younger men than you in the pulpit. You wonder if all you will ever do is sing, when your soul aches to edify the church with sound doctrine.

Don’t lose heart! Your appointed time is coming! Keep studying the Word of God and share it with anyone who will listen!

With all my love,

Von de Leigh

About Jesus

The truth is that there is only one thing I really think worthy of discussion. This is the topic that I wish was headlining every article being shared on my social media newsfeeds. This subject matter is life-saving.

Let me tell you who Jesus is.

What can I tell you about Jesus?

I can tell you He is the only light I’ve seen in times of profound darkness. His voice whispers calmly to me when the world roars. I’ve felt his arms wrap around me when I’ve stood all alone.

When a flood came, God was my strength as I hoisted waterlogged furniture to the roadside. He provided food and shelter for us. What is more is that all we lost was beautifully replaced.

When the doctors voiced concerns about my sister’s ability to have children, God made a way for her to bring a beautiful baby girl into the world. You can read her story here.

When my family tried to prepare me for what they thought would be my best friend’s inevitable death, He was my quiet assurance that she would survive the ravages of the fire. Survive she did. You can see her story here.

What does that mean for you?

It means that your problem is not too big for God. It means that the miracle you need just might be on its way! Your prayers are being heard.

It means that God is STILL faithful. He is STILL a provider. He is STILL the Prince of Peace. He is STILL the Lord of Lords. He is STILL mighty to save. He will STILL deliver you!

Let me tell you who Jesus is! He is the Messiah! He is the soon coming King!

There’s nothing scary about him. He is exalted, yet he walked humbly among men. He is powerful, yet children run after him. He is pure, yet he loves all of us sinners.

Does this God sound different from the God you remember in the Bible?

Read Job’s story for a biblical example of how God can restore what is lost.

Read Sarah’s or Hannah’s stories of barren women becoming mothers.

Did Jesus weep when his friend Martha told him about the death of her brother Lazarus? Yes, but then He raised Lazarus from the dead! (See John 11)

The greatness of Jesus leaves me practically speechless. However, the minister S.M. Lockridge famously said it best:

“He’s the greatest phenomenon that has ever crossed the horizon of this world. He’s God’s Son. He’s the sinner’s Saviour. He’s the centerpiece of civilization. He’s unparalleled. He’s unprecedented. He is the loftiest idea in literature. He’s the highest personality in philosophy. He’s the fundamental doctrine of true theology. He’s the only one qualified to be an all sufficient Saviour.

I wonder if you know Him today?

He supplies strength for the weak. He’s available for the tempted and the tried. He sympathizes and He saves. He strengthens and sustains. He guards and He guides. He heals the sick. He cleansed the lepers. He forgives sinners. He discharges debtors. He delivers the captive. He defends the feeble. He blesses the young. He serves the unfortunate. He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent. And He beautifies the meek.

I wonder if you know Him?

He’s the key to knowledge. He’s the wellspring of wisdom. He’s the doorway of deliverance. He’s the pathway of peace. He’s the roadway of righteousness. He’s the highway of holiness. He’s the gateway of glory.

Do you know Him? Well…

His life is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes. His Word is enough. His grace is sufficient. His reign is righteous. And His yoke is easy. And His burden is light.

I wish I could describe Him to you. Yes…

He’s indescribable! He’s incomprehensible. He’s invincible. He’s irresistible. You can’t get Him out of your mind. You can’t get Him off of your hand. You can’t outlive Him, and you can’t live without Him. Well, the Pharisees couldn’t stand Him, but they found out they couldn’t stop Him. Pilate couldn’t find any fault in Him. Herod couldn’t kill Him. Death couldn’t handle Him, and the grave couldn’t hold Him.

Yeah! That’s my King, that’s my King.”

So why worry about anything? I know Jesus. Do you know him?

In the Garden

There is no perfume so heavenly as a blooming garden on a warm day.

There is a particular garden that always catches my attention when I go out for a ride on my bicycle. I love cycling with the sun and wind in my face, and fire in my muscles! I can hear the birds singing, and I can smell the food that’s being cooked as I pass by houses. There is one house, however, that I love to pass on my rides, because it has one of the most exquisite gardens that I’ve ever seen.

Picture it. A colonial-style home with white columns. There’s a dainty white table and chairs on the lawn. There are oak trees surrounded by spider plants. There are pink and white flowers stretching up from the ground. It’s a picture that you want to breathe in. I usually slow down my pace when I approach this house just to appreciate the beauty of it.

Several weeks ago, a friend and I were walking through my neighborhood, and I purposefully directed our path to go by this house. My friend looked at the house and said, “Wow! You know that’s an old garden. You don’t grow a garden like that overnight.” I smiled, thought about my modest yard, and agreed.

There are a lot of planting/farming/gardening metaphors in the Bible. Throughout history, civilizations were largely agricultural. So, it makes perfect sense that God would use agricultural terminology when speaking to his people. Unfortunately for those of us living in the Western world, we have become more industrial and have lost an understanding of the land. This loss of understanding in physical terms can also affect our understanding in spiritual terms as well.

The psalmist often compared a righteous man to a tree planted by rivers of water. (See Psalm 1, Psalm 52:8, Psalm 92:12-13, Psalm 104:15-17 )

The Song of Solomon uses the garden metaphor to depict a healthy sexual relationship between man and wife. (See Song of Songs 1:16-17 , Song of Songs 2:1-15, Song of Songs 4:11-15; Song of Songs 5:1, Song of Songs 7:7-13)

Matthew 13 is almost wholly comprised of parables about planting and growing to illustrate how we develop faith and apply God’s word to our lives.

The scriptures listed above are just a few of the many scriptures about planting, watering, growing, gleaning, and harvesting that can be found in the Bible. Moses wrote laws about it. David sang Psalms about it. Solomon romanticized it. Jesus applied it practically to our lives.

One day, on yet another bike ride, I was talking to the Lord about my life and was astonished to pass by my favorite house and garden only to see chaos! The owners were outside. Piles of greenery were discarded in heaps. Pots of plants were lined up, fresh from the store and ready to be planted in the ground. The dainty table and chairs were being vigorously re-painted. I felt the Lord speak softly to me: You need to learn more about gardening.

So, I brought a mint plant home after a visit at my parents’ house. I watched as the stress of the move killed most of the leaves. I plucked off the dead leaves, placed the plant in the sun, and watered it. New leaves came in.

Then, I purchased some new plants and began to make a compost for the bottom of my pots. I cut up the stems of an old bouquet and threw them in the pots. I collected dead leaves and put them in the pots. I noticed some dead insects on my porch and decided to throw them into the pots as well. Decaying plants and bugs provide excellent nutrients for the dirt which grows the plants.

Gardening is rather nasty if you think about it.

I started looking at my plant beds, which had been developed prior to my moving into the house. While the plants are prospering, so were the weeds that were sprouting up. I got down on my hands and knees in order to extricate the parasitic undergrowth of weeds. Before I knew it, 2 hours had passed. I was covered in dirt. A trash bag was full of weeds.

Gardening is hard work.

The results of good gardening, however, are beautiful.

One of my favorite verses of the Bible is Song of Songs 4:12, which I want to include here in different versions for context :

“A garden enclosed Is my sister, my spouse, A spring shut up, A fountain sealed.” (KJV)

“Dear lover and friend, you’re a secret garden, a private and pure fountain.” (MSG)

“My darling bride, my private paradise,
fastened to my heart.
A secret spring are you that no one else can have—
my bubbling fountain hidden from public view.
What a perfect partner to me now that I have you.” (TPT)

I love this verse, because I love the imagery of a person as a garden. I love the intimacy of being an “enclosed garden” both physically and spiritually. The relationship between the King and his beloved in Song of Songs is accepted as a template for marriage, much like marriage is biblically understood to be a physical representation of Christ’s relationship with the Church. Just as I reserve my body for my spouse, I reserve my soul for God.

As much as I do love to share parts of my life with people, there are parts of my life that I only feel comfortable sharing with God. The scripture teaches that God discerns the hearts of men (and women, of course). He is the only one who I trust to tend to the garden of my life. When I let God and his word take full effect in my life, I am letting the Master Gardener take control. If I don’t allow God into my life, I won’t be a garden but an overrun wilderness – a desirable place for predators to nest.

Sometimes we pass by someone else’s garden, like I do on my bicycle. We see the blooms and wish that our gardens were as fruitful. For the most part, we do not see the Gardener at work. We don’t see the piles of dirt, the decay, and the rain that worked together for those beautiful plants to grow. So, when we welcome the Lord into our lives, we are surprised when we feel like we’re being buried, when death and heartache are on every side, and storms of life blow over us. We want that lovely, picturesque garden, but we don’t want the tearing, uprooting hand of the Gardener.

Have you felt the Gardener’s hand on your life? Do you feel his painful grasp on the roots of your generational addictions and thought patterns? Those generational sins do not make up your root system – they are the weeds that encircle your roots, and they can be plucked out. Do you sense his touch in the midst of the troubles that have come upon you? Our sufferings are just compost that enriches us where we are planted.

Don’t worry about what the Gardener is doing to you. You can trust that He is working all things for your good. Ultimately, His work is going to ensure that you bloom and flourish!

And there is nothing so beautiful and heavenly as your garden will be if you’ll allow the Gardener to perform his work.

On Dreams and Suffering

Dreams and suffering. We like to think and talk about dreams, for the most part, but suffering is another matter. Suffering is an uncomfortable subject for most of us. Whether we like it or not, we are all faced with suffering at some point in our lives, and we are all given the choice of either letting our suffering drive us to the total denial of our dreams or to deliver us to the entire delight of our God-given destiny.

At my church, I work closely with the youth group. I love those kids and am amazed that I have the privilege to teach them. Often when I look at their bright, hopeful faces, I feel ancient. They seem like soft sandy beaches on a warm Caribbean shore, while I feel like a rocky Mediterranean beach with chilly blue waves crashing against my coast. They have dreams that have not been touched by suffering. My dreams don’t resemble their dreams.

Why do I feel this way? I can’t say that I have suffered greatly. My trauma, by comparison to many, has been minimal. But I have witnessed the suffering of close friends and family that has totally changed my perspective on what it is to live life fully and to love unconditionally. The suffering I’ve witnessed has altered my expectations and my dreams.

When I hear young people talk about the type of homes they want, I think about my friends and family who have lost homes in floods or fire. When girls talk dreamily about the number of kids they want to have, I remember the funerals of children I’ve attended. Recently, I heard a young man describe the type of son he wanted to have, and I wondered how he would react to a child who was developmentally challenged.

There is no harm in dreaming. I have dreams, too, of exotic vacations, a beautiful house, and a loving husband. When I was a kid, I once cut out pictures from magazines and pieced together a blueprint for my dream home. I remember my mother looking wistfully at my patchwork house and saying, “I hope you get the house of your dreams.”

These days, I don’t snip out pictures from magazines anymore; I use Pinterest, instead. Several years ago, I, like many girls, created a Pinterest board, where I pinned lovely white dresses and delectable cakes. I still have that board, but it’s changed. As time passed, I started pinning more quotes about what makes a good marriage, because I’ve started to dream less about the marriage party and more about the actual marriage relationship.

How did this dream change? I can remember the exact moment. Together, my grandparents were separately battling the physical effects of a stroke and Alzheimer’s Disease. My grandmother, scrambling to keep her thoughts straight, was using her frail frame to leverage my grandfather from one seat to another. I looked at them and felt a new revelation dawn on my mind: This is love. This is what it means to vow “For better, for worse/ In sickness and in health/ Til death do us part”. This is it.

In this past year, again, I’ve been reminded of that moment as I have watched my best friend and her husband recover from an explosion that burned them both. They have the kind of strong love that I witnessed in my grandparents, though their love is still technically so young. My dreams of pretty dresses have faded almost to non-existence. My dream has shifted to a beautiful love instead.

Ultimately, I think suffering is supposed to change us for the better. It’s painful to view suffering in a positive light when we are in the midst of it. If we must encounter trouble, however, we should learn to look for the ways it will benefit us.

Suffering is a master teacher. Suffering tells us what is really important in life. What’s more important, the house or the family? What is more important, my appearance or my ability?

Suffering tells you the content of a person’s character. When you hit a rut in the road, and your cup of coffee spills, you feel frustration but not surprise. Coffee came out of the cup, because coffee was in the cup. Similarly, when suffering occurs, the true character of a person is revealed.

Perhaps most importantly, suffering teaches us to appreciate the mundane moments that bring relief. Have you ever enjoyed a really good cup of coffee while waiting in the hospital? Or sung a hymn with someone preparing to go to the Lord? Have you ever tilted your head toward the sun and listened to the birds sing after crying your eyes out? I’ve learned to look for those moments in times of hardship.

A lot of people of faith do not like to acknowledge suffering. I’ve heard people ardently declare that suffering is not in God’s will for his people. I do not believe that torment is for the people of God, but I do believe that suffering is something we will all encounter from time to time. Jesus suffered.

Isaiah prophesied that the coming Messiah would be a “man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.” (Isa. 53:3)

I love the wording of the Passion Translation of Hebrews 2:18 : “He [Jesus] suffered and endured every test and temptation, so that he can help us every time we pass through the ordeals of life.”

Jesus said, “And everything I’ve taught you is so that the peace which is in me will be in you and will give you great confidence as you rest in me. For in this unbelieving world you will experience trouble and sorrows, but you must be courageous, for I have conquered the world!” (John 16:33, TPT)

So, do we despair that suffering is inevitable? No, not by any means! We delight in knowing that while suffering is inevitable, God is ever faithful! We remind ourselves that our pain is not prophecy; our pain simply resets our focus on our purpose and passion. Look at the opening verses of Romans 5:

“1 Our faith in Jesus transfers God’s righteousness to us and he now declares us flawless in his eyes. This means we can now enjoy true and lasting peace with God, all because of what our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One, has done for us. 2 Our faith guarantees us permanent access into this marvelous kindness that has given us a perfect relationship with God. What incredible joy bursts forth within us as we keep on celebrating our hope of experiencing God’s glory!
3 But that’s not all! Even in times of trouble we have a joyful confidence, knowing that our pressures will develop in us patient endurance. 4 And patient endurance will refine our character, and proven character leads us back to hope. 5 And this hope is not a disappointing fantasy, because we can now experience the endless love of God cascading into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who lives in us!“

This is our hope! This is our assurance! If you are dreaming, keep dreaming! If you are suffering, keep holding on to hope in Jesus! His compassion does not fail. There is nothing too hard for Him. He loves you with an everlasting love. Let’s trust God with our dreams and with our suffering. Maybe it’s time for our dreams to be re-drafted, even if they must be stenciled with suffering.