On Dreams and Suffering

Dreams and suffering. We like to think and talk about dreams, for the most part, but suffering is another matter. Suffering is an uncomfortable subject for most of us. Whether we like it or not, we are all faced with suffering at some point in our lives, and we are all given the choice of either letting our suffering drive us to the total denial of our dreams or to deliver us to the entire delight of our God-given destiny.

At my church, I work closely with the youth group. I love those kids and am amazed that I have the privilege to teach them. Often when I look at their bright, hopeful faces, I feel ancient. They seem like soft sandy beaches on a warm Caribbean shore, while I feel like a rocky Mediterranean beach with chilly blue waves crashing against my coast. They have dreams that have not been touched by suffering. My dreams don’t resemble their dreams.

Why do I feel this way? I can’t say that I have suffered greatly. My trauma, by comparison to many, has been minimal. But I have witnessed the suffering of close friends and family that has totally changed my perspective on what it is to live life fully and to love unconditionally. The suffering I’ve witnessed has altered my expectations and my dreams.

When I hear young people talk about the type of homes they want, I think about my friends and family who have lost homes in floods or fire. When girls talk dreamily about the number of kids they want to have, I remember the funerals of children I’ve attended. Recently, I heard a young man describe the type of son he wanted to have, and I wondered how he would react to a child who was developmentally challenged.

There is no harm in dreaming. I have dreams, too, of exotic vacations, a beautiful house, and a loving husband. When I was a kid, I once cut out pictures from magazines and pieced together a blueprint for my dream home. I remember my mother looking wistfully at my patchwork house and saying, “I hope you get the house of your dreams.”

These days, I don’t snip out pictures from magazines anymore; I use Pinterest, instead. Several years ago, I, like many girls, created a Pinterest board, where I pinned lovely white dresses and delectable cakes. I still have that board, but it’s changed. As time passed, I started pinning more quotes about what makes a good marriage, because I’ve started to dream less about the marriage party and more about the actual marriage relationship.

How did this dream change? I can remember the exact moment. Together, my grandparents were separately battling the physical effects of a stroke and Alzheimer’s Disease. My grandmother, scrambling to keep her thoughts straight, was using her frail frame to leverage my grandfather from one seat to another. I looked at them and felt a new revelation dawn on my mind: This is love. This is what it means to vow “For better, for worse/ In sickness and in health/ Til death do us part”. This is it.

In this past year, again, I’ve been reminded of that moment as I have watched my best friend and her husband recover from an explosion that burned them both. They have the kind of strong love that I witnessed in my grandparents, though their love is still technically so young. My dreams of pretty dresses have faded almost to non-existence. My dream has shifted to a beautiful love instead.

Ultimately, I think suffering is supposed to change us for the better. It’s painful to view suffering in a positive light when we are in the midst of it. If we must encounter trouble, however, we should learn to look for the ways it will benefit us.

Suffering is a master teacher. Suffering tells us what is really important in life. What’s more important, the house or the family? What is more important, my appearance or my ability?

Suffering tells you the content of a person’s character. When you hit a rut in the road, and your cup of coffee spills, you feel frustration but not surprise. Coffee came out of the cup, because coffee was in the cup. Similarly, when suffering occurs, the true character of a person is revealed.

Perhaps most importantly, suffering teaches us to appreciate the mundane moments that bring relief. Have you ever enjoyed a really good cup of coffee while waiting in the hospital? Or sung a hymn with someone preparing to go to the Lord? Have you ever tilted your head toward the sun and listened to the birds sing after crying your eyes out? I’ve learned to look for those moments in times of hardship.

A lot of people of faith do not like to acknowledge suffering. I’ve heard people ardently declare that suffering is not in God’s will for his people. I do not believe that torment is for the people of God, but I do believe that suffering is something we will all encounter from time to time. Jesus suffered.

Isaiah prophesied that the coming Messiah would be a “man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.” (Isa. 53:3)

I love the wording of the Passion Translation of Hebrews 2:18 : “He [Jesus] suffered and endured every test and temptation, so that he can help us every time we pass through the ordeals of life.”

Jesus said, “And everything I’ve taught you is so that the peace which is in me will be in you and will give you great confidence as you rest in me. For in this unbelieving world you will experience trouble and sorrows, but you must be courageous, for I have conquered the world!” (John 16:33, TPT)

So, do we despair that suffering is inevitable? No, not by any means! We delight in knowing that while suffering is inevitable, God is ever faithful! We remind ourselves that our pain is not prophecy; our pain simply resets our focus on our purpose and passion. Look at the opening verses of Romans 5:

“1 Our faith in Jesus transfers God’s righteousness to us and he now declares us flawless in his eyes. This means we can now enjoy true and lasting peace with God, all because of what our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One, has done for us. 2 Our faith guarantees us permanent access into this marvelous kindness that has given us a perfect relationship with God. What incredible joy bursts forth within us as we keep on celebrating our hope of experiencing God’s glory!
3 But that’s not all! Even in times of trouble we have a joyful confidence, knowing that our pressures will develop in us patient endurance. 4 And patient endurance will refine our character, and proven character leads us back to hope. 5 And this hope is not a disappointing fantasy, because we can now experience the endless love of God cascading into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who lives in us!“

This is our hope! This is our assurance! If you are dreaming, keep dreaming! If you are suffering, keep holding on to hope in Jesus! His compassion does not fail. There is nothing too hard for Him. He loves you with an everlasting love. Let’s trust God with our dreams and with our suffering. Maybe it’s time for our dreams to be re-drafted, even if they must be stenciled with suffering.

On Assurance

“Blessed assurance – Jesus is mine! Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!”

This lyric is from a hymn penned by Fanny Crosby, who was blind. That song has always moved me. The more I think about it, now, however, I am inspired by the woman who lived in total darkness but saw what many seeing cannot see:

Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels descending, bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

How did she write that song? Enshrouded in darkness, what did she know of assurance?

It’s funny how we make those kinds of judgments. We want to believe that blessed assurance only comes when life is perfect. The truth is that God’s voice rings loudest when our lives are imperfect and seemingly crumbling apart.

Let’s take a look at Jeremiah. He begins his book saying that the word of the Lord came to him as Jerusalem was being led away into captivity (slavery). (V. 3) He continues to relay what the Lord said to him:

Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying:

5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
Before you were born I sanctified you;
I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”

6 Then said I:

“Ah, Lord God!
Behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth.”

7 But the Lord said to me:

“Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’
For you shall go to all to whom I send you,
And whatever I command you, you shall speak.
8 Do not be afraid of their faces,
For I am with you to deliver you,” says the Lord. (Jeremiah 1:4-8, NKJV)

This passage is often quoted to inspire people to fulfill their God-given purpose, but we often ignore that Jeremiah was reminded of his purpose as his life took an unexpected turn. And so it is with us all.

Life goes topsy turvy, but one thing stays the same. The apostle Paul explained it to the Hebrews like this: “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8) God’s love for his people does not change.

Jeremiah, also known as the “Weeping Prophet”, wrote another book called “Lamentations”. While he grieved the situation of his people, he found the blessed assurance that Fanny Crosby would later sing about. He tells us:

20 My soul still remembers
And sinks within me.
21 This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.

22 Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I hope in Him!”

25 The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
26 It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the Lord.
27 It is good for a man to bear
The yoke in his youth.

28 Let him sit alone and keep silent,
Because God has laid it on him;
29 Let him put his mouth in the dust—
There may yet be hope.
30 Let him give his cheek to the one who strikes him,
And be full of reproach.

31 For the Lord will not cast off forever.
32 Though He causes grief,
Yet He will show compassion
According to the multitude of His mercies.
33 For He does not afflict willingly,
Nor grieve the children of men.

(Lamentations 3:20-33, NKJV)

There are several lessons that I take from the life of Jeremiah:

• Regardless of how we came to exist, our lives are not an accident.
• God has a purpose for each and every one of us.
• My mission is to fulfill that God-given purpose.
• The Lord has promised to go with us and to deliver us when we require deliverance.
• He will never forsake us.
• There is never a time to lose hope.
• The Lord is good to those who love him.
• His mercy and faithfulness are without measure.

This is the blessed assurance. This is why we remove our eyes from the troubles of this world and focus our vision on Jesus. Do you know him?

• He’s the Prince of Peace. (Isaiah 9:6)
• He is love personified. (1 John 4:8)
• He provides all our needs.  (Matthew 6: 25-34)
• He delivers us from evil. (Psalm 18:2, 2 Corinthians 1:10, 1 Thessalonians 1:10, 2 Timothy 4:18)
• And he understands our struggles. (Isaiah 53:3, Hebrews 4:15)

My prayer today is that you and I will continue to grow in our love and knowledge of the Lord. Let our heart song echo the words of Fanny Crosby:

Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Savior am happy and blest;
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

The Unlimited Supply

Text message- that’s how I learned that my home and all our belongings were flooded in August of 2016. I was sitting in St. Louis, enrolled in a course of Biblical Interpretation. My professor was lecturing, and I saw my phone light up with pictures of my neighborhood, which had become a mighty river. I excused myself from the classroom, went into the nearest ladies’ room, shut the door, and wept.

Then, I went back to class.

When it was time for me to prepare for my flight home, I remember crying. I packed my suitcase and realized that the clothes and shoes I had packed were the only clothing and shoes available to me for the foreseeable future. As I bathed, I thought, “I don’t know when I will have a bath again.” My parents were sheltering in their store, where there was no shower or bathtub available. As I crawled into bed, I wondered when I would sleep on a bed again.

It would be four months before I slept on a real bed again. When I returned to my hometown, I was greeted by my family in the store, where they asked me (nonsensically) if I had any rain boots. “No,” I stammered. “You’ll need to buy rain boots,” they said, “You can’t work in the house without rain boots.”

I went to Wal-Mart. The shelves were empty. I went to Payless. The shelves were empty. I then went to K-Mart, where I found one pair of pink rubber boots that were a half size too small. Those boots I bought and wore as my feet turned black and blue from the labor of deconstructing a flooded house.

I was exhausted. I didn’t know a body could be so tired. Bruises appeared on my legs, arms, and feet. A toenail blackened, and I feared that I would lose it. My hair began to fall out.

There was no end in sight to the devastation. Everywhere we drove, we saw furniture piled on the sides of the roads, nail studs visible through the windows of the houses. For the first time in my life, I went out in public with mud splattered on my socks and legs, but it didn’t really matter, because everyone else was wearing the same brand of mud.

So quickly life went from “normal” to abnormal. One day, I was in a pencil skirt and ballet flats; the next day, I was in muddy boots and a face mask (to guard against airborne pathogens and mold). Abnormal had become the new normal.

Nevertheless, God provided. A man in the church offered my family a mobile home to live in while we rebuilt the house. There were two couches in that mobile home. My parents and I slept on air mattresses with blankets and sheets that had been found in donation bins. The church had provided us food as well.

Every need we had, God supplied.

The Word of God came alive to me in a new way, because I saw more of it proven in my own life. I underlined these verses, copied them into my journal, and repeated them to myself. Verses such as:

“I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.” Psalm 37:25, NIV

“I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy: for thou hast considered my trouble; thou hast known my soul in adversities…” Psalm 31:7, KJV

Sleeping in the store

In 2016, I entered a trying season, which taught me an invaluable lesson: It is easier to see God’s provision in the life down-grade than it is to see His provision in the life upgrade.

Become unemployed for six months. Let the hurricane come, and let the snow pile up. Let the earth quake, the fire rage, and the flood waters rise.

When that happens, and you still have a warm, dry place to sleep, and you and your family still have food to eat – THAT is when you see the hand of the Almighty God directing your life and providing for your needs!

Do you have a bad relationship with your father? Meet your Heavenly Father. (Psalm 68:5) Is your mind bridled with confusion? Meet the Wonderful Counselor!Do you battle fear, anxiety, or depression? Meet the Prince of Peace! (Isaiah 9:6)

Yes, we go through seasons of life when we suffer loss, endure hardships, and are bewildered by our world. But never, never, never have I seen the righteous forsaken, nor His seed begging bread!

But what if this or that happens? What if – what if – what if – I hear it all the time. My peers becoming mothers voice their fears for their children. My colleagues voice concerns about the job market. Today, my newsfeed is filled with fears about the Covid-19 pandemic that is currently underway. But what if …?

What if we made like the Brits in the Blitz and vowed to “Keep Calm and Carry On”? What if we decided to trust in Jesus? What if we decided to stand on His Word?

But…?

“But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19, KJV

 The Lord’s storehouse does not go empty. (Malachi 3:10) His arm is not short. (Numbers 11:23)

Food was provided to the Hebrews as they traveled to the Promised Land. (See Exodus 16.)

In a time of severe famine, God provided food for the widow who shared her meal with the prophet. (See 1 Kings 17: 7-16.)

I don’t serve a God who just gives me what I want. I don’t always get what I want. I serve the God who provides what I need. No matter what may come my way or what the next text message may say, I rest in knowing that my God has an unlimited supply for my every need.

 

Is This It?

Recently, I dozed off on my sofa for a Sunday nap. When I awoke, the first words that came to my mind were: “Is this it? Is this my life?”

These thoughts have begun to occur frequently. As I attempt to rest, my mind demands, “Is this it? Is this all you’re doing with your life? Time is passing.”

It’s been a disconcerting experience to have these new thoughts pop unbidden into my mind. I have begun to evaluate every aspect of my life: my work, my relationship with God, my dreams, my desires.

A view from home

When I first wondered in this way, I thought that maybe I should seek advice. Then, it occurred to me that every person on earth must ask themselves at some point: Is this it?

The newlywed who begins to increasingly become aware of his/her spouse’s flaws wonders incredulously, “Did I really agree to love this person? Is this what I have to live with? Is this the ‘happily ever after’ I wanted? Is this it?” I imagine the new mother with the screaming baby is asking herself, “Is this it? Is this motherhood?” The individual approaching retirement asks, “Is this it? Was that my life?” 

There is a certain anti-climax that follows each mountaintop experience. I recently began a new job, which I love, and moved into a house, which I love. Yet I ask myself: Is this it?

The single person sees himself as terminally single. The married begin to see themselves as tied down. The young mother believes she will be forever cleaning up herself and her squalling infant. The danger in dwelling on this question is that we tend to become absorbed in our lives as they are right now or as we perceive them to be. We can’t imagine our lives getting any better or any worse.

This is how depression sets in. Depression eliminates any positive outcomes and denies the transitory nature of life.

This is not it. Your life will not be forever as it is right this moment. So, just breathe.

God gave you and me life for a reason. (See Jeremiah 1:5)

We were made for the time in which we live. (See Esther 4:14)

We serve the God of abundant life. (See John 10:10)

There is a promise of eternal life, full of joy unspeakable for the faithful. (See 1 Timothy 6:12; Revelation 21)

Remember that the phrase “It came to pass” is mentioned 463 times in the Bible!

There is always something new coming around the corner. Sometimes, it’s a new heartbreak. At other times, the next thing coming our way is something beyond our wildest, most hope-filled imagination.

Take heart. “This” is not “It”. Your life right now is not all it ever will be. So, enjoy the now.

2018, In the French Alps

If you’re single, enjoy the peace and the intoxicating amount of freedom! Enjoy sleep that is uninterrupted by snores and crying babies. Travel, even if it’s just to your neighboring town! Go to the art exhibit or run in the race! What’s stopping you?

If you’re married, make the most of having a companion. Enjoy intimacy with your spouse. Talk with each other. Carry each others’ burdens. Find something to laugh about. Live in love.

If you’re a young parent, remember that these moments pass so swiftly. Savor the moments, good and bad. Hug your child close when they’re ill and clinging to you. Take the time to watch their eyes fill with wonder at life.

To the retired person: Now is the time to live your best life! You’ve worked. You have saved. Go ahead and eat ice cream for breakfast! Have a picnic in your backyard. Listen to your favorite music! Read those books that you’ve been meaning to read! Join a club!

Life is only boring when we allow ourselves to see it as boring. In reality, life changes as quickly as the seasons of the earth. When the gloomy thoughts occur, let’s remind ourselves: “This is not just ‘It’!”

 

 

 

 

The Kindling

It is winter. For those of us in cooler climates at this time of year, it is the time of warm hearths and outdoor gatherings around bonfires. It’s generally a time of reflection as we close the old year and ring in the new.

This past year has tested my mettle in more ways than one. At this time last year, I wrote a few notes in my phone about my hopes for 2019. On Christmas day, I typed out the following:

“I’ve just built a fire and am now listening to it crackle and pop. I marvel at how different my life in 2018 has been from my life in 2017. I wonder how different 2019 will be. My sister always likes to chose a ‘word’ for the year. I’ve decided to choose a word for my 2019: Faithful.”

I held onto a scripture all through 2019:

“Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised.” (Hebrews 11:11, KJV)

The phrase that repeated in my head all year was “she judged him faithful who had promised.” Sara laughed at God’s promise the first time she heard it. (Genesis 18:12) But something kindled inside of her, prompting her simply to judge God faithful. She chose to believe that God was faithful and would continue to be faithful.

When I chose the word “Faithful” for 2019, I had no idea that I would have to judge God faithful in July as I drove northward to a hospital, where my best friend and her newlywed husband were being treated for severe burns, not knowing if they would survive. 

In August, I judged God faithful as He provided a new job and a new house to me 4 days before I was slated to end a job and move out of my apartment.

God was and is and shall always be faithful. His steady faithfulness questions my own faith. He remains faithful, even when I’m feeling faithless.

Seeing my friends recover from a destructive fire this year has made me less fond of fire analogies. Songs about walking through the fire have bothered me. I’ve been in church services where I had to stop singing when fire was mentioned. When I told my family about my struggle, they basically said, “Get over it. God used fire, and you can’t read the Bible without reading about fire.”

As I’ve learned more about fires and how they work, I’ve come to understand that for a fire to fulfill a good purpose, it needs to have an outlet. You don’t build a fire in a home that doesn’t have a chimney. (Side note: that is not what happened at my friends’ house, in case you were wondering!)

A fire that is contained without an outlet only intensifies until an explosion occurs- causing mass destruction.

This image reminds me of the words of Jeremiah, who suffered so much, that he decided to just shut up and live his own life. (The way many of us feel after we’ve battled through dark times.) He stated:

“Then I said, “I will not make mention of Him, Nor speak anymore in His name.” But His word was in my heart like a burning fire Shut up in my bones; I was weary of holding it back, And I could not.” (Jeremiah 20:9, NKJV)

I get it, Jeremiah. We go through- forgive the pun- burnouts. We become silent, thinking maybe if we cover up our mouths that the darkness will stop fighting against us. When we shut up, all we’re doing is covering the outlet which brings light into the darkness of this world.

I’ve been silent. But I feel a kindling.

The Basics of Apostolic Doctrine

My constant prayer is, “God, I want Your Word to plant itself into my heart. Please, help me to have a passion for You. I want people to be able to look and me and see You.” Honestly, I am always surprised when and how God answers such prayers!

On July 13, 2009, I was talking with a minister about how there are so many Apostolic young people who do not fully understand the reasons behind the actions of our faith. He spoke to me and asked that I begin blogging about Biblical truths, also known as doctrines. When he suggested that, I thought, “Wow. I’ve been praying that God use me, fill me with His Word. I’ve been saying that I want God to illuminate my identity. And now, I’m being told to use my blog.”

My blog. That sounds so possessive, doesn’t it? Would I be willing to use my blog, my special place where I give my thoughts and my opinions, as a place where young people can come and see a reflection of God’s thoughts? Yes.

Perhaps, I should address the most basic questions. What is doctrine? What is its purpose in the Christian’s life?

In Romans 3: 10-11, Paul wrote, “As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God.”

According to that, we are all sinners, everyone of us, in desperate need of God. But, in the Gospel of Luke, Jesus offered us a solution in a prophecy before ascending into heaven.

“And that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in his name among all nations, beginning in Jerusalem. And ye are witnesses of these things. And, behold, I send the promise of my Father upon you: but tarry ye in the city of Jerusalem, until ye be endowed with power from on high.” (Luke 24: 47-49)

Turning to the Book of Acts, we see the fulfilling of Jesus’ prophecy in the Upper Room on the Jewish holiday, the Day of Pentecost.

“And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.” (Acts 2: 1-4)

Just to make things more clear, the Apostle Peter stood up with the other disciples of Jesus and explained Soteirology, the Doctrine of Salvation, in a sermon to the skeptics outside,

“Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call.” (Acts 2: 38-39)

This promise, then, is relevant even today. It’s still available for you and for me, and it opens an exquisite experience with God Himself for us! We know from John 4:24 that Jesus said, “God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.”

We are commanded to not only worship in spirit, but in truth, God’s holy doctrine and, yes, law. The Apostle John recorded Jesus saying,

“Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come.” (John 16:13)

So, once we, as believers, have received the Spirit of God as written in the Book of Acts, we become guided into all truth, and our understanding is opened. It is through this soul salvation that we are justified.

Now, I have given the Scriptures which will back up, or preface, the answers to the original questions. What is doctrine? What is its purpose in the Christian’s life?

Writing to the Church in Rome, Paul said,

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith.” (Romans 1:16-17)

As we read in the Gospel of Luke, Jesus prophesied the outpouring of his Spirit. So, by receiving the promise of Christ in faith as written in the Gospels and fulfilled in the Book of Acts, we then become justified. And, the just shall live by faith. Once we have repented, been baptized in the name of Jesus, and filled with the Holy Spirit, it is our desire, our duty, and our divine purpose to live by faith in God.

“Now we know that what things soever the law saith, it saith to them who are under the law: that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world become guilty before God. Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin.” (Romans 3: 19-20)

Here, Paul explains that the law, doctrine, is meant for people who have already established their faith in God and followed the plan of salvation as determined in the Book of Acts! The laws of holiness teach us, as we are led by the Holy Spirit, what sin is and how to avoid it. Salvation, we know, cannot be attained by simply complying to rules. There must also be repentance, baptism in Jesus’ name, the receiving of the Holy Spirit by the sign of speaking in another, unlearned language, and always, always firmly rooted faith.

“Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law.” (Romans 3: 28)

Paul was being very specific, and this is something we should all understand. It is impossible to be justified in the eyes of God by simply committing the deeds of holiness. We do not obey holiness doctrines and  become saved. We become saved and then adopt the doctrines of holiness. It’s our faith in God’s salvation that forms the building ground for our obedience to His living principles-His doctrine, law.

Later, Paul posed the question that you yourself are probably thinking right this moment, yet, to my immense relief, he also answers it as well!

 “Do we then make void the law through faith? God forbid: yea, we establish the law.” (Romans 3: 31)

Fortunately for me, I was raised in a godly home and was filled with the Holy Spirit, as experienced in the Book of Acts, at a very young age. I want you to understand as I have learned-believe me, it was not easy-that God’s divine law, His doctrine, is not meant as any kind of barrier. He is not trying to put chains on you with His commandments, but He is giving you the one and only way to be free from the chains that Satan has put on the world!

“Wherefore the law is holy, and the commandment holy, and just, and good.” (Romans 7:12)

I know this can be difficult to absorb. It seems that  we have to spend all of our time inhaling information in school, at our jobs, even in our homes. There’s an entire world that is trying to grab our attention, but let’s not forget our reason for being put in this world to begin with: To be God’s friend. Thank you for reading, please feel free to ask any questions, I’d love to hear them! God bless!

The Shame of Missing

My father has several phrases in his repertoire that have become rather legendary in my family. He loves to call “to hear the melodious sound of your voice.” Before I go on any trip, he loudly exclaims, “You’re going to leave me?!” When someone is gone, he’ll say, “I miss you so much- it’s a shame.”

This last expression of his became quite a favorite with my maternal grandfather. It’s so ridiculous, it’s meaningful. Just what is the shame in missing someone?

I don’t exactly remember the moment it first happened, but in the last couple years of his life, my Granddad would look at me with his pale blue eyes and remark quietly, “As Charles Hatcher would say, I missed you so much- it’s a shame!”

Tonight, nearly 3 months following Granddad’s death, and 9 months following the passing of Grandmother, it is I who sit forlornly, missing them to the point of shamefulness.

In the past several weeks, I have felt a plethora of emotions without being able to really distinguish their sources. Despite the initial euphoria felt at getting a new job, my life has felt empty. I chide myself for mourning so. How can I begin to explain it?

I miss breakfast with Grandmother and Granddad: grits, bacon, and tomato gravy. I miss lunches of salad and sandwiches. I miss sitting on the floor of the dining room, as they sat in recliners and talked. I miss their flirting.

Nevertheless, I remind myself of the last 7 years: the nurses, the tubes, the hospital beds, the tears, and the desperate pleas with God to end the suffering.

And I have the audacity to miss them. I miss Grandmother’s hugs. Believe it or not, I miss giving Granddad his manicures and brushing his hair. I miss taking notes for him and looking up Bible verses. I miss talking about life with them. I miss them.

There are five stages of grief that are universally acknowledged: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

I thought I had accepted all the things that have happened in this past year: my harassment, the flood, the death of two grandparents, my sister’s wedding, my new job. I’ve prayed, talked, and written about it all before. Strangely, though, I’ve realized that  the numbness of my emotions was not acceptance at all, but denial.

I did not deny the events which have come to pass.

I denied my true emotions the right to be expressed.

You see, recently, I’ve discovered that I have entered a new stage of the grieving process: anger. This is not righteous anger. It is not rational. It’s grief.

I’ve felt anger at my grandparents, of all people, for leaving me. I spent nearly 7 years of my life trying to help take care of them. In my spare time from school, I made a point to visit them, sometimes spending the night. On their deathbeds, I spent every moment I could at their sides. And they abandoned me to this world with nothing to do, no one else to care for.

I’ve felt angry at all the bubbly people around me who are graduating, getting married, and pregnant- the people whose lives seem to unfold perfectly without hitches. I’ve even felt angry at my sister. How dare she get married and expect me to blissfully go to all her parties and be happy about it? Why do I have to adjust not only to a new void, new house, and new job, but a new brother-in-law as well?!

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Most infuriating of all is realizing that my grief, my anger, and my deeply personal thoughts and emotions are plainly outlined in the textbook definition for grief. These feelings are not unique to me, and really, there’s nothing I can do to make them go away but to allow them to pass.

We can try to drown out the grief with parties, food, music, books, movies, etc. We can try to sleep it away. We can listen to a constant stream of noise in an effort to distract our conscious selves from the harsh reality of grief, but a few things must be understood:

1. Grief will always find a way to manifest itself. Don’t be surprised when it comes after a life-changing event or, as the case may be, several life-changing events.
2. Remember that grief is irrational. Don’t expect anyone to understand it.
3. Be honest with yourself and with your loved ones. Don’t hold everything in.

I recognize that this post differs greatly from its predecessors. To all those who grieve, I hope that you can find some comfort here in knowing that you are not alone. Although you may feel, like I do, that your grief is showing up “out of the blue”,  it’s nothing to be ashamed about. Grief is human. We all experience it at some point.

Let’s take the first step to healing by acknowledging that our grief exists. Let’s take hope in the following words: “Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)

Our comfort will come, though we miss them so much – it’s a shame. God bless you.

 

 

Beyond the Storm

In 2016, the clouds rolled into my life. I was harassed. My house flooded among thousands of others in the greatest flood to ever hit Louisiana in 500 years. Then, on September 8, my grandmother, Loretta Bernard, went home to the Lord after battling Alzheimer’s disease for over a decade.

During this time, many well-intentioned people offered well-meaning advice. “You just need a boyfriend.” “At least your house did not burn” was the comfort offered for the piles of moldy heirlooms and belongings thrown on the roadside. “Her suffering is over.”

The human experience is marked by duality. We are both physical and spiritual, emotional and intellectual. Even rational, Spirit-filled Christians fight irrational, carnal emotions. It is one thing to look empirically at hardships and call them a trial, but it is quite another thing to experience the fiery trial which befalls you.

Some trials cause rage and fear, feelings of violation. The August flood came to me as numbing, inconceivable destruction. In some ways, losing your possessions is like dying alive. You look at your tangible memories (pictures, journals, sermon notes, diplomas, etc.) in the face as they rot, and you cast them out as if they never existed. When it became clear that Grandmother was dying, we sat by her side, holding our breath, praying for her struggling to end, yet anxiously watching the rise and fall of her breath, listening.

Dying is not pretty, from what I have seen. I met Grandmother’s dying process with great grief. In the end, I blessed God at her death, because I could not bear to see her suffer any longer.

We humans want to think that we know how we will react to the storm when it comes.  I never fathomed the strength I would gain to gut my house. I never imagined the simultaneous peace and loss Grandmother’s death would bring.

Most of all, I realized how much I underestimate Jesus. I was given immeasurable compassion from friends and family who lifted me up in prayer.  After the flood, we were overwhelmed by help from family, friends, and even strangers who came from far and wide to help us remove what was destroyed and restore what was left.

A church brother offered my family and I a place to stay rent-free until our house was habitable again. (We lived there for almost four months). Churches gave us sheets, blankets, food, toiletries, and later, paintbrushes. A couple from Wisconsin camped in our yard for months to help us rebuild. We received incredible monetary gifts. Friends of mine contrived to replenish the beloved books I lost.

Every need we had, God supplied.

Too often, we ask ourselves, “What would I do if or when…?”  However, really, we should wonder, “What will God do if or when…?”

From what I saw in 2016, I can testify that though the enemy may come against us like a flood, the Lord raises a standard against him. (Isaiah 59:19).

From the flood, I learned “GOD is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed…Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled.” (Psalm 46:1-3).

Like the Psalmist, I boast that never have I “seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed.” (Psalm 37:25-26).

To the mourners, be assured. Jesus said, “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4).

We do go through storms in this life, trials beyond compare and belief. (See 1 Peter 4:12.) You may lose your job, your possessions, your friends, your loved ones. Any and all may disappear. (See Job!)

Nevertheless, do not focus on the storm itself, because it will pass. Instead, trust in the God who sees beyond your shortcomings and who provides beyond your fears and doubts.

Cast your cares on him! (1 Peter 5:7) Trust in his might! (Psalm 37:5) Take refuge in him! (Psalm 31:3) Rest in knowing that he provides for his people. (Matthew 6:33)

Have faith that while you tremble at the thunder, Jesus Christ is orchestrating your sunshine beyond the storm.

 

Battling Emotional Terrorism

It’s been a year since I’ve attempted to write a blog post. One year. In the past, when I have taken breaks from writing it was for mundane reasons- I was too busy, too tired, not inspired. However, for the past year, my reasons for not writing were far more sinister. I was harassed online, my home flooded, and my beloved grandparents, Elton and Loretta Bernard, passed away after fighting the good fight of faith.

Putting those events into words is sobering, but not defeating. For the past year, I have battled many emotions: rage, doubt, fear, and despair. Yet, through the spiritual wage of war, I found support in family, friends, church, and most importantly, Jesus. I have gained perspective. I have become older, wiser in some ways, more prudent.

Jesus told his disciples in Matthew 10:16: “Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.”

We live among wolves. In this world, there are bullies, thieves, stalkers, rapists,  murderers, and so on and so forth. We don’t like to think of these people who are full of hatred. They spread evil and wickedness, and we like to think they do not exist. But they do. And they aim to hurt as much as they themselves hurt.

We live and breathe and walk among them. In our self-righteousness, we see them as “Them”. They are Other. They are they. And we are we. May never the twain they meet.

We nod our heads in agreement with Paul when he writes to the church at Corinth:

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

Yes, Brother Paul, tell ’em! Preach it!

In case the King James Version is a little too antiquated, let’s look at the Message:

“Don’t you realize that this is not the way to live? Unjust people who don’t care about God will not be joining in his kingdom. Those who use and abuse each other, use and abuse sex, use and abuse the earth and everything in it, don’t qualify as citizens in God’s kingdom.”

Are you abusing sex? Are you abusing marriage? Are you worshiping anything other than God? (Do you place a person, place, or thing above Him?) Are you expressing yourself as anything other than what God created you to be? Are you hurting your body? Are you stealing? Do you want to steal what is not yours? (Do you want to take what belongs to someone else – their possessions, their ministry, their job, their body, their peace, their privacy?) Do you get drunk? Do you spew criticism? If so, you are not pursuing godly things!

But Paul has some other words to add:

And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Corinthians 6:11)

You see, we are all sinners. All of us. “They” are. “We” are. I despise sin. I despise your sin and my sin. But I know that through Jesus Christ, we can all be made new, washed, and clean. That goes for the murderer, the thief, the kidnapper, the rapist.

Does that mean the earthly consequences for sin disappear? No. The ex-smoker might still get lung cancer. The thief, murderer, or rapist will probably go to jail. You still have to live with the decisions you made, but you can choose to make better decisions for the rest of you life.

To the addict, you can break that addiction! I’m sorry, Porn Addict, for the images you will not be able to un-see, but I am happy to say that there is a freedom from that addiction. God can give you new eyes, so to speak, a new way of looking at people so that you see their souls and not just their physical form. Substance Abuser, your body might pay long-term for the things that have polluted your body, but there’s a “high” unparalleled by any substance in this world, it’s “joy unspeakable and full of glory!”  that is found in the Lord Jesus (1 Peter 1:8).

I hate what people do to hurt, manipulate, and destroy others.

Paul said, “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:18)

The flipside of that statement is, sometimes, it’s not possible to live peaceably with all men. That is when we have to do as Jesus instructed, turn the other cheek. (See Matthew 5). Instead of retorting in anger to the person purposefully hurting us, we acknowledge and ignore. We take precautions. We are wise as serpents, but harmless as doves.

Nevertheless, do not feel discouraged, if you are the individual battling emotional terrorism from a bully, a harasser, a manipulator, a sociopath. We have a Savior! A little further down in Romans 12, we see a reminder to the servants of God:

“Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)

God is not blind to those who intend to harm his saints. He sees their actions. He goes ahead of us in battle. We see it when David confronts Goliath. We watch when Israel goes out of Egypt and overcomes Jericho. The Lord God is in control.

Are you weary? Are you depressed? Are you anxious? You are not alone.  Confused? Hurting?  Angry? I’ve been there. Paul was there. It may take a while to overcome the battles in our minds. I’ve taken a year of processing, praying, and healing to even be able to write this post. Just remember:

^” For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.” (2 Corinthians 4:6-9)

Grace in Service

During my senior year at university, I reached a state of complete and total physical exhaustion, so much so that, while in a meeting with my linguistics professor, a kind Russian-born lady who spoke an intricate, complex array of languages with a lovely accent, looked at me with sincerity and said, “Von de Leigh, do you drink coffee? You look like you could use a cup of coffee.” Then, she proceeded to pour me a cup of hot, strong, black coffee, which I drank gratefully.

Later that same week, a French professor sent me an e-mail, asking how I was feeling, because I had seemed subdued in class. I was sleepless, constantly hungry. I fell asleep, fully clothed with textbooks and notebooks still on my bed multiple occasions.

Walking into my home one evening after classes during this stressful time, my mother told me: “Sit down.” I remember falling onto the couch. The next thing I knew, my mother was on her knees. She removed my shoes. With lotion and essential oils in her hand, she began massaging my feet.

These three acts of kindness by three different people ministered to me in a powerful way in the autumn of 2014. There are many things about my university experience that I have, unfortunately, lost in the waves of subconscious memory. Those three moments, however, stand apart as a time when my own mother and teachers- my superiors in every sense- served me.

I did nothing to merit this service. Service was not asked of them. They gave their service freely. They were not given anything in return but my most humble gratitude. What is more, they did not expect anything specific in return. They allowed me to exist in my humanity, and they blessed me without any obligation.

That is grace. That is selfless service. By biblical definition, that is leadership.

This is service on the scale of Christ-like proportion. John 13 is a chapter about the love of God, His grace, His service toward us, and his expectations for us. It begins on a promising note.

“Now before the feast of the passover, when Jesus knew that his hour was come that he should depart out of this world unto the Father, having loved his own which were in the world, he loved them unto the end.” (John 13:1)

This verse strikes me, because of its abundance of love. Jesus loved his friends with a gentle fierceness that we see exemplified repeatedly throughout the gospels. He loved to talk with them, to eat with them, and to pray with them in gardens. When the crowds became too overwhelming, Jesus and His disciples would retreat into a quiet place to recharge physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Jesus is the most peaceful teacher of love that this world has ever seen.

Jesus talked a lot about love, like many teachers and philosophers. What sets Jesus apart from those other teachers, however, aside from His deity, are the actions He made out of that  professed love. John 13 continues in verse 4, saying that after the Passover feast:

“He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself.
After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded.” (John 13: 3, 4)

Jesus washed feet. Do you realize what that means? Jesus removed the shoes of his disciples, who had been traveling to Jerusalem all day, in a time when indoor plumbing meant you had a servant who stood indoors and poured your waste outdoors, into the street. This was a time when all vehicles leaked, so to speak, a time when many roads were paved by the continual stamping of mud and excrement by the traffic of people and animals.

Although the Bible does not give a lot of detail about the state of the disciples’ tarsal region, we can judge by Peter’s response that it’s not too crazy to believe they were in an unappealing state.

“Peter saith unto him, Thou shalt never wash my feet.” (John 13:8)

Peter knew, without a doubt, as he had claimed previously, that Jesus was the Christ, the Messiah, Emmanuel, God with us. (John 6:69) He knew that the physical incarnate of God Almighty, the LORD, was preparing to touch his feet. Like Isaiah, Peter knew that if his righteousness was only filthy rags compared to the glory of the LORD, then, his feet must surely be, truly, beneath the Shekinah. (Isaiah 64:6)

Yet Jesus removed the sandals of His disciples and took their feet, caked with dust from the road, and washed them. I don’t think it was a splash or sprinkling of water. I don’t think Jesus patted their feet with gloved hands. I think Jesus scrubbed them with vigor, massaged the aches away. Who knows? He may have anointed them with sweet-smelling oil to freshen them.

Jesus reprimanded Peter: “If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me.” (John 13:8)

Here, we can almost see Peter’s face whiten with holy fear and reverence. He pleads with the LORD:

“Simon Peter saith unto him, Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head.” (John 13:9)

Wash all of me. Do what You must so I can have communion with You.

Later, of course, Peter would receive a baptism of water and of Spirit- as he would preach to the crowds gathered outside the Upper Room in Acts 2 are necessary to salvation. At this moment, however, Peter was learning a lesson about grace, submission, and servitude.

John 13 goes on to say:

“ 12 So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you?
13 Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am.
14 If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet.
15 For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.
16 Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him.”

The washing of the feet is not to be confused with baptism by immersion nor with Communion. Those are three separate things.

Footwashing, as the old-timers call it, is a sacred tradition in its own right that began with Jesus Christ. There are three specific things that Jesus gave physical examples of, which he instructed we should also do to have part with him: be baptized (Matthew 3), partake of unleavened bread and wine to commemorate His sacrifice on the Cross, and wash each other’s feet (John 13).

The first symbolizes the washing away of our sins and our commitment to follow Christ, the second, our communion with Christ and His followers- continued commitment, if you will-, the third represents the call of love that Jesus exemplified, that is, to humble ourselves and have a love for our neighbors that exceeds our selfish love for ourselves.

When I was a child, my church reserved New Year’s Eve for the time when we had Communion, followed by Footwashing, and ending with a “Soup Social”. It was the kind of service that was marked with reverential silence, holy wonder, awed thanksgiving, and anointed prayer. After we had repented of our sins, remembered the Cross, and humbled ourselves before our sisters and brothers by washing their feet and interceding in prayer over their lives and needs, we went into the “Fellowship Hall” where tureens of soup awaited our joyous consummation. This was how each year of my life began until I was 15 years old.

Today, 7 years later, my heart aches for this. I am saddened that so many Christians have turned away from this practice for reasons as silly as “I can’t stand feet!” I doubt Jesus loved cleaning crummy feet. Personally, I cannot say that I absolutely love touching feet, but I do love the lessons that Footwashing teaches me.

Footwashing reminds me that just as Jesus reached for the filthy feet of his outdoorsy, fishermen disciples, He still reaches for me despite the filthy sin that might creep into my heart. He looks at me in my fears, doubts, and brokenness, and He says, “There is nothing in you that I cannot touch. I will still choose you and love you through every trial and heartache. I am Unchanging, and I will not be out-done by any obstacle in your path.”

If God Almighty can say that to me, how dare I think that I am above touching the feet of a fellow human being? Most assuredly, I am not greater than my LORD. So, who am I to not do as He did himself and as He bids me to do? Who am I to not obey Him?

What is beautiful about Jesus is that He is a God of recompense. Give, and it shall be given. Seek, and ye shall find. Do, and it shall be done unto you. (Matthew 5)

So, what does He promise those of us who follow His teachings to the full?

“If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them.” (John 13:17)

Not only will you experience happiness, but you have no idea the impact you will have on the person whom you should bless with this practice. I’ve heard stories of healings happening after people submitted to Footwashing. I’ve seen faces shine with the Holy Spirit as they participated in Footwashing.

I hope Footwashing is not a “heaven or hell issue”, as so many Christians neglect it. I do believe, however, that Footwashing is of utmost importance to keep unity, peace, and prosperity in a church congregation.

Though it was not with water, I look at my mother’s act of service as a mimicry of Christ at Passover. She gave me life. I owe my existence to hers. I have done nothing to merit her attention. If anything, she deserves my lifelong dedication to her needs.

Yet, she looked at me, in my fatigue. She saw my tired eyes and blue-veined feet, which had traipsed all over campus in the August heat, up and down the four flights of stairs to the French department. She paid for the books in my sack, the gasoline in my car, and the food in my stomach. What more need she give?

It was a godly mother’s love that prompted her to take my throbbing feet into her hands and ease away the day’s toil. She put my comfort above her own. Jesus said this kind of servitude would make one happy. I must say, it made me happy as well.

This kind of service places value above the self and moves it to the other. In this way, service is a double blessing. By serving others, you are literally following in the footsteps of Christ. There is unparalleled blessing in that. Serving others is  in every way the highest form of honor, love, and grace personified.