On Dreams and Suffering

Dreams and suffering. We like to think and talk about dreams, for the most part, but suffering is another matter. Suffering is an uncomfortable subject for most of us. Whether we like it or not, we are all faced with suffering at some point in our lives, and we are all given the choice of either letting our suffering drive us to the total denial of our dreams or to deliver us to the entire delight of our God-given destiny.

At my church, I work closely with the youth group. I love those kids and am amazed that I have the privilege to teach them. Often when I look at their bright, hopeful faces, I feel ancient. They seem like soft sandy beaches on a warm Caribbean shore, while I feel like a rocky Mediterranean beach with chilly blue waves crashing against my coast. They have dreams that have not been touched by suffering. My dreams don’t resemble their dreams.

Why do I feel this way? I can’t say that I have suffered greatly. My trauma, by comparison to many, has been minimal. But I have witnessed the suffering of close friends and family that has totally changed my perspective on what it is to live life fully and to love unconditionally. The suffering I’ve witnessed has altered my expectations and my dreams.

When I hear young people talk about the type of homes they want, I think about my friends and family who have lost homes in floods or fire. When girls talk dreamily about the number of kids they want to have, I remember the funerals of children I’ve attended. Recently, I heard a young man describe the type of son he wanted to have, and I wondered how he would react to a child who was developmentally challenged.

There is no harm in dreaming. I have dreams, too, of exotic vacations, a beautiful house, and a loving husband. When I was a kid, I once cut out pictures from magazines and pieced together a blueprint for my dream home. I remember my mother looking wistfully at my patchwork house and saying, “I hope you get the house of your dreams.”

These days, I don’t snip out pictures from magazines anymore; I use Pinterest, instead. Several years ago, I, like many girls, created a Pinterest board, where I pinned lovely white dresses and delectable cakes. I still have that board, but it’s changed. As time passed, I started pinning more quotes about what makes a good marriage, because I’ve started to dream less about the marriage party and more about the actual marriage relationship.

How did this dream change? I can remember the exact moment. Together, my grandparents were separately battling the physical effects of a stroke and Alzheimer’s Disease. My grandmother, scrambling to keep her thoughts straight, was using her frail frame to leverage my grandfather from one seat to another. I looked at them and felt a new revelation dawn on my mind: This is love. This is what it means to vow “For better, for worse/ In sickness and in health/ Til death do us part”. This is it.

In this past year, again, I’ve been reminded of that moment as I have watched my best friend and her husband recover from an explosion that burned them both. They have the kind of strong love that I witnessed in my grandparents, though their love is still technically so young. My dreams of pretty dresses have faded almost to non-existence. My dream has shifted to a beautiful love instead.

Ultimately, I think suffering is supposed to change us for the better. It’s painful to view suffering in a positive light when we are in the midst of it. If we must encounter trouble, however, we should learn to look for the ways it will benefit us.

Suffering is a master teacher. Suffering tells us what is really important in life. What’s more important, the house or the family? What is more important, my appearance or my ability?

Suffering tells you the content of a person’s character. When you hit a rut in the road, and your cup of coffee spills, you feel frustration but not surprise. Coffee came out of the cup, because coffee was in the cup. Similarly, when suffering occurs, the true character of a person is revealed.

Perhaps most importantly, suffering teaches us to appreciate the mundane moments that bring relief. Have you ever enjoyed a really good cup of coffee while waiting in the hospital? Or sung a hymn with someone preparing to go to the Lord? Have you ever tilted your head toward the sun and listened to the birds sing after crying your eyes out? I’ve learned to look for those moments in times of hardship.

A lot of people of faith do not like to acknowledge suffering. I’ve heard people ardently declare that suffering is not in God’s will for his people. I do not believe that torment is for the people of God, but I do believe that suffering is something we will all encounter from time to time. Jesus suffered.

Isaiah prophesied that the coming Messiah would be a “man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.” (Isa. 53:3)

I love the wording of the Passion Translation of Hebrews 2:18 : “He [Jesus] suffered and endured every test and temptation, so that he can help us every time we pass through the ordeals of life.”

Jesus said, “And everything I’ve taught you is so that the peace which is in me will be in you and will give you great confidence as you rest in me. For in this unbelieving world you will experience trouble and sorrows, but you must be courageous, for I have conquered the world!” (John 16:33, TPT)

So, do we despair that suffering is inevitable? No, not by any means! We delight in knowing that while suffering is inevitable, God is ever faithful! We remind ourselves that our pain is not prophecy; our pain simply resets our focus on our purpose and passion. Look at the opening verses of Romans 5:

“1 Our faith in Jesus transfers God’s righteousness to us and he now declares us flawless in his eyes. This means we can now enjoy true and lasting peace with God, all because of what our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One, has done for us. 2 Our faith guarantees us permanent access into this marvelous kindness that has given us a perfect relationship with God. What incredible joy bursts forth within us as we keep on celebrating our hope of experiencing God’s glory!
3 But that’s not all! Even in times of trouble we have a joyful confidence, knowing that our pressures will develop in us patient endurance. 4 And patient endurance will refine our character, and proven character leads us back to hope. 5 And this hope is not a disappointing fantasy, because we can now experience the endless love of God cascading into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who lives in us!“

This is our hope! This is our assurance! If you are dreaming, keep dreaming! If you are suffering, keep holding on to hope in Jesus! His compassion does not fail. There is nothing too hard for Him. He loves you with an everlasting love. Let’s trust God with our dreams and with our suffering. Maybe it’s time for our dreams to be re-drafted, even if they must be stenciled with suffering.

On Solitude

Strips of white gauze were wound tightly around my best friend’s body to bind her burned skin together and prevent infection. I stood by her side with her family, while she lay in a medicated coma, and wept. For several months following that moment, I experienced a daily, dull ache as I went through the motions of my routine (eating, sleeping, working, going to church, etc.) with the knowledge that my best friend was enduring unimaginable agony, alone.

The helplessness and acute awareness I felt for her suffering created a type of loneliness in my own life unlike any I’d ever previously experienced. I felt disconnected from my peers at work and my friends at church. I’d go through the motions at church, go out to eat, try to laugh. Then, I’d go home and cry. In a way, I suppose, I shared in her solitude. While she lay in an ICU bed nearly 200 miles away from me, I often sat alone in silence in my home and waited with her for her healing.

There are so many different facets of loneliness. None are exactly alike, and they cannot be measured against one another. You can feel alone in a crowd, and you can feel alone in total solitude. You can feel misunderstood. You can feel trapped. You can feel like no one cares. You can be isolated.

Is the loneliness felt by the victim of abuse better or worse than the loneliness felt by the ICU patient? Is the loneliness felt by the spouse in a broken marriage more or less valid than the loneliness felt by the single individual? What about the young mother who feels that she’s losing her mind or the person experiencing the onset of dementia? Who is to say?

What I have come to learn is the common denominator for loneliness across the spectrum is this: Solitude can be the catalyst for consecration and anointing if we invite God into our loneliness.

Let’s look at just a few biblical examples of solitude:

• Noah and his family were isolated in the ark for 40 days of rain and 150 days of flood waters resting on the earth. (See Genesis 7) But then came the rainbow and new beginnings. (Genesis 9:13)
• Before God met with Moses in the burning bush, Moses had to leave the courts of Pharaoh and live in the wilderness of Midian, where he tended the sheep of his father in law. (Exodus 2–4) But he learned, in silence, to pay attention to his surroundings, to listen to the voice of God, and to care for those under his guidance. These lessons would be invaluable as he led the Hebrews out of Egypt and to the Promised Land.
• David tended his father’s sheep before being anointed king over Israel. He continued to tend sheep after his anointing. (1 Samuel 16 –17) But he learned the skills he needed to defeat Goliath and lead the kingdom which God had given him.
• Elijah felt like he was the last God-fearing person alive, as he fled from those who would kill him. Yet God spoke to Elijah in a still, small voice, in spite of a raging storm, and informed the prophet that there were still 7,000 followers of God who Elijah didn’t even know. (1 Kings 19)
• Esther, a Jew in captivity, was literally plucked from her people to be the wife of the King of Persia. When she learned that her people were to be annihilated, she fasted for 3 days, the only Jew in the Persian palace, before ultimately pleading before the king for the lives of her nation and saving the Hebrew people. (See the Book of Esther)
• Jesus, alone, fasted 40 days in the wilderness and was tempted. Overcoming his hunger and temptation, his ministry was ignited, and he began preaching to the masses. (Matthew 4) That ministry is still affecting us, over 2,000 years later!

In our times of loneliness, it is good to remember that we are not the first nor the last to experience spells of deep solitude. More importantly, we must recognize that God often calls us into seasons of solitude as a type of Sabbath.

The sabbath, in Judaic law, required that no work be done on the seventh day of the week. Today, practicing Jews still adhere to this principle. They carefully avoid anything that might be perceived as work: cooking, cleaning, gardening, or even pressing an elevator button! (See Exodus 20:10, Leviticus 23:3, and Deuteronomy 5:14 for reference.)

The Bible plainly states that God desires communion with us in the quiet times as much as- if not more than- in the assembly of believers. When Jesus taught his followers to pray, he gave them the following instruction:

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” (Matthew 6:6, NIV, italics added for emphasis)

Your secret moments draw the attention of the almighty God more than your public life does. He desires to share our solitude with us, just as I desired to share the solitude of my best friend. In fact, God wants that most of all – to be our friend. To rejoice with us in the good times and to be a shelter for us in the hard times! God wants to help us in our helpless estate.

The Lord draws us to himself in our times of solitude. He desires to bond with us. He reaches out to touch us, even when we feel untouchable. The touch of God – it’s not selfish. His touch isn’t human; it isn’t self-gratifying.

The touch of God brings healing. His touch is reassuring. His touch brings calmness to our storms. His touch restores the joy and the faith that we have lost. There is no human touch that can adequately compare to the touch of God!

Why? Why does God draw us into seasons of solitude? Why can’t God just bring us joy and peace in the good times, when life is full of the hubbub of appointments and activities? Why does God appoint seasons in our lives that seem to serve as an interminable sabbath, where our routine is suspended and we wait in silence?

Never forget that our God is the author and finisher of our faith! (Hebrews 12:2) Your season of solitude is just a chapter break in the story of your life. You may feel like your life is suspended on a cliffhanger, because you can’t see the next chapter that God is writing!

Why solitude? The Lord told Isaiah that there are treasures to be found in solitude. He showed Isaiah that he has plans for healing which require a season of darkness. These are his words to the prophet, which still apply to us today:

^“I will go before thee, and make the crooked places straight: I will break in pieces the gates of brass, and cut in sunder the bars of iron: And I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou mayest know that I, the Lord, which call thee by thy name, am the God of Israel.” (Isaiah 45: 2-3, KJV, emphasis added)

My best friend is no longer bound to a bed in the ICU of a burn unit. That season has come to pass, and we find ourselves in a new season of life. New facets of solitude and loneliness reveal themselves. Nevertheless, I am determined to wait on the Lord, welcome him into my loneliness, and walk through the path that God has laid before me. When the light seems dim, I will seek the treasures of darkness and the hidden riches of secret places.