Prayers that Hurt: Prayers of Forgiveness

When I think about the most impressive feats of forgiveness that I have ever seen or heard of, I think of the response of the Amish community in Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania to schoolhouse shooter/suicide victim Charles Carl Roberts IV. Parents mourning the brutal loss of their innocent children offered forgiveness and love to Mr. Roberts’ widow and children. What a sobering, humbling reminder of what forgiveness looks like.

Still, I often think about the nuances of forgiveness, perhaps because it is the area in which I require the most improvement. In the past, I have been able to easily forgive some people who have hurt my feelings greatly, because I remember, like Jesus that “They know not what they do.” (See Luke 23:24). However, there are other situations that are much more nuanced and difficult.

Sometimes it’s easy to forgive an outright enemy, but it feels impossible to forgive someone who perseveres in appearing like a friend. Psychologists tell us that there are individuals called narcissists who like to “lovebomb” their victims. They hug you and say they love you. They give you gifts. They act like your biggest fan. Then, they try to control you, to isolate you from friends and to impose their will onto your life, perhaps even under the guise of “God’s will”. You may try to reach a place of understanding with these individuals and find yourself exposed to gaslighting, manipulation, or even attempted humiliation. Then, the cycle begins again. (See this article here.)

Many articles I’ve read tend to describe narcissistic relationships in terms of romantic relationships, but this can happen in any relationship with another person. It could be a parent-child relationship, an employer-employee relationship, or even a ministry relationship. Toward this latter end, we find the current theme of church hurt being discussed across social media platforms.

There is no hurt quite like church hurt. There is nothing like experiencing the negative human frailties of someone in a position of spiritual leadership. I have been both guilty of inflicting hurt and being hurt in this regard. Forgiveness is vital to our collective healing. But what does forgiveness look like, biblically? And how do we learn to forgive?

When Jesus taught about forgiveness, He taught us to have mercy and grace towards those who have wronged us. In fact, one of the major themes of His famous “Sermon on the Mount” is that of forgiveness. Let’s look at what Jesus taught:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

(Matthew 5:38-48, NIV)

On a first reading, this teaching goes against our human nature. No one wants to pray for the person who has hurt us. We don’t naturally want to turn the other cheek. We don’t want to pray blessings on those who have cursed us.

Jesus didn’t just preach forgiveness, He showed forgiveness. When Jesus died on the cross, He said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 22:34, KJV) It is difficult to imagine how Jesus was able to say those words as He prayed for those who put Him to death.

It can be hard to read on forgiveness when our hearts long for justice. Today, we hear a lot about seeking justice, and it isn’t wrong to hope that justice will be performed. When we are wronged, we want the world to know that we are wronged. When we are hurting, we want others to know that we hurt.

The Lord cares when we are wronged. Scripture teaches that God is just, and He has the power to seek revenge.

Deuteronomy 32:35 (NIV) quotes God as saying, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay.” Isaiah 9:7 (KJV) prophesies of the Messiah, saying, “Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end, upon the throne of David, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this.”

Psalm 37:12-13 (NIV) says, “The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them; but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming.”

We can still hope for justice while learning to forgive.

When we forgive, we are putting our trust in the God who loves justice. Forgiveness does not deny the wrong that has been done to us. Forgiveness acknowledges the wrongdoing and chooses kindness toward the wrongdoer.

Not every person who does wrong is sorry. Forgiving someone who is not apologetic for their wrongdoing is extremely difficult. We always have to remember that God does not require our bitterness to enact His justice.

Romans 12:18-21 (NIV) says: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

The Apostle Paul encouraged the church in Rome to “live at peace with everyone” as much as possible – “as far as it depends on you”. Living peaceably means not pouring our anger out on a person. If we repay kindness toward those who hurt us, we may bring peace into an agitated situation.

But what if people continue to negatively respond to your efforts of peace?

Trust God to avenge you.

If you want to sleep well and have peace in your hurt, give that hurt to the Lord. Let him work out your situation. Let God’s justice prevail. Focus your thoughts on the goodness of God, and trust his goodness to extend towards your pain.

How do we forgive and bless those who wronged us?

First, we must choose to pray to forgive someone. How we pray for someone begins with a choice. We begin by acknowledging that God will right any wrongs.

Second, we realize that surrendering to God’s justice will free us from bitterness. Forgiveness does not eliminate justice; forgiveness allows us to surrender justice back to God. We can trust the Lord with our hurts, because He joins us in our pain.

Romans 8:26 (NIV) states, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.”

When we pray hard prayers of forgiveness for those who have wronged us, the Spirit of God joins us with “groanings which cannot be uttered.” (See Romans 8:26, KJV) The Lord is not oblivious to our pain. We can acknowledge our heartaches to God while we seek to forgive those who have instigated our pain.

Unforgiveness can lead us to do even worse than what was done to us.

The Amish schoolhouse killer had a reason for killing innocent girls: He was angry at God for the death of his baby daughter. He justified killing children because his daughter had died shortly after being born. But those deaths did not bring back his child who died. This was not true justice.

One loss never justifies the loss of another. Forgiveness does not erase our pain, but it displaces our anger. We are choosing to free ourselves from anger when we surrender it to the Lord in prayers of forgiveness. We choose peace over bitterness when we forgive. Ultimately, we allow God’s true justice to be performed when we stop trying to take justice into our own hands.

Let us pray.

Lord Jesus, only You know the wrongs that have been done against us and the wrongs we may have done to others. You know the truth. You know our pain, and You grieve with us. You know the pain of those we have hurt, and You grieve with them. Please comfort those who are hurting today. Comfort those who have been wrongfully mistreated. Help us to trust in Your justice. Help us to forgive ourselves for our past mistakes. And help us to forgive those same people who have hurt us, because we know that hurtful actions often come from hurt-filled people. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: It is appropriate to remove/protect yourself from continued abuse, especially if the abuse is physically violent in nature. Report violations of/assaults against your person or belongings to the proper authorities (both legal and church) in order to put a stop to abuse. Forgiveness is a choice we make to rid ourselves of continued negative thoughts that may violate our emotional state. Forgiveness does not require us to be endlessly subject to abuse. Turn the other cheek, but don’t continue to stand in the presence of the person who insists on striking you.

Prayers that Hurt: Prayer in Times of Transition

In the past 10 years, I have lost count of the major life changes that have occurred in my personal life. Flood, deaths, fire, hurricanes, pandemic, marriage, and relocation. This year has been probably the most eventful one. I quit the job I loved to move nearly a thousand miles away to marry my husband! It’s been a whirlwind of identity changes and culture shock.

Have you ever found yourself in an unfamiliar situation and been confused about what your actions should be? As we grow older, we continually find ourselves in new, unfamiliar situations. We go to school and eventually graduate. We work different jobs throughout the years. We live in different places. Some of us may even move to another city or another country.

Those kinds of changes are somewhat to be expected, but what about the unexpected changes that will occur? What about losing a loved one? What about moving to a new country where you don’t speak the same language as everyone else?

The Bible teaches us about a young woman named Esther who had been through a great many life changes.
She lived as an immigrant in Babylon after being carried away into captivity with her cousin Mordecai. (Esther 2:5)
She was an orphan. Her cousin raised her after her parents died. (Esther 2:7)
Her Hebrew name was Hadassah, but she came to be known by the Babylonian name Esther. (Esther 2:7)
She was selected to be the new queen of the empire after the king casually dismissed the queen he had. (Esther 2:17)

As queen, Esther faced her biggest challenge and potential life change: She had to decide if she would risk her life to save the Jewish people from annihilation. We must understand that Esther lived in a very different society from the one we live in today. While she was queen and married to the king, she did not have much freedom to speak to her husband the way that most wives can today. In fact, she was not allowed to even be in the same room as her husband without his invitation! The consequence for going to him without an invitation was death. (Esther 4:11) Nevertheless, Mordecai, her cousin, begged her to intervene for their people. Faced with the decision to save herself or risk death to save her people, what did Esther decide to do?

“When Esther’s words were reported to Mordecai, he sent back this answer: ‘Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?’ Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: ‘Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.'”(Esther 4:12-16, NIV)

Faced with the impossible, Esther decided to fast and pray for three days, and she asked everyone close to her to pray and fast as well. While we are not told about Esther’s emotions during those three days, we can imagine how difficult those three days were.
Esther didn’t know the end to her story, the way we know Esther’s story. She had no way of knowing how the king would respond to her.

What do you think you would do if you were in Esther’s situation? Too often, we feel pressure to hide our problems to fit an aesthetic on social media. We’d rather escape from the challenges of our lives by seeking diverting entertainment.

We’re probably all more likely to want to run away than press through difficult situations. It’s normal to want to avoid difficulties.
But what would happen if we decided to start pressing through our problems with prayer and fasting?

Read Matthew 26:36-39:
“Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, ‘Sit here while I go over there and pray.’ He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, ‘My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.’ Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.'”

There are times in our lives when we don’t know what to do. In those times, we should take our troubles to God in prayer and seek His will.

One of the takeaways we can have from the stories of Esther and Jesus is that times of change call for times of prayer. God gave Esther favor. She was able to approach the king without an invitation and subsequently save her people from destruction. As we know, Jesus endured the suffering of the cross to save us all from a world of sin. In both cases, Esther and Jesus found strength to do the tasks that they needed to do.

None of us wants to go through hard times, but we all do eventually. Hopefully, we won’t have to face annihilation or crucifixion. But what do we do when we are put in a difficult situation? How do we react?

Read James 1:2-3, 12:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

Throughout Scripture, we see examples of people resisting temptation and persevering in faith. The passage from James instructs us to endure temptation, to keep pushing through difficulties. How do we push through and endure hard times? We need to fast and pray.

God knows all things. (1 John 3:20) God knows when you are hurting, when you are scared, and when you are angry. You don’t have to hide your feelings from God in prayer!

When you pray, be open and honest with God. You can pour your heart out before Him. You can present God with your hurts and fears.

The Bible says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. ” (1 Peter 5:6-7, NIV)

God cares about you! He cares about your life, your difficulties, your heartaches, and your pains. We are invited to give our cares to God, to humble ourselves before Him, and offer our paths to Him.

If you are in a difficult situation, and your life seems to be changing beyond recognition, you can turn to God and pray the hard prayers. Ask God to step into your situation – whatever it may be. Be open about how you feel.

If you’re confused, tell the Lord.

If you’re angry, tell the Lord.

If you’re scared, tell the Lord.

Welcome God into your life, as messy as it may be, and allow Him to do His work. He cares for you!

My prayer for us all:

Lord Jesus, many of us have experienced or will experience life changes that will put us out of our element. We feel launched into the unknown, uncertain of the path forward. Help us to turn to You in these times. We don’t need distractions. We need You. We need You to step into our lives, sit with us in our pain, and guide us in our confusion. We are casting our cares upon You because we know that You care for us. Please walk with us today and guide us closer to You. In Jesus’ name, we pray, Amen.

On Love

Love.

It’s as necessary to our spirit as breath to our bodies. Yet love is one of the most difficult things to give to another person, and sometimes it can be the hardest thing to receive. Love can feel like alcohol on a wound or a bitter medicine. It hurts, yet it heals.

Of course, I am writing about true love, holy love, pure love. Shakespeare eloquently penned a description of love in Sonnet 116, saying:

“Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.”

Love is not love which ignores. Love is not love which demands sacrifice from others. Love is not love if it speaks with the intention to hurt and cause pain. Love is not love if it harms you physically. Love is not love if it does not give you clear, direct, honest answers.

What is love? Love is placing the needs and desires of another person above your own. Love is being able to look at a person who hurt you and choosing to see instead the hurt inner child in the heart of the abuser. Love might walk away from someone who is perpetually disposed to cause harm, while still praying for that person to find peace. Love never bad-mouths.

Do I have perfect love? I don’t think so. But I’ve seen it.

Ephesians 5 talks a lot about love and turns its focus specifically towards marriage. I’ve read commentaries on Ephesians 5 that have chilled my heart as false theologians tear the words out of the page and fit them into their own twisted doctrine. But Ephesians 5 itself is a love story. It begins, “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Eph. 5:1, NIV)

The writer of Ephesians tells us not to be loose with our bodies or with our words, but rather be holy and give thanks. Don’t get drunk but make music! Give thanks.

Ephesians 5:21 exhorts, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

This is a foreign concept to a civilization that focuses on the rights of the individual. The more I look at biblical love, however, the more I realize that true love submits. The next verse tells wives to submit to their husbands. Verse 24 tells wives to submit to their husbands like the church submits to Christ. These verses are key scriptures that false teachers like to grasp from the healthy biblical context and beat over the heads of women in bad marriages. But that is not correct. Wives submitting in marriage will not necessarily save all marriages. Biblical marriage is not built on one person submitting to the other.

Further in the reading, husbands are addressed. Verse 25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

To the untrained eye, it might seem that wives should submit and husbands should love.

But what is love?

The writer of Ephesians compares the love of a husband to the love of Jesus. How did Jesus give himself up for the church? Hebrews 12:2 describes it like this: “For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” How did Jesus endure the cross? For one thing, he carried his own cross on his way to be executed upon it. (See John 19:17)

So why would I say that false teachers focus on wives submitting to their husbands to save unhealthy marriages? If our sole focus in saving marriage is creating a power dynamic that hinges upon the submission of wives to the leadership of their husbands, then we are essentially taking the cross of the marriage from the husband and placing it disproportionately on his wife’s back.

Wives, submit to your husbands. Husbands, lay down your lives for your wives. What exactly is laying down your life for another? Submission.

Wait! What? How can two people submit to each other? I can hear the rebuttals coming.

The writer of Ephesians seems rather nonchalant as he concludes the topic. Ephesians 5 ends with the following words:

“ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Eph. 5:31-33, NIV, emphasis added)

Love is a mystery, and the love between a husband and wife is described as a profound mystery.

Proverbs 30:18-19 says:

“There are three things that are too amazing for me,
    four that I do not understand:
 the way of an eagle in the sky,
    the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
    and the way of a man with a young woman.” (Emphasis added)

I do not pretend to understand the mystery of marital love, but I hope to understand the essence of love. Paul wrote to the church at Corinth:

^“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV)

Creating hierarchies will never heal an unhealthy marriage, but love will. Insisting on one-sided submission in a relationship only enables narcissism. How about we all decide to fall in love instead?

One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?

Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself: All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22:35-39, NIV

Just love.

About Jesus

The truth is that there is only one thing I really think worthy of discussion. This is the topic that I wish was headlining every article being shared on my social media newsfeeds. This subject matter is life-saving.

Let me tell you who Jesus is.

What can I tell you about Jesus?

I can tell you He is the only light I’ve seen in times of profound darkness. His voice whispers calmly to me when the world roars. I’ve felt his arms wrap around me when I’ve stood all alone.

When a flood came, God was my strength as I hoisted waterlogged furniture to the roadside. He provided food and shelter for us. What is more is that all we lost was beautifully replaced.

When the doctors voiced concerns about my sister’s ability to have children, God made a way for her to bring a beautiful baby girl into the world. You can read her story here.

When my family tried to prepare me for what they thought would be my best friend’s inevitable death, He was my quiet assurance that she would survive the ravages of the fire. Survive she did. You can see her story here.

What does that mean for you?

It means that your problem is not too big for God. It means that the miracle you need just might be on its way! Your prayers are being heard.

It means that God is STILL faithful. He is STILL a provider. He is STILL the Prince of Peace. He is STILL the Lord of Lords. He is STILL mighty to save. He will STILL deliver you!

Let me tell you who Jesus is! He is the Messiah! He is the soon coming King!

There’s nothing scary about him. He is exalted, yet he walked humbly among men. He is powerful, yet children run after him. He is pure, yet he loves all of us sinners.

Does this God sound different from the God you remember in the Bible?

Read Job’s story for a biblical example of how God can restore what is lost.

Read Sarah’s or Hannah’s stories of barren women becoming mothers.

Did Jesus weep when his friend Martha told him about the death of her brother Lazarus? Yes, but then He raised Lazarus from the dead! (See John 11)

The greatness of Jesus leaves me practically speechless. However, the minister S.M. Lockridge famously said it best:

“He’s the greatest phenomenon that has ever crossed the horizon of this world. He’s God’s Son. He’s the sinner’s Saviour. He’s the centerpiece of civilization. He’s unparalleled. He’s unprecedented. He is the loftiest idea in literature. He’s the highest personality in philosophy. He’s the fundamental doctrine of true theology. He’s the only one qualified to be an all sufficient Saviour.

I wonder if you know Him today?

He supplies strength for the weak. He’s available for the tempted and the tried. He sympathizes and He saves. He strengthens and sustains. He guards and He guides. He heals the sick. He cleansed the lepers. He forgives sinners. He discharges debtors. He delivers the captive. He defends the feeble. He blesses the young. He serves the unfortunate. He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent. And He beautifies the meek.

I wonder if you know Him?

He’s the key to knowledge. He’s the wellspring of wisdom. He’s the doorway of deliverance. He’s the pathway of peace. He’s the roadway of righteousness. He’s the highway of holiness. He’s the gateway of glory.

Do you know Him? Well…

His life is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes. His Word is enough. His grace is sufficient. His reign is righteous. And His yoke is easy. And His burden is light.

I wish I could describe Him to you. Yes…

He’s indescribable! He’s incomprehensible. He’s invincible. He’s irresistible. You can’t get Him out of your mind. You can’t get Him off of your hand. You can’t outlive Him, and you can’t live without Him. Well, the Pharisees couldn’t stand Him, but they found out they couldn’t stop Him. Pilate couldn’t find any fault in Him. Herod couldn’t kill Him. Death couldn’t handle Him, and the grave couldn’t hold Him.

Yeah! That’s my King, that’s my King.”

So why worry about anything? I know Jesus. Do you know him?

In the Garden

There is no perfume so heavenly as a blooming garden on a warm day.

There is a particular garden that always catches my attention when I go out for a ride on my bicycle. I love cycling with the sun and wind in my face, and fire in my muscles! I can hear the birds singing, and I can smell the food that’s being cooked as I pass by houses. There is one house, however, that I love to pass on my rides, because it has one of the most exquisite gardens that I’ve ever seen.

Picture it. A colonial-style home with white columns. There’s a dainty white table and chairs on the lawn. There are oak trees surrounded by spider plants. There are pink and white flowers stretching up from the ground. It’s a picture that you want to breathe in. I usually slow down my pace when I approach this house just to appreciate the beauty of it.

Several weeks ago, a friend and I were walking through my neighborhood, and I purposefully directed our path to go by this house. My friend looked at the house and said, “Wow! You know that’s an old garden. You don’t grow a garden like that overnight.” I smiled, thought about my modest yard, and agreed.

There are a lot of planting/farming/gardening metaphors in the Bible. Throughout history, civilizations were largely agricultural. So, it makes perfect sense that God would use agricultural terminology when speaking to his people. Unfortunately for those of us living in the Western world, we have become more industrial and have lost an understanding of the land. This loss of understanding in physical terms can also affect our understanding in spiritual terms as well.

The psalmist often compared a righteous man to a tree planted by rivers of water. (See Psalm 1, Psalm 52:8, Psalm 92:12-13, Psalm 104:15-17 )

The Song of Solomon uses the garden metaphor to depict a healthy sexual relationship between man and wife. (See Song of Songs 1:16-17 , Song of Songs 2:1-15, Song of Songs 4:11-15; Song of Songs 5:1, Song of Songs 7:7-13)

Matthew 13 is almost wholly comprised of parables about planting and growing to illustrate how we develop faith and apply God’s word to our lives.

The scriptures listed above are just a few of the many scriptures about planting, watering, growing, gleaning, and harvesting that can be found in the Bible. Moses wrote laws about it. David sang Psalms about it. Solomon romanticized it. Jesus applied it practically to our lives.

One day, on yet another bike ride, I was talking to the Lord about my life and was astonished to pass by my favorite house and garden only to see chaos! The owners were outside. Piles of greenery were discarded in heaps. Pots of plants were lined up, fresh from the store and ready to be planted in the ground. The dainty table and chairs were being vigorously re-painted. I felt the Lord speak softly to me: You need to learn more about gardening.

So, I brought a mint plant home after a visit at my parents’ house. I watched as the stress of the move killed most of the leaves. I plucked off the dead leaves, placed the plant in the sun, and watered it. New leaves came in.

Then, I purchased some new plants and began to make a compost for the bottom of my pots. I cut up the stems of an old bouquet and threw them in the pots. I collected dead leaves and put them in the pots. I noticed some dead insects on my porch and decided to throw them into the pots as well. Decaying plants and bugs provide excellent nutrients for the dirt which grows the plants.

Gardening is rather nasty if you think about it.

I started looking at my plant beds, which had been developed prior to my moving into the house. While the plants are prospering, so were the weeds that were sprouting up. I got down on my hands and knees in order to extricate the parasitic undergrowth of weeds. Before I knew it, 2 hours had passed. I was covered in dirt. A trash bag was full of weeds.

Gardening is hard work.

The results of good gardening, however, are beautiful.

One of my favorite verses of the Bible is Song of Songs 4:12, which I want to include here in different versions for context :

“A garden enclosed Is my sister, my spouse, A spring shut up, A fountain sealed.” (KJV)

“Dear lover and friend, you’re a secret garden, a private and pure fountain.” (MSG)

“My darling bride, my private paradise,
fastened to my heart.
A secret spring are you that no one else can have—
my bubbling fountain hidden from public view.
What a perfect partner to me now that I have you.” (TPT)

I love this verse, because I love the imagery of a person as a garden. I love the intimacy of being an “enclosed garden” both physically and spiritually. The relationship between the King and his beloved in Song of Songs is accepted as a template for marriage, much like marriage is biblically understood to be a physical representation of Christ’s relationship with the Church. Just as I reserve my body for my spouse, I reserve my soul for God.

As much as I do love to share parts of my life with people, there are parts of my life that I only feel comfortable sharing with God. The scripture teaches that God discerns the hearts of men (and women, of course). He is the only one who I trust to tend to the garden of my life. When I let God and his word take full effect in my life, I am letting the Master Gardener take control. If I don’t allow God into my life, I won’t be a garden but an overrun wilderness – a desirable place for predators to nest.

Sometimes we pass by someone else’s garden, like I do on my bicycle. We see the blooms and wish that our gardens were as fruitful. For the most part, we do not see the Gardener at work. We don’t see the piles of dirt, the decay, and the rain that worked together for those beautiful plants to grow. So, when we welcome the Lord into our lives, we are surprised when we feel like we’re being buried, when death and heartache are on every side, and storms of life blow over us. We want that lovely, picturesque garden, but we don’t want the tearing, uprooting hand of the Gardener.

Have you felt the Gardener’s hand on your life? Do you feel his painful grasp on the roots of your generational addictions and thought patterns? Those generational sins do not make up your root system – they are the weeds that encircle your roots, and they can be plucked out. Do you sense his touch in the midst of the troubles that have come upon you? Our sufferings are just compost that enriches us where we are planted.

Don’t worry about what the Gardener is doing to you. You can trust that He is working all things for your good. Ultimately, His work is going to ensure that you bloom and flourish!

And there is nothing so beautiful and heavenly as your garden will be if you’ll allow the Gardener to perform his work.

On Dreams and Suffering

Dreams and suffering. We like to think and talk about dreams, for the most part, but suffering is another matter. Suffering is an uncomfortable subject for most of us. Whether we like it or not, we are all faced with suffering at some point in our lives, and we are all given the choice of either letting our suffering drive us to the total denial of our dreams or to deliver us to the entire delight of our God-given destiny.

At my church, I work closely with the youth group. I love those kids and am amazed that I have the privilege to teach them. Often when I look at their bright, hopeful faces, I feel ancient. They seem like soft sandy beaches on a warm Caribbean shore, while I feel like a rocky Mediterranean beach with chilly blue waves crashing against my coast. They have dreams that have not been touched by suffering. My dreams don’t resemble their dreams.

Why do I feel this way? I can’t say that I have suffered greatly. My trauma, by comparison to many, has been minimal. But I have witnessed the suffering of close friends and family that has totally changed my perspective on what it is to live life fully and to love unconditionally. The suffering I’ve witnessed has altered my expectations and my dreams.

When I hear young people talk about the type of homes they want, I think about my friends and family who have lost homes in floods or fire. When girls talk dreamily about the number of kids they want to have, I remember the funerals of children I’ve attended. Recently, I heard a young man describe the type of son he wanted to have, and I wondered how he would react to a child who was developmentally challenged.

There is no harm in dreaming. I have dreams, too, of exotic vacations, a beautiful house, and a loving husband. When I was a kid, I once cut out pictures from magazines and pieced together a blueprint for my dream home. I remember my mother looking wistfully at my patchwork house and saying, “I hope you get the house of your dreams.”

These days, I don’t snip out pictures from magazines anymore; I use Pinterest, instead. Several years ago, I, like many girls, created a Pinterest board, where I pinned lovely white dresses and delectable cakes. I still have that board, but it’s changed. As time passed, I started pinning more quotes about what makes a good marriage, because I’ve started to dream less about the marriage party and more about the actual marriage relationship.

How did this dream change? I can remember the exact moment. Together, my grandparents were separately battling the physical effects of a stroke and Alzheimer’s Disease. My grandmother, scrambling to keep her thoughts straight, was using her frail frame to leverage my grandfather from one seat to another. I looked at them and felt a new revelation dawn on my mind: This is love. This is what it means to vow “For better, for worse/ In sickness and in health/ Til death do us part”. This is it.

In this past year, again, I’ve been reminded of that moment as I have watched my best friend and her husband recover from an explosion that burned them both. They have the kind of strong love that I witnessed in my grandparents, though their love is still technically so young. My dreams of pretty dresses have faded almost to non-existence. My dream has shifted to a beautiful love instead.

Ultimately, I think suffering is supposed to change us for the better. It’s painful to view suffering in a positive light when we are in the midst of it. If we must encounter trouble, however, we should learn to look for the ways it will benefit us.

Suffering is a master teacher. Suffering tells us what is really important in life. What’s more important, the house or the family? What is more important, my appearance or my ability?

Suffering tells you the content of a person’s character. When you hit a rut in the road, and your cup of coffee spills, you feel frustration but not surprise. Coffee came out of the cup, because coffee was in the cup. Similarly, when suffering occurs, the true character of a person is revealed.

Perhaps most importantly, suffering teaches us to appreciate the mundane moments that bring relief. Have you ever enjoyed a really good cup of coffee while waiting in the hospital? Or sung a hymn with someone preparing to go to the Lord? Have you ever tilted your head toward the sun and listened to the birds sing after crying your eyes out? I’ve learned to look for those moments in times of hardship.

A lot of people of faith do not like to acknowledge suffering. I’ve heard people ardently declare that suffering is not in God’s will for his people. I do not believe that torment is for the people of God, but I do believe that suffering is something we will all encounter from time to time. Jesus suffered.

Isaiah prophesied that the coming Messiah would be a “man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.” (Isa. 53:3)

I love the wording of the Passion Translation of Hebrews 2:18 : “He [Jesus] suffered and endured every test and temptation, so that he can help us every time we pass through the ordeals of life.”

Jesus said, “And everything I’ve taught you is so that the peace which is in me will be in you and will give you great confidence as you rest in me. For in this unbelieving world you will experience trouble and sorrows, but you must be courageous, for I have conquered the world!” (John 16:33, TPT)

So, do we despair that suffering is inevitable? No, not by any means! We delight in knowing that while suffering is inevitable, God is ever faithful! We remind ourselves that our pain is not prophecy; our pain simply resets our focus on our purpose and passion. Look at the opening verses of Romans 5:

“1 Our faith in Jesus transfers God’s righteousness to us and he now declares us flawless in his eyes. This means we can now enjoy true and lasting peace with God, all because of what our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One, has done for us. 2 Our faith guarantees us permanent access into this marvelous kindness that has given us a perfect relationship with God. What incredible joy bursts forth within us as we keep on celebrating our hope of experiencing God’s glory!
3 But that’s not all! Even in times of trouble we have a joyful confidence, knowing that our pressures will develop in us patient endurance. 4 And patient endurance will refine our character, and proven character leads us back to hope. 5 And this hope is not a disappointing fantasy, because we can now experience the endless love of God cascading into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who lives in us!“

This is our hope! This is our assurance! If you are dreaming, keep dreaming! If you are suffering, keep holding on to hope in Jesus! His compassion does not fail. There is nothing too hard for Him. He loves you with an everlasting love. Let’s trust God with our dreams and with our suffering. Maybe it’s time for our dreams to be re-drafted, even if they must be stenciled with suffering.

On Lust vs Modesty

It is often said that the church is a hospital for the broken, and that is true. There are miraculous stories of healing in both hospitals and churches. There are also inglorious stories of hospital patients, under the influence of drugs, lashing out at their caretakers, throwing punches at nurses. In many ways, those who work in the church can receive the same sort of treatment from those who come into the church and are still under the influence of darkness. While it is not physical blows which typically hurt those in ministry, there are emotional blows that create deep, long-lasting scars on the hearts of those in ministry.

Previously, I have written about being a pastor’s kid and the night my father resigned from being pastor. However, I have never written about one of the greatest challenges that my sister and I faced as the daughters of a pastor. Even now, it is difficult to find the words to describe that challenge.

Here are the facts:

• We were taught principles of modesty:
  • That our bodies are the temples of God. (1 Corinthians 6:19)
  • That God ordained clothing for our covering. (Genesis 3:21)
  • That we were not to create a stumbling block for our brothers in Christ. (2 Corinthians 6:3)
  • That we should not be flashy. (1 Peter 3:3-4)
• We tried our best to dress modestly.
• If our parents felt that our clothing choices were not appropriate, they would tell us to change clothes.
• Despite all of our collective effort, as a family, to present ourselves in a modest fashion,  a few adult men still studied, critiqued, and complained about the appearance of my sister and I.

Those facts are the bare minimum of what occurred in my early youth. Anonymous letters which condemned our apparel were sent to the church. One man complained multiple times to my father and my grandfather about our way of dress. To my great relief, the men in our family always defended and protected us, as good men do.

My experience begs the question: What makes an adult male go to such great lengths to attack two young girls? I was freshly 16 when my dad resigned. For years, I had born the scrutiny of my appearance. My heart aches for the 13 year-old girl I once was  who was being criticized openly for being “immodest”. My heart aches even more for the children in this world who are exposed to much harsher scrutiny and severely abused.

Unfortunately, the church can still be influenced by the outer voices of the world at large. Even the secular world asks victims of rape: “What were you wearing?” However, the most important question that we should ask both rapists as well as the adult men of the church who physically study young girls (or even young boys) is: “What were you THINKING?”

After being told – by a woman nonetheless – that my “chest was too obvious” in a tunic I was wearing and that “men were complaining”, I bemoaned to my father : “What am I supposed to do? What can I wear?” He replied calmly, “Baby, you could wear a potato sack, and men would still notice.” My father’s lesson to me was: You cannot control what other people think.

Jesus never once commented on the modesty of a woman, but he had a lot to say about the thoughts of men.

Jesus told his followers,

^“27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’^[a] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.²⁹ If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. ³⁰ And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”

(Matthew 5: 27-30, NIV)

*The same principle applies to women who look lustfully at men who are not their husbands.

Christian circles have had continuous dialogue on the subjects of lust and modesty, often with the solution being for women to cover up more. However, I know so many young women who dress with the intention of preserving their dignity and glorifying God, yet they are still demonized by lustful men. It is the duty of every Christian to question his or her motive first before casting blame, like Adam and Eve, on the person next to you.

As a woman, I ask myself, “What is my motive in dressing the way I dress?” If my motive is to entice, seduce, and distract men, then I need to change my behavior. Intentionally dressing to attract men to my body is not attracting men to Christ.

A man must ask himself, “Is that woman trying to entice me or am I focusing on her body more than I should?” If that woman is wearing a tunic, I promise you, she is not trying to make her chest obvious to you. If you are focusing on her breasts, the solution is not for her to cut them off – it’s for you to cut your line of vision!

Change your line of vision and reset your focus on Jesus. Or gouge out your eyes and throw them out. Whatever works. Although, I really hope it doesn’t resort to the whole gouging business! That’s just gross.

The church is a hospital, but it is not a place for the sick to stay sick. A place where people stay sick is a hospice. The church, like the hospital, is a place for the broken to be healed! I pray that the church can be a place for those with lust and sex addictions to find total healing and deliverance. I also pray that the church will be a place for the ones mistreated, falsely accused, and abused to find restoration and healing.

Scars cover my heart in multiple places, but I do not view them negatively. On the contrary, scars are a good sign. Scars signify that my open wounds have closed. Scars are signs of my healing. To the men and the women who read this blog, regardless of your struggle, I want to say simply: Let Jesus heal your wounds, and try to appreciate, rather than tear down, those ministers of the gospel who seek to aid you in your healing.

 

 

On Solitude

Strips of white gauze were wound tightly around my best friend’s body to bind her burned skin together and prevent infection. I stood by her side with her family, while she lay in a medicated coma, and wept. For several months following that moment, I experienced a daily, dull ache as I went through the motions of my routine (eating, sleeping, working, going to church, etc.) with the knowledge that my best friend was enduring unimaginable agony, alone.

The helplessness and acute awareness I felt for her suffering created a type of loneliness in my own life unlike any I’d ever previously experienced. I felt disconnected from my peers at work and my friends at church. I’d go through the motions at church, go out to eat, try to laugh. Then, I’d go home and cry. In a way, I suppose, I shared in her solitude. While she lay in an ICU bed nearly 200 miles away from me, I often sat alone in silence in my home and waited with her for her healing.

There are so many different facets of loneliness. None are exactly alike, and they cannot be measured against one another. You can feel alone in a crowd, and you can feel alone in total solitude. You can feel misunderstood. You can feel trapped. You can feel like no one cares. You can be isolated.

Is the loneliness felt by the victim of abuse better or worse than the loneliness felt by the ICU patient? Is the loneliness felt by the spouse in a broken marriage more or less valid than the loneliness felt by the single individual? What about the young mother who feels that she’s losing her mind or the person experiencing the onset of dementia? Who is to say?

What I have come to learn is the common denominator for loneliness across the spectrum is this: Solitude can be the catalyst for consecration and anointing if we invite God into our loneliness.

Let’s look at just a few biblical examples of solitude:

• Noah and his family were isolated in the ark for 40 days of rain and 150 days of flood waters resting on the earth. (See Genesis 7) But then came the rainbow and new beginnings. (Genesis 9:13)
• Before God met with Moses in the burning bush, Moses had to leave the courts of Pharaoh and live in the wilderness of Midian, where he tended the sheep of his father in law. (Exodus 2–4) But he learned, in silence, to pay attention to his surroundings, to listen to the voice of God, and to care for those under his guidance. These lessons would be invaluable as he led the Hebrews out of Egypt and to the Promised Land.
• David tended his father’s sheep before being anointed king over Israel. He continued to tend sheep after his anointing. (1 Samuel 16 –17) But he learned the skills he needed to defeat Goliath and lead the kingdom which God had given him.
• Elijah felt like he was the last God-fearing person alive, as he fled from those who would kill him. Yet God spoke to Elijah in a still, small voice, in spite of a raging storm, and informed the prophet that there were still 7,000 followers of God who Elijah didn’t even know. (1 Kings 19)
• Esther, a Jew in captivity, was literally plucked from her people to be the wife of the King of Persia. When she learned that her people were to be annihilated, she fasted for 3 days, the only Jew in the Persian palace, before ultimately pleading before the king for the lives of her nation and saving the Hebrew people. (See the Book of Esther)
• Jesus, alone, fasted 40 days in the wilderness and was tempted. Overcoming his hunger and temptation, his ministry was ignited, and he began preaching to the masses. (Matthew 4) That ministry is still affecting us, over 2,000 years later!

In our times of loneliness, it is good to remember that we are not the first nor the last to experience spells of deep solitude. More importantly, we must recognize that God often calls us into seasons of solitude as a type of Sabbath.

The sabbath, in Judaic law, required that no work be done on the seventh day of the week. Today, practicing Jews still adhere to this principle. They carefully avoid anything that might be perceived as work: cooking, cleaning, gardening, or even pressing an elevator button! (See Exodus 20:10, Leviticus 23:3, and Deuteronomy 5:14 for reference.)

The Bible plainly states that God desires communion with us in the quiet times as much as- if not more than- in the assembly of believers. When Jesus taught his followers to pray, he gave them the following instruction:

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” (Matthew 6:6, NIV, italics added for emphasis)

Your secret moments draw the attention of the almighty God more than your public life does. He desires to share our solitude with us, just as I desired to share the solitude of my best friend. In fact, God wants that most of all – to be our friend. To rejoice with us in the good times and to be a shelter for us in the hard times! God wants to help us in our helpless estate.

The Lord draws us to himself in our times of solitude. He desires to bond with us. He reaches out to touch us, even when we feel untouchable. The touch of God – it’s not selfish. His touch isn’t human; it isn’t self-gratifying.

The touch of God brings healing. His touch is reassuring. His touch brings calmness to our storms. His touch restores the joy and the faith that we have lost. There is no human touch that can adequately compare to the touch of God!

Why? Why does God draw us into seasons of solitude? Why can’t God just bring us joy and peace in the good times, when life is full of the hubbub of appointments and activities? Why does God appoint seasons in our lives that seem to serve as an interminable sabbath, where our routine is suspended and we wait in silence?

Never forget that our God is the author and finisher of our faith! (Hebrews 12:2) Your season of solitude is just a chapter break in the story of your life. You may feel like your life is suspended on a cliffhanger, because you can’t see the next chapter that God is writing!

Why solitude? The Lord told Isaiah that there are treasures to be found in solitude. He showed Isaiah that he has plans for healing which require a season of darkness. These are his words to the prophet, which still apply to us today:

^“I will go before thee, and make the crooked places straight: I will break in pieces the gates of brass, and cut in sunder the bars of iron: And I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou mayest know that I, the Lord, which call thee by thy name, am the God of Israel.” (Isaiah 45: 2-3, KJV, emphasis added)

My best friend is no longer bound to a bed in the ICU of a burn unit. That season has come to pass, and we find ourselves in a new season of life. New facets of solitude and loneliness reveal themselves. Nevertheless, I am determined to wait on the Lord, welcome him into my loneliness, and walk through the path that God has laid before me. When the light seems dim, I will seek the treasures of darkness and the hidden riches of secret places.

In Search of Peace

“Youth is wasted on the young,” say the not-so-young. This is a phrase that is only beginning to make sense to me now, as I venture into my late twenties. By many standards, I am still a young person; however, I have learned something in my twenties that I did not grasp in my teenage years. I have learned more about resiliency and finding peace.

As a teenager, I was crippled with anxiety and depression much of the time. “Mental health” was not a catchphrase, and my parents encouraged me to “pray through it.” Many Christians today might criticize my upbringing. Society would say that I needed rest days, therapy, pills, and an app for 24-hour counseling.

Another lesson I’ve learned in my twenties: Everyone is a critic and has a right to their own opinions, but their opinions do not have a right to rule my life.

As a follower of Christ, I still believe that the answer to every situation, every fear, and every anxiety is Jesus.

Now, there is biblical precedent for godly counsel.

Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

It’s good to seek advice when you need direction. Through my college years, I counseled with my pastor, my Sunday school teacher, and the counselors at my school. When I’ve been confused or downhearted, it’s been good for me to talk out my feelings with my family, my close friends, and my pastor. When I get married, I intend to have premarital counseling alongside my husband-to-be. Counseling with an expert has its place when seeking direction for your life.

Nevertheless, there comes a time when only Jesus can provide the counsel we need. While I do believe that diet and exercise greatly affect the chemicals in our bodies, and while I understand that our feelings can actually be the result of a chemical imbalance that can be fixed by medication (or diet and exercise), I still believe that “just a little talk with Jesus makes it right” when dealing with the profound issues of the heart.

The Psalmist says, “⁷ I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.⁸ I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” (Psalms 16:7-8, NIV)

The Psalmist was saying, “If I keep praise in my heart, and if I focus on God, I won’t be shaken. I won’t be overcome. Nothing will affect my core.” That’s a powerful statement.

Recently, I articulated my thoughts and feelings to God in prayer, examining myself as rationally as I could. While I did this, a question popped into my mind : “Why are you so worried about this? Don’t you know I’ve got this under control?”

This wasn’t Von de Leigh speaking to Von de Leigh. No person has their life “under control”- I sure don’t! This felt like a word from the Lord. Instantly, peace saturated my soul, and I turned off the lights and went to bed.

Instant peace. Doesn’t that sound delightful?

Maybe, as you read this, you are thinking, “This is epic Disney, castle-in-the-sky, fairy-tale delusion. She’s probably going to say unicorns are real next.”

I’ve been torn apart sentence by sentence in academia, and I spent a year and a half working on an industrial construction site. There is no amount of criticism that I haven’t already seen written in red or heard spewed at my face, and I get it.  Contentment disturbs the discontented. My intention in writing this is not to judge your life but simply to ask: Have you tried talking to Jesus?

It’s so easy to ignore Jesus, because he rarely demands our attention. It’s so easy to take a sleeping pill when we can’t sleep and to rely on caffeine when we can’t stay awake. It’s so easy to embrace our grief, despair, and anxiety as our default state of being. It is healthy to experience and acknowledge negative emotions, like grief. Grief is a normal response to an unfortunate event; however, it’s dangerous for our well-being when any negative emotion drives us.

Much of classic literature examines what happens when negative emotions drive people. Edmond Dantès was driven by revenge in The Count of Monte Cristo. Pride & Prejudice were such a central theme in her novel that Jane Austen decided to call it just that, Pride & Prejudice. In both of these books, the main characters come to moments of self-realization, when they realize that they allowed their negative emotions to rule their lives and take them down roads they did not want to go. My final thesis for my French senior seminar was based on Madame Bovary, who literally poisons herself after her boredom and lust have driven her to a life of materialism, debauchery, abandonment,  and debt.

Allowing a negative emotion to take control of your life is letting your life go in a direction that it was never intended to travel. If you’re already down that road, don’t unpack and live there. Take control of your vehicle (your heart) and retrace your steps until you are pointing toward the right direction. It’s one thing to acknowledge a negative emotion exists. It’s another thing to surrender to the negative emotion and say, “This is who I am.”

You are not your grief. You are not depression. You are not anxiety. You are not fear.

If Jesus can call Lazarus up from the grave, he can call you out of your depression! (See John 11) If Jesus could calm the waves on the sea with “Peace, be still,” then he can shut up the torments of your anxiety! (See Mark 4)

I know he can do it for you, because he did it for me.

That is not to say that the battle is finished. There are moments when fear or grief amplify themselves in my thoughts. In those times, I’ve learned to listen for the still, small voice that swells above the storm and says, “What are you doing here? Why are you worried? Peace, be still.” ( See 1 Kings 19)

One of my favorite Bible verses is Isaiah 9:6, which says :

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

Isaiah prophesied of the child who would be born, whose government would be on his shoulders. I think of Jesus, who was forced to carry his own cross to his crucifixion.  He is my wonderful Counselor when no one else can direct my path. He is a mighty God. He is my everlasting Father. He is my Prince of Peace!

Have you tried talking to Jesus?

He is waiting for you, and his words still resound through the ages:

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  – Jesus (Matthew 11: 28-30, NIV)

Grace in Service

During my senior year at university, I reached a state of complete and total physical exhaustion, so much so that, while in a meeting with my linguistics professor, a kind Russian-born lady who spoke an intricate, complex array of languages with a lovely accent, looked at me with sincerity and said, “Von de Leigh, do you drink coffee? You look like you could use a cup of coffee.” Then, she proceeded to pour me a cup of hot, strong, black coffee, which I drank gratefully.

Later that same week, a French professor sent me an e-mail, asking how I was feeling, because I had seemed subdued in class. I was sleepless, constantly hungry. I fell asleep, fully clothed with textbooks and notebooks still on my bed multiple occasions.

Walking into my home one evening after classes during this stressful time, my mother told me: “Sit down.” I remember falling onto the couch. The next thing I knew, my mother was on her knees. She removed my shoes. With lotion and essential oils in her hand, she began massaging my feet.

These three acts of kindness by three different people ministered to me in a powerful way in the autumn of 2014. There are many things about my university experience that I have, unfortunately, lost in the waves of subconscious memory. Those three moments, however, stand apart as a time when my own mother and teachers- my superiors in every sense- served me.

I did nothing to merit this service. Service was not asked of them. They gave their service freely. They were not given anything in return but my most humble gratitude. What is more, they did not expect anything specific in return. They allowed me to exist in my humanity, and they blessed me without any obligation.

That is grace. That is selfless service. By biblical definition, that is leadership.

This is service on the scale of Christ-like proportion. John 13 is a chapter about the love of God, His grace, His service toward us, and his expectations for us. It begins on a promising note.

“Now before the feast of the passover, when Jesus knew that his hour was come that he should depart out of this world unto the Father, having loved his own which were in the world, he loved them unto the end.” (John 13:1)

This verse strikes me, because of its abundance of love. Jesus loved his friends with a gentle fierceness that we see exemplified repeatedly throughout the gospels. He loved to talk with them, to eat with them, and to pray with them in gardens. When the crowds became too overwhelming, Jesus and His disciples would retreat into a quiet place to recharge physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Jesus is the most peaceful teacher of love that this world has ever seen.

Jesus talked a lot about love, like many teachers and philosophers. What sets Jesus apart from those other teachers, however, aside from His deity, are the actions He made out of that  professed love. John 13 continues in verse 4, saying that after the Passover feast:

“He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself.
After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded.” (John 13: 3, 4)

Jesus washed feet. Do you realize what that means? Jesus removed the shoes of his disciples, who had been traveling to Jerusalem all day, in a time when indoor plumbing meant you had a servant who stood indoors and poured your waste outdoors, into the street. This was a time when all vehicles leaked, so to speak, a time when many roads were paved by the continual stamping of mud and excrement by the traffic of people and animals.

Although the Bible does not give a lot of detail about the state of the disciples’ tarsal region, we can judge by Peter’s response that it’s not too crazy to believe they were in an unappealing state.

“Peter saith unto him, Thou shalt never wash my feet.” (John 13:8)

Peter knew, without a doubt, as he had claimed previously, that Jesus was the Christ, the Messiah, Emmanuel, God with us. (John 6:69) He knew that the physical incarnate of God Almighty, the LORD, was preparing to touch his feet. Like Isaiah, Peter knew that if his righteousness was only filthy rags compared to the glory of the LORD, then, his feet must surely be, truly, beneath the Shekinah. (Isaiah 64:6)

Yet Jesus removed the sandals of His disciples and took their feet, caked with dust from the road, and washed them. I don’t think it was a splash or sprinkling of water. I don’t think Jesus patted their feet with gloved hands. I think Jesus scrubbed them with vigor, massaged the aches away. Who knows? He may have anointed them with sweet-smelling oil to freshen them.

Jesus reprimanded Peter: “If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me.” (John 13:8)

Here, we can almost see Peter’s face whiten with holy fear and reverence. He pleads with the LORD:

“Simon Peter saith unto him, Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head.” (John 13:9)

Wash all of me. Do what You must so I can have communion with You.

Later, of course, Peter would receive a baptism of water and of Spirit- as he would preach to the crowds gathered outside the Upper Room in Acts 2 are necessary to salvation. At this moment, however, Peter was learning a lesson about grace, submission, and servitude.

John 13 goes on to say:

“ 12 So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you?
13 Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am.
14 If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet.
15 For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.
16 Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him.”

The washing of the feet is not to be confused with baptism by immersion nor with Communion. Those are three separate things.

Footwashing, as the old-timers call it, is a sacred tradition in its own right that began with Jesus Christ. There are three specific things that Jesus gave physical examples of, which he instructed we should also do to have part with him: be baptized (Matthew 3), partake of unleavened bread and wine to commemorate His sacrifice on the Cross, and wash each other’s feet (John 13).

The first symbolizes the washing away of our sins and our commitment to follow Christ, the second, our communion with Christ and His followers- continued commitment, if you will-, the third represents the call of love that Jesus exemplified, that is, to humble ourselves and have a love for our neighbors that exceeds our selfish love for ourselves.

When I was a child, my church reserved New Year’s Eve for the time when we had Communion, followed by Footwashing, and ending with a “Soup Social”. It was the kind of service that was marked with reverential silence, holy wonder, awed thanksgiving, and anointed prayer. After we had repented of our sins, remembered the Cross, and humbled ourselves before our sisters and brothers by washing their feet and interceding in prayer over their lives and needs, we went into the “Fellowship Hall” where tureens of soup awaited our joyous consummation. This was how each year of my life began until I was 15 years old.

Today, 7 years later, my heart aches for this. I am saddened that so many Christians have turned away from this practice for reasons as silly as “I can’t stand feet!” I doubt Jesus loved cleaning crummy feet. Personally, I cannot say that I absolutely love touching feet, but I do love the lessons that Footwashing teaches me.

Footwashing reminds me that just as Jesus reached for the filthy feet of his outdoorsy, fishermen disciples, He still reaches for me despite the filthy sin that might creep into my heart. He looks at me in my fears, doubts, and brokenness, and He says, “There is nothing in you that I cannot touch. I will still choose you and love you through every trial and heartache. I am Unchanging, and I will not be out-done by any obstacle in your path.”

If God Almighty can say that to me, how dare I think that I am above touching the feet of a fellow human being? Most assuredly, I am not greater than my LORD. So, who am I to not do as He did himself and as He bids me to do? Who am I to not obey Him?

What is beautiful about Jesus is that He is a God of recompense. Give, and it shall be given. Seek, and ye shall find. Do, and it shall be done unto you. (Matthew 5)

So, what does He promise those of us who follow His teachings to the full?

“If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them.” (John 13:17)

Not only will you experience happiness, but you have no idea the impact you will have on the person whom you should bless with this practice. I’ve heard stories of healings happening after people submitted to Footwashing. I’ve seen faces shine with the Holy Spirit as they participated in Footwashing.

I hope Footwashing is not a “heaven or hell issue”, as so many Christians neglect it. I do believe, however, that Footwashing is of utmost importance to keep unity, peace, and prosperity in a church congregation.

Though it was not with water, I look at my mother’s act of service as a mimicry of Christ at Passover. She gave me life. I owe my existence to hers. I have done nothing to merit her attention. If anything, she deserves my lifelong dedication to her needs.

Yet, she looked at me, in my fatigue. She saw my tired eyes and blue-veined feet, which had traipsed all over campus in the August heat, up and down the four flights of stairs to the French department. She paid for the books in my sack, the gasoline in my car, and the food in my stomach. What more need she give?

It was a godly mother’s love that prompted her to take my throbbing feet into her hands and ease away the day’s toil. She put my comfort above her own. Jesus said this kind of servitude would make one happy. I must say, it made me happy as well.

This kind of service places value above the self and moves it to the other. In this way, service is a double blessing. By serving others, you are literally following in the footsteps of Christ. There is unparalleled blessing in that. Serving others is  in every way the highest form of honor, love, and grace personified.