On Dreams and Suffering

Dreams and suffering. We like to think and talk about dreams, for the most part, but suffering is another matter. Suffering is an uncomfortable subject for most of us. Whether we like it or not, we are all faced with suffering at some point in our lives, and we are all given the choice of either letting our suffering drive us to the total denial of our dreams or to deliver us to the entire delight of our God-given destiny.

At my church, I work closely with the youth group. I love those kids and am amazed that I have the privilege to teach them. Often when I look at their bright, hopeful faces, I feel ancient. They seem like soft sandy beaches on a warm Caribbean shore, while I feel like a rocky Mediterranean beach with chilly blue waves crashing against my coast. They have dreams that have not been touched by suffering. My dreams don’t resemble their dreams.

Why do I feel this way? I can’t say that I have suffered greatly. My trauma, by comparison to many, has been minimal. But I have witnessed the suffering of close friends and family that has totally changed my perspective on what it is to live life fully and to love unconditionally. The suffering I’ve witnessed has altered my expectations and my dreams.

When I hear young people talk about the type of homes they want, I think about my friends and family who have lost homes in floods or fire. When girls talk dreamily about the number of kids they want to have, I remember the funerals of children I’ve attended. Recently, I heard a young man describe the type of son he wanted to have, and I wondered how he would react to a child who was developmentally challenged.

There is no harm in dreaming. I have dreams, too, of exotic vacations, a beautiful house, and a loving husband. When I was a kid, I once cut out pictures from magazines and pieced together a blueprint for my dream home. I remember my mother looking wistfully at my patchwork house and saying, “I hope you get the house of your dreams.”

These days, I don’t snip out pictures from magazines anymore; I use Pinterest, instead. Several years ago, I, like many girls, created a Pinterest board, where I pinned lovely white dresses and delectable cakes. I still have that board, but it’s changed. As time passed, I started pinning more quotes about what makes a good marriage, because I’ve started to dream less about the marriage party and more about the actual marriage relationship.

How did this dream change? I can remember the exact moment. Together, my grandparents were separately battling the physical effects of a stroke and Alzheimer’s Disease. My grandmother, scrambling to keep her thoughts straight, was using her frail frame to leverage my grandfather from one seat to another. I looked at them and felt a new revelation dawn on my mind: This is love. This is what it means to vow “For better, for worse/ In sickness and in health/ Til death do us part”. This is it.

In this past year, again, I’ve been reminded of that moment as I have watched my best friend and her husband recover from an explosion that burned them both. They have the kind of strong love that I witnessed in my grandparents, though their love is still technically so young. My dreams of pretty dresses have faded almost to non-existence. My dream has shifted to a beautiful love instead.

Ultimately, I think suffering is supposed to change us for the better. It’s painful to view suffering in a positive light when we are in the midst of it. If we must encounter trouble, however, we should learn to look for the ways it will benefit us.

Suffering is a master teacher. Suffering tells us what is really important in life. What’s more important, the house or the family? What is more important, my appearance or my ability?

Suffering tells you the content of a person’s character. When you hit a rut in the road, and your cup of coffee spills, you feel frustration but not surprise. Coffee came out of the cup, because coffee was in the cup. Similarly, when suffering occurs, the true character of a person is revealed.

Perhaps most importantly, suffering teaches us to appreciate the mundane moments that bring relief. Have you ever enjoyed a really good cup of coffee while waiting in the hospital? Or sung a hymn with someone preparing to go to the Lord? Have you ever tilted your head toward the sun and listened to the birds sing after crying your eyes out? I’ve learned to look for those moments in times of hardship.

A lot of people of faith do not like to acknowledge suffering. I’ve heard people ardently declare that suffering is not in God’s will for his people. I do not believe that torment is for the people of God, but I do believe that suffering is something we will all encounter from time to time. Jesus suffered.

Isaiah prophesied that the coming Messiah would be a “man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.” (Isa. 53:3)

I love the wording of the Passion Translation of Hebrews 2:18 : “He [Jesus] suffered and endured every test and temptation, so that he can help us every time we pass through the ordeals of life.”

Jesus said, “And everything I’ve taught you is so that the peace which is in me will be in you and will give you great confidence as you rest in me. For in this unbelieving world you will experience trouble and sorrows, but you must be courageous, for I have conquered the world!” (John 16:33, TPT)

So, do we despair that suffering is inevitable? No, not by any means! We delight in knowing that while suffering is inevitable, God is ever faithful! We remind ourselves that our pain is not prophecy; our pain simply resets our focus on our purpose and passion. Look at the opening verses of Romans 5:

“1 Our faith in Jesus transfers God’s righteousness to us and he now declares us flawless in his eyes. This means we can now enjoy true and lasting peace with God, all because of what our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One, has done for us. 2 Our faith guarantees us permanent access into this marvelous kindness that has given us a perfect relationship with God. What incredible joy bursts forth within us as we keep on celebrating our hope of experiencing God’s glory!
3 But that’s not all! Even in times of trouble we have a joyful confidence, knowing that our pressures will develop in us patient endurance. 4 And patient endurance will refine our character, and proven character leads us back to hope. 5 And this hope is not a disappointing fantasy, because we can now experience the endless love of God cascading into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who lives in us!“

This is our hope! This is our assurance! If you are dreaming, keep dreaming! If you are suffering, keep holding on to hope in Jesus! His compassion does not fail. There is nothing too hard for Him. He loves you with an everlasting love. Let’s trust God with our dreams and with our suffering. Maybe it’s time for our dreams to be re-drafted, even if they must be stenciled with suffering.

Break Through the Culture

“I cannot believe you go to a Spanish church!”

This is a comment I commonly receive, and, sometimes, I cannot believe it either! Honestly, I live in constant amazement of where God has brought me during the past two years. Life has not been easy. At times, it has been downright agonizing, but the Lord has been faithful at all times. What is more, He has been bountiful in His blessings.

A year ago, my family was asked to work in Centro de Vida, a church which had been previously a “brain child” of my grandfather and the official “daughter-work” of the Pentecostals of Ascension. The church was in a strange predicament. Whereas the church was produced as a venue for Spanish-speaking people, the children of the church’s members were and are more comfortable in English! So, my parents were asked to begin teaching the youth in English.

We had been attending Centro de Vida for little over a month when my grandfather, Elton Bernard, had a nearly-fatal stroke. You can imagine the tumult into which we fell! There we were, members of a Hispanic church, struggling to find a new balance in our lives. For three months, we lived between hospital and home, barely coming out for air.

Prayers in the Hospital

In retrospect, I see where God has been tearing me down so that He can re-build me. My role as the pretty, little preacher’s kid has been completely leveled to the ground. Often, I like to reference my past post, “Learning to Live with Jesus”, mainly because, that was the first phase of the demolition of my concept of myself. In no way am I intimating that I think God is finished with me! I am simply saying that I see what a work-in-progress I have become. “Under Construction” is probably stamped on my soul!

A recurring question of mine this past year has been, “What am I supposed to do in a Spanish church?”. I speak a little Spanish but not enough to really be of any use. Interpreting would be a laugh! Except for the occasional requests by my grandfather, I do not sing in the services. I do not even know how to play any instruments. My brief work in computer projection was not satisfactory, and all of the Sunday school classes are already being taught. What am I to do?

You may think this is funny. Maybe this does not even seem like a problem to you. For the pretty, little pastor’s kid in me, however, not doing anything in the church has been quite disturbing!

I have been pouting for months over countless cups of coffee with my best friend Medley, whose father is the pastor of the Pentecostals of Ascension. (Don’t worry! You read that correctly. I became “besties” with the girl who replaced me as the pretty, little pastor’s kid! Funny world, huh?) Poor Medley has had to nod her head in sympathy while I talked of feeling useless, and I have had to shake my head in compassion whenever she has talked about all of the stresses of being the busy, pretty, little pastor’s kid! (If you haven’t noticed, I am attempting to be humorous!)

Medley and I

Medley and my mother have recently heard me talk and rant about my reading of the Book of Jeremiah. In the very first chapter, there is a verse that jumps to my attention every time I read it. When God called Jeremiah to be a prophet to Israel, He said, “See, I have this day set thee over the nations and over the kingdoms, to root out, and to pull down, and to destroy, and to throw down, to build, and to plant.” (Jeremiah 1:10)

Most people would probably prefer to ignore this verse. I, on the other hand, love it! Throughout the book, God pleads to His people to repent of their evil ways and return to Him. God always wants to tear down our human traditions so that He may build His way in our hearts.

During these past two years, I have fought and struggled against God unwittingly. All of this time, I have been discontent because I have not been used in church the way I was used as a pastor’s kid. I have cried! I have broken. I have crumbled in confusion as I asked God, “Why, Lord? Why, with all of my training and all of my desire to serve You, am I just sitting on a pew?”

This very week, today, in fact, God has revealed His answer to me. You see, God does not want us to conform to the “church-culture” mold. What I mean is that God does not want us to just busy ourselves with church work in the name of serving Him! It does not really matter if I sing on the platform or if I sit in the sound booth, but it does matter if I submit to God with all of my being! If I am more willing to have a position in the church than I am willing to dance before the Lord, then I am spiritually unhealthy and sick.

By sitting in the pew for perhaps no other reason than the fact that I am not fluent in Spanish, God has shown me that His purpose for me in this chapter of my life is not to be on the platform, nor in the sound booth, nor even in the roz y leche sale. His plan is for me to be on my knees with my nose in His Word. He is showing me the pathway which He wants me to take. Jesus, who sacrificed His humanity for mine, has shattered all of my reserves and preconceived ideas so that He can reconstruct me into the person He wants me to be, so that He can re-direct my path from that of the pretty, little Pentecostal cheerleader to that of the humble servant to others. All that I can do is say like John the Baptist, “He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30)